Kelly Fiveash

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Kelly Fiveash is the Weekend Editor of The Register.

BT Sport website AND app go TITSUP – footie fans weep

Enraged BT Sport subscribers have moaned about severe online disruptions to the service – but the company was yet to explain what had caused the Total Inability To Support Usual Performance (TITSUP) incident. An unknown number of football fans appeared to have seen their Sunday afternoon ruined after they were unable to view …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Aug 2015
Radar images of asteroid 1999 JD6 obtained on 25 July 2015. Image credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/GSSR

Boffins: Spooky, spinning SPACE PEANUT butters up Earth with close flyby

Vid NASA scientists have captured grainy radar pics of a peculiar-shaped, dark asteroid, dubbed "Space Peanut", which buzzed past Earth last weekend. Youtube Video 1999 JD6 – the boffinry name for the asteroid – made its closest approach to our world late Pacific Daylight Time on 24 July, the US space agency said. It flew past …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Aug 2015
shutterstock_101821642

Apple chief Cook cooks up rumours after BMW car talks, factory tour

Apple has reportedly been having secret confabs with car maker BMW – with scuttlebutt suggesting the companies flirted with the idea of a possible hook up. According to Reuters, Cupertino boss Tim Cook visited BMW's headquarters in 2014 and higher-ups at Apple were apparently taken on a tour of the facilities at the car …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Aug 2015
Robots emulate natural locomotion of water strider insects. Pic credit: Wyss Institute at Harvard University

Watch leggy ROBOT INSECT WALK on WATER before JUMPING OFF

Vid Scientists have created a leggy microrobot that mimics the actions of a water strider. They wanted to replicate the movement of the semi-aquatic insects to try to have a better understanding of how they are able to jump from watery surfaces with the same amount of force and height as a leap from rigid ground. Boffins from …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Aug 2015
Neil Armstrong's Lunar suit

SPACESUIT, once FOUND ON MOON: Crowd action saves it for the public

The very suit in which pioneering 'naut Neil Armstrong made his historic moonwalks is to go on show to the public – thanks in large part to a successful crowdfunding appeal for half a million bucks that will bankroll the exhibition. The Smithsonian Institution said earlier this month that it hoped to raise the cash to fund the …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Jul 2015

Boffins' audacious plan to blow up aircraft foiled by bomb-proof bag

Forsaken planes have been used in a series of boffinry experiments this week to test whether a bag lined with bomb-proof material could withstand an explosive blast. A group of international scientists and academics from the University of Sheffield – backed by the European Commission and run by a consortium of businesses and …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Jul 2015

Fiat Chrysler recall BLUNDERING could lump carmaker with $105m fine – report

Fiat Chrysler may cop a record-breaking fine from US authorities following a series of bungles. Earlier this week, the US National Highway Traffic Safety Administration was forced to recall 1.4 million Fiat Chrysler vehicles, following revelations that the computer systems built into the cars could be exploited by an attacker …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Jul 2015
Double Dragon

Game over for epic 15-year-long console ban, China says

Videogame giants will soon be able to make and sell consoles in China, after Beijing confirmed plans to lift a ban first instituted in 2000. Rules were relaxed in the country in 2014 to allow for the production and sale of "gaming entertainment" in the newly created Shanghai Free Trade Zone. Now, according to the Wall Street …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jul 2015
Hair ice in a forest near Moosseedorf, Switzerland (Credit: Christian Mätzler)

Boffins go to FUNGI town: Riddle of 100-year-old HAIRY, ICY dead wood finally cracked

Strange "hair ice" found sprouting on old wood has finally been explained by scientists: it's caused by fungi. For nearly a century, boffins have been baffled by the odd hairy phenomenon. It grows on dead wood during humid winter nights when air temperatures fall a little below zero degrees centigrade. A crack team of …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jul 2015
Boy slapping another boy on the head

Google dumps ISP email support. Virgin Media takes ball, stomps home

Virgin Media plans to shunt its email users over to an in-house system after Google told the cable company that it was ditching Gmail support for ISPs. The Register heard from a number of readers who have been told in recent days about the upcoming changes to the mail service. Virgin Media switched over to Gmail in 2009 and …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jul 2015
happy_woman_at_desk

WHOA! Windows 10 to be sold on USB drives – what a time to be alive

Truly these are magical days: Microsoft has confirmed that Windows 10 will indeed be sold on USB thumb drives rather than just on optical discs, confirming internet mumblings that have been current for some time. Over on Amazon.com, pre-order pages show that the operating system will be available on media other than DVDs. A …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Jul 2015

Microsoft to spoofed Skype users: Change your account passwords NOW

An unknown number of frustrated Skype customers have been pestered by spoof messages on the Microsoft service for weeks, but the company is yet to close what appears to be a gaping hole in its software. Instead, Redmond has advised Skype users to change their account passwords. But complaints are building up about the lack of …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Jul 2015
Shaun of the Dead

SourceForge staggers to feet after lengthy STORAGE FAIL outage

Popular open source code-hosting repository SoureForge has been battling a significant outage for days and is slugglishly recovering from a lengthy Total Inability To Support Usual Performance (TITSUP) drama. On Thursday, the site slipped into "disaster recovery mode" and since then it has been a torrid time for sysadmins …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Jul 2015
Goonies film still: truffle shuffle

Science sub spots lost Revolutionary-era SHIPWRECK

A submersible carrying out scientific research on the deep ocean bed off the Carolina coast has happened across an unexpected bonus: a Revolutionary-era shipwreck that nobody had known lay in the area. The wreck was sighted a week ago when researchers from Duke University, North Carolina State University and the University of …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Jul 2015

Hacking Team: We're the good guys, but SO misunderstood. Like Batman

The boss of Italian spy firm Hacking Team has spoken out for the first time about the recent massive hack of the company databases. This has exposed severe software security holes and gifted terrorists with zero-day exploits, among other things. David Vincenzetti, in an interview with La Stampa newspaper, claimed his firm …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 Jul 2015
Pluto dark spots. Image credit: NASA

WHAT ARE the 'WEIRD' SPOTS seen on far-flung PLUTO?

Astroboffins remain baffled by four mysterious dark spots captured in images buzzed back to Earth from NASA's New Horizons probe as it dashes towards its fateful rendezvous with dwarf planet Pluto. In particular, scientists have been fascinated with the size and spacing of the spots, which face Pluto's largest moon, Charon, …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 Jul 2015
Axe, image via Shutterstock

Drop-stitch: Microsoft's 3D Photosynth app sinks into oblivion

Seeing as Microsoft's axe has been sharpened in recent days, the company has now decided to swing it at some unpopular apps including its cloudy, pic-stitching Photosynth product. Redmond couldn't quite bring itself to admit it had fallen out of love with Photosynth by posting this statement on Friday: Today we are …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Jul 2015
An annotated version indicates features described in the text, and includes a reference globe showing Pluto’s orientation in the image, with the equator and central meridian in bold. Pic credit: NASA

PLUTO SPACE WHALE starts to give up its secrets

Excited NASA boffins have published yet more imagery of remote dwarf ice-planet Pluto – this time, however, with a bit more geology thrown in. The US space agency's New Horizons probe is now just three days away from its closest flyby of Pluto, having been on its deep space mission for nine and a half years. In the meantime, …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Jul 2015
This is graphene-based film on an electronic component with high heat intensity. Pic credit: Johan Liu / Chamers University of Technology

Cool-headed boffins overcome sticky issue: Graphene-based film could turn heat down

A graphene-based film could help to cool down overheating microelectronic devices, scientists have claimed in a new study. Researchers at Chalmers University, led by professor Johan Liu, have developed the 20 micrometre-thick film, which apparently has a thermal conductivity capacity of 1,600 W/mK – four times that of copper …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Jul 2015
First Tory-only budget in 19 years. Pic credit: Parliament TV screengrab

Osbo PRINTS first Tory budget in 19 years with his BARE HANDS

Summer Budget 2015 Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne delivered the first full fat Tory budget statement in 19 years today by shedding billions of pounds from Blighty's welfare system. During his statement to the House of Commons, Osbo praised Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith's "herculean efforts" with the …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Jul 2015
7/7 London bombings headlines. Pic credit: Elly Waterman under cc 3.0

7/7 memories: I was on a helpdesk that day and one of my users died

Ten years ago today I was sitting at my IT support desk at an ad agency in central London – covering the early shift and waiting for the first calls of the morning to come in from tired, agitated users. But on that day, the phones remained eerily silent and as the minutes ticked by none of my fellow techies had yet turned up …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Jul 2015
Bitcoin is the future of money CC 2.0 by Jonathan Waller https://www.flickr.com/photos/whitez/

Yank my blockchain: Bitcoin upgrade SNAFU borks hungry miners' currency

Bitcoin users have been urged to switch to pool mines that fully validate data blocks, after the virtual currency system hit a major snag during a planned upgrade. The open source P2P community warned on Saturday that "many wallets" were "currently vulnerable to double-spending of confirmed transactions." Anyone who received …
Kelly Fiveash, 05 Jul 2015
jaws

Samsung, Oppo collared in smartphone bloatware probe

Smartphone makers Samsung and Oppo face legal action in China over handsets apparently stuffed with bloatware. Plenty of folk in the People's Republic have moaned to regulators about pre-installed software on their phones, prompting Shanghai's Consumer Council to act. The country's Consumers' Association said in a statement …
Kelly Fiveash, 05 Jul 2015
Homer Simpson wearing a Glass headset to bed

Giddy Google Glass gazers, beware! FCC filing obscures view on new gadget

Google has been quietly beavering away at a new Bluetooth-enabled product with the not-exactly discreet ID tag of A4R-GG1. The "GG" in that name could point to a reworked version of Google Glass, as first noted by the Droid Life blog. Details of the mysterious device were revealed in FCC filings that were published on 1 July …
Kelly Fiveash, 04 Jul 2015

Silly Google's Photos app labelled BLACK PEOPLE as GORILLAS

Google's new Photos software automatically labelled images of black people as "gorillas". The ad giant has since apologised. Mountain View's hugely embarrassing blunder comes just one month after it launched its cloud-hosted photo storage service, and made a big deal out of its machine-learning features. Google also warned that …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Jul 2015
BT Openreach at work

Sky bangs on Ofcom's door – demands BT competition probe

Blighty's communications watchdog declined this morning to comment on Sky's demands for an in-depth competition probe of BT's broadband biz. Sky has argued in its submission (PDF) to Ofcom today that the regulator should ask the Competition and Markets Authority to intervene with a full inquiry into BT's strong grip on the UK's …
Kelly Fiveash, 29 Jun 2015
Falcon 9 just before it explodes. Pic credit: NASA

KRAKKOOM! SpaceX Falcon supply mission to ISS EXPLODES minutes after launch

Updated Elon Musk's Falcon 9 rocket exploded after liftoff today over the blue skies of Cape Canaveral, Florida – the catastrophic failure happened within minutes of the launch. The unmanned SpaceX rocket was carrying the Dragon capsule on its seventh planned mission to the International Space Station. The pod had been loaded with …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Jun 2015
Google car

Robo-car wars: Delphi's near crash, prang, wallop with Google DENIED!

Delphi Automotive has contradicted a senior exec at the company by denying that one of its robo-cars had come close to being pranged by a Google self-driving vehicle. The firm told Reuters on Friday that the news wire's earlier report – which earlier this week had quoted John Absmeier, Delphi's Silicon Valley lab director, …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 Jun 2015
Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook profile pic with rainbow filter

So much for rainbows, Zuck: Facebook staff still overwhelmingly male and white

Facebook may be celebrating gay rights around the world today by encouraging its users to paint their profile photos with a rainbow-themed filter, but the firm will be less proud about its latest diversity report. That's because the company's workforce remains overwhelmingly white and male. Facebook's latest "diversity report" …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 Jun 2015
sheep_herwick_648

Facebook dunks Instagram in new search filter sheep dip

Facebook has beefed up Instagram's search functions to pull the photo-sharing service into line with the rest of Mark Zuckerberg's siloed empire. It's hardly a surprising move, given that the announcement comes just weeks after Facebook confirmed plans to blast the photo filter app with ads. Instagram's revamped search feature …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Jun 2015
GCHQ Benhall doughnut aerial view

GCHQ didn't illegally spy on Brit NGOs, tribunal rules

Privacy International and Liberty failed today to convince the Investigatory Powers Tribunal (IPT) that GCHQ had unlawfully intercepted the communications of, and snooped on, UK-based human rights groups. The IPT, in its third and final judgment relating to the spying activities of Blighty spooks, said in its ruling on Monday …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Jun 2015
Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift boycotts Apple Music over no-pay-for-plays shocker

Taylor Swift has come out swinging against Apple's "shocking" decision not to pay musicians or composers a penny during a three-month music-streaming trial period. The pop star took to her Tumblr account today to confirm that she would be withholding her album – 1989 – from Apple Music to show her support for young songwriters …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jun 2015
Woman looks immensely happy while staring into blank screen of unplugged monitor

Microsoft U-turns on 'free' Windows 10 upgrade promise for ALL previewers

Microsoft has been forced to quietly edit a misleading blog post that seemed to suggest that anyone could get their mitts on Windows 10 for free – if they first installed a test version of Redmond's upcoming operating system for PCs. The only caveat appeared to be that folk had to use a Microsoft Account (MSA) that's connected …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jun 2015
Snake oil salesman

Buh bye fakers? Amazon tweaks customer product reviews system

Amazon has rejigged its product reviews systems for customers in the US, in an apparent move to mute fake ratings on the retail giant's service. The company said it was now using machine-learning tech that it had developed to try to flush out old and crappy reviews, according to Cnet. Amazon's Julie Law was quoted as saying: …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jun 2015
Dale Winton in Trainspotting

Supermarket tweet: Twitter ankles balloon in product, places shopping frenzy

Twitter has began testing new shopping features on the micro-blogging site and app as the firm seeks more ways to bolster its revenue. The San Fancisco-based company said in a blog post on Friday that it was playing around with two new functions to "make it easier for you to discover rich and relevant content about products and …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Jun 2015
Satya Nadella and Stephen Elop

BOOM! Stephen Elop shuffled out of Microsoft door

Ex-Nokia chief Stephen Elop is officially out of Microsoft. Redmond announced the cull of top execs at the software company in the past hour, and Elop is the most high-profile victim of the bloodletting. Elop, Kirill Tatarinov and Eric Rudder will be leaving Microsoft following a handover period at the firm. It means that the …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Jun 2015
Minority Report. Source: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment

Facebook Moments app NOT COMING to a mobile device near EU soon

Mark Zuckerberg may have bigged up Facebook's latest app release on Monday, but one thing was missing from the vomit-inducing, fluffy coverage around Moments: it won't be coming to Europe any time soon. The reason? Facial recognition technology is a key element of the app. So – given that Moments would be about as useful as a …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Jun 2015
Beats headphones

Beats loudspeaker silenced by Apple after $3bn buyout, report claims

Apple killed work on a Beats Electronics wireless loudspeaker after it bought rapper Dr Dre's company for $3bn last year, it has been claimed. According to Variety magazine, which cited project insiders, a new Wi-Fi product that would have competed with Sonos was set to be unveiled by Beats sometime before Christmas last year. …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Amazon data center

Amazon turns up spectacularly late to 'transparency' party, pours a large one

Amazon has finally released details of the info snooping governments from around the world demand of the retail and cloudy biz. The company said in a subdued blog post that it would publish a bi-annual information request report. It comes after Amazon – unlike its tech rivals – spent years resisting going public with the data. …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Philae takes a first look at the surface of Comet 67P

Sun's out, guns out: Plucky Philae probot WAKES UP ... hits 'snooze'

The Philae lander has woken from hibernation for the first time since its 60-hour, energy-draining mission on Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko last November, scientists at the European Space Agency confirmed today. Signals from the probe reached the ESA at its ops HQ in Darmstadt late last night. Philae, whose contact went dark …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Angry-looking cat. Pic by  Guyon Morée from Beverwijk, Netherlands. licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

'Lemme tell you about my trouble with girls ...' Er, please don't, bro-ffin

QuoTW This week, the science world was shocked to its dorky core after one of its own attempted to tell a joke. In public. Step forward Sir Tim Hunt and hang your head in shame. The Nobel Laureate, who has been a Fellow of the Royal Society for nearly 25 years, royally cocked up a speech to a group of senior female boffins at a …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Jun 2015
Approximate locations of five lander candidates initially identified in high-resolution OSIRIS Narrow Angle Camera images taken in Dec 2014. Image credit: ESA/Rosetta/NavCam

Boffins, feeling around in dark for Philae, lit up by bright spot on Comet 67/P

Vid The European Space Agency has determined a "good candidate" for the location of its Philae probot, which successfully landed on Comet 67/P in November last year. Since then, the location of the spacecraft's final resting place has remained a mystery for boffins working on the Rosetta mission. However, on Thursday the ESA said …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Jun 2015

NOBODY reading your Facebook post? TOUGH LUCK, sez Zuck

Facebook has fiddled with its News Feed algorithm to scan the amount of time someone spends reading a given post on the site and app. It means that "stories" that are shunned on the free content ad network will be pushed further down Facebook's News Feed page. Unsurprisingly, the Mark Zuckerberg-run company characterised the …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Jun 2015

Twitchy Google GAMES YouTube – hits 'play' on MULTI-BEELLION dollar market

Google is set to muscle in on the multi-billion dollar online gaming market, with the launch of a dedicated YouTube app and website. The ad giant, which failed in its bid to buy Twitch for $1bn last year, said in a blog post on Friday that the new service was coming to the US and UK this summer. Twitch was instead snapped up by …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Jun 2015
A still from Eppendorf's epMotion video

Nobel bro-ffin: 'Girls in the lab fall in love with me ... then start crying'

A Nobel prize-winning scientist has apologised after he told sexist anecdotes at a conference for top women boffins in South Korea. Sir Tim Hunt, who has been a Fellow of the Royal Society since 1991, utterly misjudged his audience with these ridiculous comments: Let me tell you about my trouble with girls. Three things happen …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Jun 2015

Ex-Microsoftie in worthless Euro netizens data security promise

An ex-Microsoftie has launched a new cloudy startup that promises to keep the data of Europeans "safe" by storing it only within the EU. But that pledge is utterly worthless, given that – for example – NSA chums are still likely to come calling for access to that data from their security counterparts in the 28-member-state bloc …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Jun 2015
Facebook Beacon

Facebook tosses creepy Place Tips beacons at stateside retailers

Facebook has begun dishing out "free" beacons to retail outfits in the US, just in time for an update to its eerie Place Tips technology, which is now being deployed across the country. The Yelp-like service kicks into life when a Facebook user's location-tracking is set to the default 'on' mode and their mobe has Bluetooth …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 Jun 2015

Microsoft makes Skype beach body ready with web browser beta release

Microsoft has released a beta web browser version of Skype in the US and UK, which will apparently be rolled out worldwide within the next few weeks. The software giant said Skype for Web could be used by existing State-side and Blighty customers who can now connect to the service via web.skype.com. It means that Skype calls …
Kelly Fiveash, 06 Jun 2015
Taylor Swift

Dre-stic measures: Apple Beats retreat from iTunes brand – report

Apple has reportedly all but abandoned its iTunes brand after 15 years of using the name for its music service. According to the Financial Times, the iThing maker will unveil Apple Music on Monday at the Worldwide Developers Conference. It's understood that Apple Music will be pre-installed when iPhone customers upgrade their …
Kelly Fiveash, 06 Jun 2015

Apple recalls Beats speakers: Rap chap's crap batt rapped in zap mishap flap

Apple is recalling its Beats Pill XL speakers over claims the product overheats to the point of burning one particular fan's finger. The speaker, which was manufactured in China, sells for $325, and apparently poses a potential fire hazard due to a faulty battery. Cupertino has promised to refund any US and Canadian customers …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Jun 2015