Kelly Fiveash

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Kelly Fiveash is the Weekend Editor of The Register.
Game of Thrones Season One Blu-ray disc set

Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

Sky customers have been complaining for months about a firmware update that has cocked up their set top boxes but the media giant has been slow to repair the glitch, it has been claimed. An unknown number of Sky HD boxes have been crashing, failing to record pre-set programmes or altogether disrupting the TV service. Sky has …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Feb 2015
David Cameron, Prime Minister, meets Ren Zhengfei, founder and CEO of Huawei Technologies, in Downing Street, 11th September, 2012.

Huawei Browne-noses UK after hiring ex-BP peer for its board

Chinese telecom giant Huawei has appointed ex-BP chief exec Lord Browne to head up its UK board of directors. The company has repeatedly rejected concerns that Huawei has too much control over Blighty's critical infrastructure and communications systems, based on claims that its chairman (and erstwhile member of the People's …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Feb 2015

Virgin Media to splurge BEELLIONS on UK network infrastructure expansion

Virgin Media temporarily pushed BT's shares down more than 2 per cent on Friday, after it announced a juicy £3bn cash injection into Britain's internet infrastructure. The cable company, which was bought by John Malone's Liberty Global roughly 18 months ago, promised to bring broadband speeds of 152 Mbps to four million more …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Feb 2015
Two upended shopping trolleys in an alleyway. Photo by Cyron, licensecd under CC 2.0

Online retail giant Amazon GOES TITSUP ACROSS EUROPE

The UK wing of online retail giant Amazon collapsed within the past hour, and netizens across Europe appear to be reporting similar outage woes. Outraged shoppers are – at time of writing – complaining that the service has completely buckled. Hui. #Amazon ist wirklich #down. Irre. pic.twitter.com/YmEAcMLSh4 — Wolfram Bölte (@ …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
View of the LHC tunnel sector 3 to 4

Boffins grasp Big Knob, get ready to go ALL THE WAY at the LHC proton-punisher

Boffins at CERN are counting down the days until the rebuilt and now even more powerful Large Hadron Collider (LHC) particle accelerator restarts this spring, following a two-year-long shut down. Until this point, the LHC's power had been intentionally limited for safety reasons, but now its fullawesome power can be unleashed. …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Obama

Obama administration ENDORSES Apple Pay during Tim Cook's White House LOVE-IN

U.S. President Barack Obama has backed Apple Pay – Cupertino's new payment system – after iThing chief Tim Cook was given a 15-minute-long ad spot at the White House on Friday. That endorsement means that the government will accept Apple Pay transactions for citzens who have federal-payment cards and are, for example, claiming …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Dog's backside and tail

Help! DYING Google Helpouts YELPS out the door

Google has killed its Helpouts service less than two years since it first launched, because the ad giant failed to generate big bucks from a community of tipsters seeking to make small change from the venture. As we noted at the time, Google was attempting to move in on the bottom-feeding "how to" publishing market and hoover up …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Tim Cook as Mr T

Apple drives itself round bend: PITIES THE FOOL who inks deal with carmakers – source

Hours after rumours surfaced suggesting that Apple was working on an "automotive product" with established carmakers – new gossip apparently reveals that Cupertino will go it alone with a self-driving electric vehicle. The Tim Cook-run firm is said to be discussing its plans with eggheads at car manufacturers, but purely – it …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
EverQuest

Daybreak Game Company GOES TITSUP after painful Sony DIVORCE

Updated Daybreak Game Company, formerly known as Sony Online Entertainment, has been suffering outage issues with its service, just days after the outfit admitted it was laying off staff following its unexpected divorce from Sony. The firm behind the pioneering massively multiplayer online (MMO) role-playing game EverQuest, among other …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
Interstellar movie black hole special effects

Interstellar sci-fi WORMS its way into spinning black hole science FACT

Vid Boffins who worked alongside Hollywood film-makers on the Oscar-nominated sci-fi flick Interstellar reckon they've come up with new discoveries that reveal the "powerful effects" of black holes – all thanks to the computer code that was used for the movie. As The Register reported back in October, theoretical physicist Kip …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
View-master

Smartphone NOT INCLUDED: Google plays with Mattel – plugs VR into retro toy

Toy manufacturer Mattel has inked an undisclosed deal with Google to turn its View-Master product into a "digital experience" for kids. The retro stereoscopic toy has been rebooted for youngsters as an "immersive 360-degree" virtual reality plaything, apparently. Mattel said it now works with Google's virtual reality headset …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
South Park

Worried you got PINK EYE when you shook hands? Doctor Google will see you now

Data-scraping ad giant Google is to begin serving up what it claims will be more "relevant" search results for netizens who seek information about medical conditions online. Chillingly, once Google users tap their perceived ailments into Mountain View's search engine, the company has promised it will be "easier to do more …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Feb 2015

Netflix to Cuba: Care to spend half your wages to see Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights?

Netflix has begun offering its TV and film streaming service in Cuba, where just five per cent of the 11.27 million-strong population has access to fixed broadband connections. The average monthly salary in the country as of 2013 was $17.77 (471 pesos) a month, according to the most recent figures from Cuba's National Statistics …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Feb 2015
Herdwick sheep walk towards the camera

What time do you call this, BT? Late, state-funded broadband rollout plods on

Readers may recall a time when the Tory-led UK government trumpeted plans to have the best broadband connections in Europe by, well, now. That dream was shattered, however, when progress on the Broadband UK (BDUK) project stalled, in part due to intervention from Brussels' competition officials, who had questioned BT's tight …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 Feb 2015

Shy, retiring British spies come out as MEGA HACKERS

The UK government slipped out consultation documents on "equipment interference" and "interception of communications" (read: computer hacking by police and g-men) on Friday. They were made public on the same day that the Investigatory Powers Tribunal ruled that the spying revelations exposed by master blabbermouth Edward Snowden …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Feb 2015
Falcon explodes

Elon Musk: Hover rocket? Check. Hover ship? Check. Let's DO THIS

Elon Musk's SpaceX will attempt – for the second time – to land one of its reusable Falcon 9 rockets on a floating hover-ship out at sea, just a month after its last effort ended with a catastrophic explosion. Blast off of the rocket is expected to happen later today, Sunday, when it is scheduled to launch a space weather …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Feb 2015
The Raspberry Pi 2 Model B

'Camera-shy' Raspberry Pi 2 suffers strange 'XENON DEATH FLASH' glitch

Vid An odd little flaw in the new Raspberry Pi 2 has been discovered just days after its geekgasmic release – the PC doesn't like being papped under the bright lights of cameras. It apparently freezes when a Xenon flash is used to photograph the Raspberry Pi 2. The glitch was flagged up in a forum thread entitled "Why is the Pi2 …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Feb 2015
Microcapsules loaded with sodium carbonate solution

Ex-squeeze me? Baking soda? Boffins claim it safely sucks CO2 out of the air

A team of scientists believe they have made a "significant advance" capturing carbon dioxide with a little bit of help from one of the main ingredients in baking soda. They developed microcapsules made up of "a highly permeable polymer shell" and a fluid composed of sodium carbonate solution* to suck out carbon dioxide from coal …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Feb 2015
Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO

LinkedIn INKED IN with Facebook Lean In push for more women in tech

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg has buddied up with social-network-for-suits LinkedIn to push for more women in technology as the number of female engineering students continues to shrink. "Careers in computer science and engineering are great for women (and men) – the work is high-impact, flexible, well-paid, and exciting. Yet …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Feb 2015

Apple preps to DUMP crappy, sluggish iPhoto FOR GOOD

Apple has pushed out a pre-release version of OS X Yosemite 10.10.3 to developers, ahead of Cupertino's planned Spring arrival of its iPhoto killer – Photos. Coders can now play around with a beta of the Photos app, after Apple confirmed in June 2014 at its annual Worldwide Developers Conference that it was abandoning its …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Feb 2015
Paul Winchell and dummy

O2 notifies data cops 'for courtesy' ... AFTER El Reg intervenes in email phish dustup

O2 has denied that it's suffered a serious data breach after customers began receiving sophisticated phishing emails that appeared to have been sent by the mobile operator late last month. It was claimed by subscribers that the body of the email included their name, email address, and date of birth. The dodgy messages about VAT …
Kelly Fiveash, 04 Feb 2015
London BMW 5-Series police car

Breaking news: BBC FINALLY spots millions of mugshots on cop database

The BBC's Newsnight team lurched into action last night by "revealing" that "up to 18 million" mugshots of Brits were being stored on a huge police database without proper regulatory oversight. Setting aside the fact that we already knew back in December that many of the photos kept on the Police National Database (PND) …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Feb 2015
Pretty woman looks miffed. Copyright: Danil Nevsky via Shutterstock http://www.shutterstock.com/pic.mhtml?id=149618984&src=id

Drunk on Friday night? Then YOU probably DIDN'T spot Facebook's privacy tweak

Facebook updated its privacy policy on Friday – a day traditionally chosen by politicians and football managers who are keen to bury bad news. While the planned tweakage was widely reported in November, the change came into effect on 30 January with little in the way of reaction from users [sorry, people] on the free-content ad …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Feb 2015
Mars' Point Lake

Black Beauty Martian meteorite IS a SPOT-ON match with Red Planet's DARK PLAINS: boffins

Scientists believe that a recently discovered Martian meteorite – dubbed Black Beauty – is representative of the "bulk background" of rocks on the surface of Mars. The 4.4 billion-year-old space stone, known as NWA7034, was found in the Moroccan desert several years ago. Black Beauty Mars meteorite A chip from Black Beauty. …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Feb 2015
Policeman claps in London street

Snapchat jihadist-fearing peers return with LAST GASP Snoopers' Charter demand

Updated As expected, peers are once again trying to sneak in amendments to the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill to swiftly pass a law in the UK that would gift spooks and police with sweeping powers to snoop on Brits' internet activity. Amendments to the proposed law were added overnight ahead of the bill reaching the report stage in …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 Jan 2015
Jurassic Park Ultimate Trilogy Blu-ray disc set

Google Now now SLURPS data from third party apps so YOU don't have to

Google has inked deals with 40 third party app makers, allowing the ad giant to rifle through data from the likes of Lyft and Airbnb to serve up "relevant information" to its Android users. The firm said in a blog post on Friday that it would begin slurping the data from inside a number of apps for its Google Now service – a …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 Jan 2015
Google slurs gay people in translation fail. Pic credit: All Out

Google Translate MEAT GRINDER turns gay into 'faggot', 'poof', 'queen'

Google has apologised after its language-scraping service offered up offensive alternatives including "poof" and "faggot" as replacements for the word gay. Campaign group All Out spotted the blunder and complained about the slurs to Google. The ad giant then replaced the words with more neutral terms. The worst insults to …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Jan 2015

Twitter ATTENTION SEEKERS can now blab to each other IN PRIVATE

Twitter is set to become even more annoying. The profit-lite company has padded out its network with 30-second videos, which will be a feature seized upon by admen. It's an unsurprising move, given that Twitter bought SnappyTV – a vid service used to edit and share clips from live telly broadcasts – in July last year. The vid …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 Jan 2015
Shaun of the dead zombies cricket bat movie still. Copyright Universal Pictures

Switch it off and on again: How peers failed to sneak Snoopers' Charter into terror bill

Analysis Bungling peers failed to thrust Theresa May's widely discredited Snoopers' Charter into the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill on Monday – but they did an excellent job of highlighting their ignorance about technology. A bewildered Lord King of Bridgwater trotted out the usual alarmist guff that Britain faced a grave and …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 Jan 2015

'One day, YOU won't be able to SENSE the INTERNET,' vows Schmidt

Google exec chairman Eric Schmidt misled the world last week by claiming that – one day – the internet will vanish. However, Schmidt was simply following the now well-worn path of his kingpin contemporaries by bigging up the Internet of Things – a piece of marketing jargon that many tech firms hope will slip into our vocabulary …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jan 2015
Dead Nation

Game over? Sony FINALLY offers compensation to MEELLIONS of PSN hack victims

Millions of PSN gamers, who were hit by a massive data breach on Sony's Playstation network back in 2011, are finally being offered the opportunity to claim compensation from the company. Stateside victims of the hack attack – PSN, Qriocity and Sony Online Entertainment subscribers who held an account before 15 May 2011 – have …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jan 2015
Woman looks immensely happy while staring into blank screen of unplugged monitor

'People ACTUALLY CONFUSE Facebook and the internet in some places'

QuotW Ex-Googler, Facebook COO and mouthpiece Sheryl Sandberg claimed this week that some users (sorry, people) actually think that Mark Zuckerberg's free-content ad network is the internet. This shocking assertion came as Zuck's Number Two defended a bullshit report from consultancy firm Deloitte, which claimed that Facebook's global …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jan 2015
Daniel Craig in Casino Royale

Sly peers attempt to thrust hated Snoopers' Charter into counter-terror and security bill

Britain's ISPs have attacked sneaky, proposed amendments to the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill that were tabled by four peers in Parliament this week – as they mounted an attempt to resurrect the Snoopers' Charter. Home Secretary Theresa May's draft Communications Data Bill was rejected by politicos in 2012, however, the …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Jan 2015
Mars Attacks!

Facebook: Yo 'people'! Zap fake news on our giant ad farm, would'ja?

Facebook has asked its users (sorry, people) to flag up posts on the free-content ad network that they think are hoaxes masquerading as news items. However, the Mark Zuckerberg-run company claimed that links to satirical stories would not be culled from Facebook as a side-effect of the crackdown on fake stuff. But asking its …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jan 2015
War of the Worlds

Elon Musk SNOWED UNDER with Googley DOLLARS for Space Internet

SpaceX has confirmed a meaty injection of cash from Google and Fidelity, after it was reported that the ad giant was closing in on an investment deal of up to $1bn with Elon Musk's firm. It means that Google and Fidelity now "collectively own just under 10 per cent of the company," SpaceX said in a brief statement, without …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jan 2015
The flying rooster seen in the stratosphere

SO. Which IS more important to humanity: Facebook, or Portugal?

Poll The Register, it would seem, has ruffled the feathers of some sensitive Portuguese folk by merely reporting the, er, facts as presented to us by consultancy outfit Deloitte, which – having been paid by Mark Zuckerberg's company – claimed that Facebook's global economic value was $227bn (stop sniggering at the back). Naturally, …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Jan 2015

Facebook is MORE IMPORTANT to humanity than PORTUGAL

Facebook has paid a bunch of consultants to make the dubious claim that the free-content ad network's worldwide economic value is far greater than the billions of dollars in sales it drums up each year. If figures from Deloitte are to be believed, Mark Zuckerberg's ego was stroked to the tune of $227bn, based on the assertion …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Jan 2015

Google: What this planet needs is INTERNET FROM SPAAACE

Google is reportedly close to flinging $1bn at Elon Musk's SpaceX to bulk up investment in the private company's development of satellites for internet-based services. According to The Information, which cited several people familiar with the matter, a deal could be sealed soon. One source said that Google had agreed to value …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Jan 2015
Darth Vader choking someone

Which of UK's major ISPs will let you have exotic p0rn? NONE OF THEM

Virgin Media, Vodafone and EE have promised to be more upfront with their subscribers about traffic management policies two and half years after rival, big name UK ISPs signed up to the voluntary "Open Internet Code". The telcos have also vowed not to choke the services of competitors, such as over-the-top players – Microsoft's …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Jan 2015

Twitter complies with Turkey's 'national security' blackout demand – BLOCKS newspaper's tweets

Turkey has once again browbeat Twitter into censoring some of the content posted on the micro-blogging site, after being threatened with an outright ban in the country. The demand came after the Turkish government issued a court order in Adana on Thursday. According to the New York Times, officials had told news organisations to …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Jan 2015
O2 XDA Argon

Hong Kong mogul mulls MULTI-BEELLION POUND bid for O2 – report

British mobile operator O2 has reportedly been eyed up by Hong Kong biz baron Li Ka-shing, with a takeover bid of up to £9bn apparently being floated. The owner of Hutchison Whampoa, which controls UK mobe carrier Three, has been in tentative talks with Telfonica-run O2, according to a report in today's Sunday Times (£), which …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Jan 2015

Facebook poaches design talent from Toronto firm – fate of staff unknown

A Toronto, Canada-based design firm has closed its doors after Facebook poached the boutique outfit's partners. On Friday, Teehan+Lax's bosses waved goodbye to their old offices – where it's understood they had employed around 40 staff – when they confirmed the move to San Francisco to work at the Mark Zuckerberg-run free- …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Jan 2015
Office Space

Stop viewing Facebook at work says Facebook at work on Facebook at Work

Facebook will soon tell its users (sorry, people) to dump its colleagues on the site and interact with them instead on the company's social-networking-for-suits site, Facebook at Work. In the meantime, Facebook is at work on Facebook at Work. Facebook will not be renamed Facebook at Home, but the Mark Zuckerberg-run firm has …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jan 2015

Silicon Valley WAGE-FIX: Tech firms mull new deal to kill staff lawsuit

Apple, Google, Adobe and Intel are reportedly closing in on a wage-fix settlement deal to end a long-running antitrust lawsuit brought against the companies by aggrieved engineers. According to Reuters, which has seen a brief document* filed at the US District Court, Northern District of California, plaintiffs were expected to …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jan 2015
Bond tries to decipher is tailor

Peers warn against rushing 'enhanced' DATA SLURP powers through Parliament

In the past 24 hours, UK Prime Minister David Cameron has reiterated that the Tories will once again attempt to push for large-scale surveillance of Brits' internet activity, if his party returns to Whitehall after the General Election in May. In parallel with the PM's latest efforts to gain support for more snooping powers …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 Jan 2015
Montage of front covers from Charlie Hebdo magazine

Paris terror attacks: ISPs face pressure to share MORE data with governments

Government ministers from European states, who met in Paris today in the wake of the atrocious attacks that stunned the French capital's population last week, have called on internet firms to do a better job of cooperating with spooks and police to help them fight terrorism. In a joint statement (PDF) from a number of Europe's …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Jan 2015

Mr Cameron goes to Washington for PESKY HACKERS chinwag with Pres Obama

U.S. President Barak Obama will end his week of lobbying for more powers to fight hackers online, by hosting Britain's Prime Minster David Cameron on Thursday and Friday, when the two leaders will discuss internet security. Thwarting malefactors who attack companies' computer systems, such as the recent, devastating assault on …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Jan 2015
Hacker image

Sony post-mortem: Obama lobbies for new legal powers to thwart hackers

In the aftermath of the massive hack attack on Sony Pictures – which the US government continues to insist was carried out by North Korea – President Barak Obama is expected to lobby hard for legislative overhauls to battle online threats. He will reveal those proposals early next week, an unnamed White House spokesperson told …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Jan 2015
Zuckerberg new news feed

Speak your brains, Colombia – Facebook chief to walk among you soon

A no doubt carefully-selected bunch of Latin American Facebookers will get to quiz the free-content ad network's kingpin Mark Zuckerberg during his first "Townhall Q&A" session away from Menlo Park. The billionaire, copper-haired boydroid, who has been extra chatty about freedom of expression this week, will be present at a …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Jan 2015
SpaceX barge landing spot

SpaceX in ROCKET HOVERSHIP PRANG: 'Close – but no cigar,' says Musk

Vid SpaceX's attempt to land its Falcon 9 rocket on a floating hovership in the Atlantic Ocean ended in failure in the early hours of Saturday morning. Youtube Video Billionaire Elon Musk tweeted about his firm's efforts to recover the rocket, after lift-off and separation from the Dragon private space podule, which is now winging …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Jan 2015