Kelly Fiveash

Contact Mail Follow Twitter RSS feed
Kelly Fiveash is the Weekend Editor of The Register.
Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift boycotts Apple Music over no-pay-for-plays shocker

Taylor Swift has come out swinging against Apple's "shocking" decision not to pay musicians or composers a penny during a three-month music-streaming trial period. The pop star took to her Tumblr account today to confirm that she would be withholding her album – 1989 – from Apple Music to show her support for young songwriters …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jun 2015
Woman looks immensely happy while staring into blank screen of unplugged monitor

Microsoft U-turns on 'free' Windows 10 upgrade promise for ALL previewers

Microsoft has been forced to quietly edit a misleading blog post that seemed to suggest that anyone could get their mitts on Windows 10 for free – if they first installed a test version of Redmond's upcoming operating system for PCs. The only caveat appeared to be that folk had to use a Microsoft Account (MSA) that's connected …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jun 2015
Snake oil salesman

Buh bye fakers? Amazon tweaks customer product reviews system

Amazon has rejigged its product reviews systems for customers in the US, in an apparent move to mute fake ratings on the retail giant's service. The company said it was now using machine-learning tech that it had developed to try to flush out old and crappy reviews, according to Cnet. Amazon's Julie Law was quoted as saying: …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jun 2015
Dale Winton in Trainspotting

Supermarket tweet: Twitter ankles balloon in product, places shopping frenzy

Twitter has began testing new shopping features on the micro-blogging site and app as the firm seeks more ways to bolster its revenue. The San Fancisco-based company said in a blog post on Friday that it was playing around with two new functions to "make it easier for you to discover rich and relevant content about products and …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Jun 2015
Satya Nadella and Stephen Elop

BOOM! Stephen Elop shuffled out of Microsoft door

Ex-Nokia chief Stephen Elop is officially out of Microsoft. Redmond announced the cull of top execs at the software company in the past hour, and Elop is the most high-profile victim of the bloodletting. Elop, Kirill Tatarinov and Eric Rudder will be leaving Microsoft following a handover period at the firm. It means that the …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Jun 2015
Minority Report. Source: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment

Facebook Moments app NOT COMING to a mobile device near EU soon

Mark Zuckerberg may have bigged up Facebook's latest app release on Monday, but one thing was missing from the vomit-inducing, fluffy coverage around Moments: it won't be coming to Europe any time soon. The reason? Facial recognition technology is a key element of the app. So – given that Moments would be about as useful as a …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Jun 2015
Beats headphones

Beats loudspeaker silenced by Apple after $3bn buyout, report claims

Apple killed work on a Beats Electronics wireless loudspeaker after it bought rapper Dr Dre's company for $3bn last year, it has been claimed. According to Variety magazine, which cited project insiders, a new Wi-Fi product that would have competed with Sonos was set to be unveiled by Beats sometime before Christmas last year. …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Amazon data center

Amazon turns up spectacularly late to 'transparency' party, pours a large one

Amazon has finally released details of the info snooping governments from around the world demand of the retail and cloudy biz. The company said in a subdued blog post that it would publish a bi-annual information request report. It comes after Amazon – unlike its tech rivals – spent years resisting going public with the data. …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Philae takes a first look at the surface of Comet 67P

Sun's out, guns out: Plucky Philae probot WAKES UP ... hits 'snooze'

The Philae lander has woken from hibernation for the first time since its 60-hour, energy-draining mission on Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko last November, scientists at the European Space Agency confirmed today. Signals from the probe reached the ESA at its ops HQ in Darmstadt late last night. Philae, whose contact went dark …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Angry-looking cat. Pic by  Guyon Morée from Beverwijk, Netherlands. licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

'Lemme tell you about my trouble with girls ...' Er, please don't, bro-ffin

QuoTW This week, the science world was shocked to its dorky core after one of its own attempted to tell a joke. In public. Step forward Sir Tim Hunt and hang your head in shame. The Nobel Laureate, who has been a Fellow of the Royal Society for nearly 25 years, royally cocked up a speech to a group of senior female boffins at a …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Approximate locations of five lander candidates initially identified in high-resolution OSIRIS Narrow Angle Camera images taken in Dec 2014. Image credit: ESA/Rosetta/NavCam

Boffins, feeling around in dark for Philae, lit up by bright spot on Comet 67/P

Vid The European Space Agency has determined a "good candidate" for the location of its Philae probot, which successfully landed on Comet 67/P in November last year. Since then, the location of the spacecraft's final resting place has remained a mystery for boffins working on the Rosetta mission. However, on Thursday the ESA said …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Jun 2015

NOBODY reading your Facebook post? TOUGH LUCK, sez Zuck

Facebook has fiddled with its News Feed algorithm to scan the amount of time someone spends reading a given post on the site and app. It means that "stories" that are shunned on the free content ad network will be pushed further down Facebook's News Feed page. Unsurprisingly, the Mark Zuckerberg-run company characterised the …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Jun 2015

Twitchy Google GAMES YouTube – hits 'play' on MULTI-BEELLION dollar market

Google is set to muscle in on the multi-billion dollar online gaming market, with the launch of a dedicated YouTube app and website. The ad giant, which failed in its bid to buy Twitch for $1bn last year, said in a blog post on Friday that the new service was coming to the US and UK this summer. Twitch was instead snapped up by …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Jun 2015
A still from Eppendorf's epMotion video

Nobel bro-ffin: 'Girls in the lab fall in love with me ... then start crying'

A Nobel prize-winning scientist has apologised after he told sexist anecdotes at a conference for top women boffins in South Korea. Sir Tim Hunt, who has been a Fellow of the Royal Society since 1991, utterly misjudged his audience with these ridiculous comments: Let me tell you about my trouble with girls. Three things happen …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Jun 2015

Ex-Microsoftie in worthless Euro netizens data security promise

An ex-Microsoftie has launched a new cloudy startup that promises to keep the data of Europeans "safe" by storing it only within the EU. But that pledge is utterly worthless, given that – for example – NSA chums are still likely to come calling for access to that data from their security counterparts in the 28-member-state bloc …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Jun 2015
Facebook Beacon

Facebook tosses creepy Place Tips beacons at stateside retailers

Facebook has begun dishing out "free" beacons to retail outfits in the US, just in time for an update to its eerie Place Tips technology, which is now being deployed across the country. The Yelp-like service kicks into life when a Facebook user's location-tracking is set to the default 'on' mode and their mobe has Bluetooth …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 Jun 2015

Microsoft makes Skype beach body ready with web browser beta release

Microsoft has released a beta web browser version of Skype in the US and UK, which will apparently be rolled out worldwide within the next few weeks. The software giant said Skype for Web could be used by existing State-side and Blighty customers who can now connect to the service via web.skype.com. It means that Skype calls …
Kelly Fiveash, 06 Jun 2015
Taylor Swift

Dre-stic measures: Apple Beats retreat from iTunes brand – report

Apple has reportedly all but abandoned its iTunes brand after 15 years of using the name for its music service. According to the Financial Times, the iThing maker will unveil Apple Music on Monday at the Worldwide Developers Conference. It's understood that Apple Music will be pre-installed when iPhone customers upgrade their …
Kelly Fiveash, 06 Jun 2015

Apple recalls Beats speakers: Rap chap's crap batt rapped in zap mishap flap

Apple is recalling its Beats Pill XL speakers over claims the product overheats to the point of burning one particular fan's finger. The speaker, which was manufactured in China, sells for $325, and apparently poses a potential fire hazard due to a faulty battery. Cupertino has promised to refund any US and Canadian customers …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Jun 2015

Facebook to slather Instagram in ad goo as photo-sharing app OPENS WIDE

Facebook has confirmed plans to blast its photo filter app Instagram with ads. The Mark Zuckerberg-run outfit bought Instagram in 2012 for roughly $715m and, since then, it has opened up the service to a small number of brands. Now, businesses of all sizes will soon be able to flood the app with ads. On Tuesday, Instagram said …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Jun 2015
Nicole Kidman (Christine Lucas) in Before I Go To Sleep

OK Google, how much of my life do you observe and disturb?

Google would like netizens to believe that the vast multinational has bolstered "privacy" controls on its services today. But you'd be wrong to swallow that line. In fact, no changes have been made to the company's data-slurping and scraping policies. Instead – in a move reflecting Facebook's somewhat disingenuous claims to be …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Jun 2015
Abbott and Costello dressed as policemen

Nosy Brit cops demand access to comms data EVERY TWO MINUTES

Police forces across Blighty made more than 700,000 communications data access requests in the space of three years, responses to an FOI request from Big Brother Watch have revealed. Privacy worrywarts will be alarmed by the level of email and phone snooping demands that have been submitted by cop shops across the country, given …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Jun 2015

NSA dragnet domestic phone records slurp halted after key spying powers lapse

A number of key provisions in the US Patriot Act lapsed at midnight on Sunday, after the Senate failed to get its act together, much to the chagrin of the White House. It means that – for the first time in almost 14 years – g-men have temporarily lost the authority to scoop up and store phone call records of State-side citizens …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Jun 2015
Zuck balloons

Welp, PEAK GIF is upon us! Facebook now supports animated images

Who knew Marissa Mayer could be so far ahead of the curve? Her company Yahoo! bought Tumblr back in 2013 when the Purple Palace seemingly recognised that it was crucial to back the animated .gif rebirth. A year later, Twitter joined the party by adding .gif support to its tweets. And now – in an effort to overload web traffic …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 May 2015

Apple: Relax, fanbois! We never meant to read your heart rate during wild wrist action

Apple – having tweaked how its Watch monitors a customer's heart rate – has been forced to explain the change, after fitness freaks freaked out about the gizmo's irregular tracking function. On Saturday, in an update on its support page, the iThing maker explained that Apple's wristjob "attempts to measure your heart rate every …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 May 2015
Hyperion, Saturn's moon, as imaged by Cassini. Credit: CICLOPS

It's not over 'til Saturn's spongy moon sings: Cassini probe set for final Hyperion fly-by

NASA's Cassini spacecraft is expected to complete its final close encounter with Hyperion, one of Saturn's many moons, on Sunday. The probe will pass Hyperion at a distance of around 21,000 miles (34,000 kilometres) tomorrow, the US space agency said. However, images from the fly-by won't be beamed back to Earth until Monday at …
Kelly Fiveash, 30 May 2015
Queen's Speech 2015. Screen grab from Parliament TV

Queen's Speech: Snoopers' Charter RETURNS amid 'modernisation' push

The first session of the new Parliament was opened by the Queen today and, as expected, a renewed push for a Snoopers' Charter was high on the agenda. Her Majesty said: Measures will also be brought forward to promote social cohesion and protect people by tackling extremism. New legislation will modernise the law on …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 May 2015

O2 craps itself on national Blighty holiday as cabinet minister moans: 'Oi, sort it out!'

Updated O2 customers up and down the UK were left without access to the carrier's mobile service on Bank Holiday Monday, after its network buckled for five hours yesterday evening. Even former Minster of Fun Sajid Javid – who is now Business Secretary under the new Tory government – griped about O2's pisspoor service. He tweeted: No …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 May 2015

NSA bulk phone records slurp to end when law lapses next month – report

Edward Snowden supporters were claiming victory for the privacy of millions of US citizens today, after the Obama administration seemingly decided not to seek a 90-day extension to allow g-men to collect bulk phone records. That surprise move, reported by the Guardian, came following the defeat of the USA Freedom Act in the …
Kelly Fiveash, 23 May 2015
Johnnycab with Arnie. Screen shot from Total Recall

VR rift OPENS UP: Total Recall Technologies hurls lawsuit at Facebook's Oculus

Oculus has been named in a lawsuit from a rival, which claimed the Facebook-owned Virtual Reality outfit's founder broke a confidentiality agreement about its head-mounted display. Hawaii-based Total Recall Technologies' (TRT) complaint was filed (PDF) with the US District Court Northern District Court of California on 20 May. …
Kelly Fiveash, 23 May 2015

Wheely, wheely mad: Petrolheads fume over buggy Formula One app

Furious Formula One fans are fed up with the glitzy motor racing contest's official mobile app, which spews out inaccurate driver information and regularly buckles on customers. Worse still, petrolheads who downloaded the app on to their Android and iOS devices were charged a one-off £26 subscription fee for unlimited access. …
Kelly Fiveash, 23 May 2015

100s of Virgin Media customers hit by handset repair glitch, telco admits

Virgin Media has admitted to The Register that hundreds of its mobile customers were left without their handsets for weeks due to a "glitch" with its repair service. The company has also confessed to us that it was yet to process roughly 100 outstanding repairs for its frustrated subscribers, some of whom have been complaining …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 May 2015
Taylor Swift

Twitter CRAWLS to Google ON ITS KNEES, starts blowing content

Twitter has crawled to Google to get Tweets displayed in the ad giant's search results once again. The micro-blabbing site previously had a deal with Mountain View to provide feeds of tweets directly within its search results. However, that two-year-long agreement ended in July 2011. Now, four years later, it's a different story …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 May 2015
monsters_vs_aliens_648_v2

BT boss in shock 'bigger is better' claim as £12.5bn EE bid heats up

BT claimed on Monday that its planned gobble of EE was a good thing for competition in the UK – despite the fact that such market consolidation would make the former state monopoly more powerful. It called on the UK's competition watchdog to fast track the first stage of its merger probe into its proposed £12.5bn buyout of EE. …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 May 2015
Hungry goat licks lips. Pic: David Goehring

Ofcom: Oi, BT! Don't be greedy – feed dark fibre to your rivals

Britain's communications watchdog wants BT to open up its fibre broadband network to rival telcos. The one-time national telecoms giant responded negatively to Ofcom's proposals, which were floated on Friday. BT claimed that "mandating dark fibre" could "disadvantage" ISPs that do not have the "capability to deploy" the …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 May 2015

Google and Max Mosley settle thrash'n'tickle sex vid spat

Google has struck a private settlement deal with Max Mosley over images that show the ex-Formula One chief engaging in a sadomasochistic sex pantomime. However, videos and photos of the thrash'n'tickle sex sesh were still viewable via Google.co.uk's search engine, at time of writing. The Wall Street Journal reported on Friday …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 May 2015
United Airlines Boeing 757. Pic: Aero Icarus

Feds: Bloke 'HACKED PLANE controls' – from his PASSENGER seat

The FBI has accused an infosec security researcher of hacking into the controls of a United Airlines plane in midair via the inflight entertainment system, causing the aircraft to temporarily fly "sideways". Infosec chap Chris Roberts allegedly made that audacious claim to special agent Mark Hurley of the FBI, who subsequently …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 May 2015
Proton-M preps for take-off on 16 May 2015. Image credit: Roscosmos

KA-BOOM! Russian rocket EXPLODES over Siberia minutes after lift-off

Russia's Proton-M rocket burned up over Siberia this morning just minutes after blast-off, the country's federal space agency has confirmed. Roscosmos said in a statement that the rocket, which had been carrying Mexican satellite MexSat-1, suffered an "abnormal operation of the third stage engine booster" at around nine minutes …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 May 2015
Two upended shopping trolleys in an alleyway. Photo by Cyron, licensecd under CC 2.0

Google fastens buy buttons to paid mobile search results – report

Google is reportedly planning to imminently add "buy" buttons to its mobile search results in an apparent move to compete with online retail giants eBay and Amazon. According to the Wall Street Journal, which appeared to have been briefed by Google, the buttons will pop up on search result pages in a matter of weeks. The …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 May 2015
Smash mash TV ad screen shot

HAHAHA! Go on, HOST YOUR NEWS on FACEBOOK, FOOLS!

Facebook has inked news-hosting deals with nine media outfits, including the BBC and Buzzfeed, in a move to slurp ad revenue from publishers and keep netizens locked into its site for even longer. The Mark Zuckerberg-run company said that its free content ad network would initially offer Apple iOS users of the Facebook app a …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 May 2015
Dog's backside and tail

EEeeeeek, complaints! Ofcom roasts BT-wannabe-spouse

EE was the most moaned-about ISP for the final nine months of 2014, Blighty's communications watchdog Ofcom said this morning. The operator, which awaits regulatory approval for its planned nuptials with telecoms giant BT later this year, was lobbed more customer complaints about its broadband and landline services than any of …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 May 2015
Out Run arcade game cabinet

Snoopers' Charter queen Theresa May returns to Home Office brief

Theresa May has – despite her failure to ram through the Snoopers' Charter under the previous Tory-led Coalition government – once again, been handed the troublesome Home Office brief. Prime Minister David Cameron, whose Conservative Party secured a slim majority in the House of Commons on Friday, has been lightly reshuffling …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 May 2015
Image of 'smiley face' crater photographed by NASA's Messenger Mercury orbiter

BILLION YEAR SECRETS of baking hellworld Mercury UNLOCKED by NASA probe crash

Boffins have discovered that Mercury - closest planet in our solar system to the Sun - has had a magnetic field for nearly four beeellion years. As The Register previously reported, NASA's Messenger spacecraft slammed into the alien world – which is Sol's closest neighbour – late last month. Before its crash landing on the …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 May 2015
Suits you

Astroboffins eyeball MONSTER GAS HALO hugging Andromeda Galaxy

A team of scientists have clocked a huge halo of gas surrounding the Andromeda Galaxy. The astrophysicists, whose research was published – naturally enough – in the Astrophysical Journal (PDF), reckoned the expansive globe of gas stretches about a million light-years from the nearest significant galaxy to Earth. They estimated …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 May 2015
Taylor Swift

Spotify springs bloody leak as losses grow to $197m – report

Spotify's net losses jumped significantly in 2014 to $197m from $68m a year earlier, it has been reported. The Stockholm, Sweden-based music streaming service blamed hole in finances on international expansion, recruiting more staff and product development. According to the New York Times, which cited documents filed in …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 May 2015

'Photof*cket' men manacled, indicted over Photobucket password-protected pic plunder

Two men, who were indicted and arrested Stateside on Friday for allegedly breaching pic-hosting website Photobucket.com, face conspiracy and fraud charges. The suspects, Brandon Bourret, 39, of Colorado Springs, Colorado and Athanasios Andrianakis, 26, of Sunnyvale, California, were cuffed and taken away for questioning, the U.S …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 May 2015

Yow! It's the HOT NEW 'Collections' from Google! Oh wait ... it's a Google+ thing

Google+ has not only, er, joined Twitter in the past few days – it also unveiled a desperate-looking new feature dubbed Collections. The move is Mountain View's latest attempt to create some buzz around its ID-slurping "network thingy", which the ad giant has failed to successfully market as an alternative to Facebook or Twitter …
Kelly Fiveash, 05 May 2015

Stubborn 'won't fix' Google U-turns on Chromecast vid judder twitching-eye blunder

Google has surprised European fans of its Chromecast TV dongle by suddenly acknowledging a screw-up with the vid-streaming device, after effectively stonewalling complaints late last year. As The Register reported at the time, users were griping about an annoying video quirk with the Chromecast, which caused some European users …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 May 2015
Angela Merkel's eyes

Public prosecutor waves big stick at German spies over NSA data slurp claims

Germany was in a tizz this weekend, in the wake of spying allegations that could harm the country's thorny relationship with surveillance of its citizens. Der Spiegel magazine claimed on Saturday that Germany's spook agency BND had exploited data it had allegedly intercepted on behalf of U.S. spies at the NSA. According to the …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 May 2015
David Goldberg. Photograph by Kevin Moloney/Fortune Brainstorm TECH

Husband of Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg, dies suddenly

SurveyMonkey boss David Goldberg – the husband of Facebook's chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg – died suddenly on Friday night. Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg said: Dave Goldberg was an amazing person and I am glad I got to know him. My thoughts and prayers are with Sheryl and her family. Robert Goldberg confirmed in a …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 May 2015