Kelly Fiveash

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Kelly Fiveash is the Weekend Editor of The Register.
Red telephone boxes near royal opera house

BT STORMS back to mobe biz with cheap SIM-only swoop

BT has tentatively returned to the mobile market it abandoned 13 years ago with a competitive SIM-only deal for its broadband customers. The one-time state monopoly – as expected – touted a 4G data, minutes and texts bundle this morning, with prices starting at £5 a month. BT's offer weds existing broadband subscribers to a 12- …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Mar 2015
android tongue

Pass the Lollipop: Google creepily warms to body contact with Android lock function

Google, it would seem, has quietly released a new smart lock mode feature for Android-powered devices. The function, which appears to have been dubbed "on-body detection", apparently allows a mobe to remain unlocked while it is carried in a customer's hand or pocket. According to the Android Police blog, the feature uses a …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Mar 2015
Two mobiles man

BT set to undercut rivals with return to mobile biz

BT will launch its own 4G network when it returns to the mobile market within the next few days, it has been reported. According to the Telegraph, the former state monopoly – which proposed a huge £12.5bn takeover of mobe operator EE late last year – will name its service BT Mobile and offer it only to the firm's broadband …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Mar 2015
Office Space

Facebook to fling open Messenger to third party apps – report

Facebook is reportedly set to announce plans to allow third-party apps to access the company's stand-alone Messenger service. The free content ad network, which released its Messenger app in 2011, is apparently poised to unveil deals with 20 different outfits. Mashable reported that Facebook will announce the tie-ins during its …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Mar 2015

Ancient SUPERNOVA EXPLOSION contains enough dust for 7,000 EARTHS, say boffins

Boffins believe that supernovae can produce enough dusty material to make thousands of Earths. An international team of scientists analysed the data from SOFIA – a NASA and German Aerospace Center's Stratospheric Observatory for Infrared Astronomy project – which had taken images of a dust cloud. "This discovery is a special …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Mar 2015
Trainspotting

Osbo: Choose a f*cking IoT fridge. Choose spirit-crushing driverless cars

Budget Day 2015 Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne vowed today that a Tory government would bring speedier internet connections of 100Mbps to most of Britain – a bold promise given the Coalition's delayed deployment of superfast broadband during the current term. Number 11's occupant made his final pre-election budget statement by …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Mar 2015

Facebook unveils P2P moola-to-mates payment feature

Facebook chumps can now send money to other Facebook chumps via the free content ad network's Messenger app. The company confirmed on Monday that the new peer-to-peer feature would be deployed initially in the US over the next few months. Facebook's money-transfer service offers to retain a user's Visa or MasterCard debit card …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Mar 2015
See No Evil Hear No Evil movie still

BT fined £800k over lax emergency text relay delay blunder

Britain's communications watchdog has fined one-time national telco BT £800,000 for failing to provide a revamped text-to-voice service for customers who have hearing and speech impairments. Ofcom said this morning that the company missed the regulator-imposed deadline – 18 April 2014 – to improve its text relay service. BT's …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Mar 2015
People mooning a crowd

Zuck: Get your FULLY EXPOSED BUTTOCKS off my Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg apparently "goes to great lengths to protect the privacy of his personal life", but it hasn't stopped the Facebook chief from encouraging the free content ad network's users to share more stuff online. Late on Sunday the company's boss confirmed that Facebook had slightly modified the wording of its guidelines …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Mar 2015
Tea

Boffins brew up FIRST CUPPA in SPAAACE using wireless energy (well, sort of)

Japanese scientists have claimed a breakthrough in beaming energy wirelessly, after they used microwaves to deliver 1.8 kilowatts of power though the air to a receiver a short distance away. That amount of power is enough to run an electric kettle, researchers at the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) enthused. "This was …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Mar 2015

'Just a kid' Zuck's word is his bond ... but NOT in his backyard, lawsuit claims

A lawsuit brought against Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg by a would-be neighbour has turned decidedly ugly, after court papers claimed that the billionaire had been described as "just a kid" by his own real estate broker. In May last year, property developer Mircea Voskerician accused Zuck of reneging on an alleged deal to …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Mar 2015
Homer Simpson reading on a tablet

Help! Virgin Media FORGETS to renew its security certificate on contact page

Virgin Media has failed to renew its security certificate on the company's 'Contact us' page of its website. It is currently displaying an "untrusted connection" warning about the help.virginmedia.com url. Customers who attempt to contact the Liberty Global-owned cable firm are greeted with the confusing alert that suggests …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Mar 2015
Blackberry Secutablet

Blackberry touts UNCERTIFIED 'secure' slab in hunt for public sector biz

CeBIT 2015 Blackberry unveiled what it claimed was a "high-security tablet" in Hannover on Saturday – even though the device awaits approval from Germany's infosec agency. The vendor showed off its latest product – dubbed SecuTABLET, which is based on the Samsung Galaxy Tab S 10.5 – at the annual CeBIT trade show. Blackberry said in a …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Mar 2015
Cosmic rays hitting Earth

Wham! NASA claims 'picture-perfect' blast-off for tricky MAGNETIC EXPLOSIONS mission

Vid NASA boffins crowed that the U.S. space agency had successfully launched its four Magnetospheric Multiscale (MMS) spacecraft into Earth's orbit on Friday. The mission, the first of its kind, involves studying the so-called magnetic reconnection phenomenon that is understood to cause powerful explosions in our solar system. It's …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Mar 2015

Facebook shops for ads tech – snaps up product search engine TheFind

Facebook has bought Mountain View, California-based product search engine TheFind for an undisclosed sum. The outfit, founded in 2006, confirmed the takeover from Mark Zuckerberg's free content ad network in a statement on its website. TheFind claimed to have helped 1 billion shoppers track down products using its service, …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Mar 2015
REM's Shiny, Happy People

Fizzy bubbles at the ready: Dot-com celebrates 30th birthday

In 1985 most commercial internet users were US government contractors, but all of that was set to slowly change after Symbolics became the first company to register a dot-com domain name. Thirty years on, the total number of registered top-level domains (TLDs) surpassed 288 million at the end of 2014, according to the latest …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Mar 2015
Birthdays in Pi. Image credit: Wolfram Alpha

Pi(e) Day of the Century is upon us! Time to celebrate 3/14/15 in style, surely?

It's the 14th of March, which means only one thing to maths nerds in the good ol' US of A: Pi Day. Americans, who insist on putting the month before the day (crazy, right?) when it comes to date arrangement, celebrate the mathematical constant that frames our science and maths – 3/14. It also happens to be Albert Einstein's …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Mar 2015

BBC websites GO TITSUP – Auntie blames 'internal system failure'

Updated The BBC is suffering a major outage, after its websites – including News and the public service broadcaster's iPlayer system – buckled in the past hour. It's unclear, at time of publication, what was behind the Beeb's technical woes. An unknown number of people attempting to visit various online BBC services were greeted with a …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Mar 2015

Doh! iTunes store goes down AFTER Apple Watch launch

Apple fanbois worldwide are flinging their iThings into the bin after the iTunes Store and App Store began spewing out error messages earlier. Cupertino spent much of this morning apparently ignoring gripes from fuming customers who moaned about the service going titsup on microblabbing site Twitter. However, Apple has finally …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Mar 2015

Facebook-owned, Billy-no-mates FriendFeed starves to death

FriendFeed – a photo, message and image-sharing website created by former Googlers in 2007 and scooped up by Facebook two years later – has signed its own death warrant. The firm said in a blog post on Monday that the service, which has been "maintained" ever since Mark Zuckerberg's company acquired FriendFeed, would be axed …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Mar 2015
Paul Ceglia

Holy Zuck! Facebook fraud suspect VANISHES

Paul Ceglia – who was once alleged to have forged a contract to claim ownership of half of Facebook – has gone missing ahead of a planned fraud trial. His lawyer, Robert Ross Fogg, told Bloomberg that Ceglia had disappeared from his home and left behind an electronic tracking device that the suspect had been ordered to wear on …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Mar 2015
Fluffy grey ragdoll cat relaxes next to laptop.

Sleepy eNom bombs websites in HUGE DNS OUTAGE – remains silent despite gripes

Domain name registrar eNom appears to have gone titsup worldwide since the early hours of this morning, according to reports from furious customers who – at time of publication – were yet to get a response from the Washington-based firm. Reg reader Tim told us that the service buckled roughly five hours ago. @smallgreentree @ …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 Mar 2015
Tim Cook as Mr T

Oi. APPLE fanboi! You with the $10k and pocket on fire! Fancy a WATCH?

High-end models of Apple's Watch, which apparently has its official release tomorrow, could carry a price tag of at least $10,000. But the 18-carat gold wristputer won't have additional fancy features, according to the Financial Times. Instead, it will apparently come loaded with the same functionality as Cupertino's Apple …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Mar 2015
George Osborne

UK.gov in pre-election 'Google tax' blitz against internet firms

Britain's Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has promised to tackle multinational internet outfits that divert profits to avoid big tax bills in Blighty. The so-called "Google tax" crackdown will reportedly be a highlight of the thin-lipped, Number 11 occupant's final budget before the General Election, which takes place …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Mar 2015
Curiosity's view of Mount Sharp

NASA: Curiosity rover's BROKEN ARM doesn't SPELL DOOM for Mars mission

NASA boffins are confident that its Mars-dwelling space tank Curiosity will return to full duty as early as next week, after its mission was temporarily scuppered by a short-circuiting arm. The U.S. space agency said yesterday that it was continuing to analyse what had gone wrong with the rover's arm movements. As The Register …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Mar 2015

Google hires engineers to run Android OS on virtual reality gear – report

Google has padded out a team of engineers to beaver away at an Android operating system to power virtual reality devices, it has been reported. According to the Wall Street Journal, the ad giant plans to follow its well-worn OS smartphone path, by releasing a VR version of its platform that will be freely available online. …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Mar 2015
Killer whale

MENOPAUSAL KILLER WHALES are wise old birds, trick-cyclists claim

Post-reproductive female killer whales act as key "repositories of ecological knowledge" to younger family members, a new study has claimed. Menopause is a rare and mysterious phenomenon among animals on Earth. Only humans, resident killer whales and short-finned pilot whales are predisposed to outlive their reproductive years …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Mar 2015
TwitterIPO

Twitter fears big EU tech payout to pacify lawmakers over data-slurping concerns

A fretful Twitter has told investors that it may be forced to shell out cash on IT infrastructure in Europe if the Safe Harbor pact between the EU and the US collapses. The profit-shy company, which derives most of its revenues from advertising, revealed its fears in Twitter's annual report published on Tuesday. Meanwhile, it …
Kelly Fiveash, 04 Mar 2015
Glorious future of China

Huawei preps to drop mobile & wearables lovebombs on U.S.

Chinese comms kit giant Huawei plans to try to woo American consumers in a marketing blitz promoting its mobes and wearables in the US – a country where it has failed to expand thanks to national security concerns expressed by the White House. On a number of occasions over the past few years, Huawei – which has a strong …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Mar 2015
Sundar Pichai

Google dips toe into U.S. mobile market with 'small scale' offering

MWC 2015 Google confirmed on Monday that it plans to enter the wireless carrier market Stateside within the "coming months". Top Mountain View mobile exec Sundar Pichai offered up scanty detail on the ad giant's biz strategy during a keynote speech at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona. On Google's seemingly cautious MVNO plans, …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Mar 2015
Bradley Horowitz. Image credit: Google

Bradley Horowitz on ailing Google+: Islands in the stream, that is what we are ...

Google product veep Bradley Horowitz is now heading up the ad giant's fading fast Google+ service, but its name appears to have put the willies up Mountain View's execs lately – to the point where they simply don't mention it any more. Horowitz confirmed in a short statement that he had, in effect, taken over from the "network …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Mar 2015
Spacewalking outside the ISS. Image credit: NASA TV

NASA 'nauts complete another EPIC SPACEWALK to route cables around ISS

Astronauts working on NASA's International Space Station have snaked yet more cabling around the orbiting science lab. Live images of Terry Virts' and Barry Wilmore's latest spacewalk were beamed down to Earth and aired via the U.S. agency's live TV feed. The 'nauts carried out the installations to reconfigure the ISS for new …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Mar 2015
Tim Cook

Tim Cook chills the spines of swingers worldwide

Apple boss Tim Cook has claimed that Cupertino's Watch, which will be wheeled out on 9 March, will replace car keys. Speaking in a puff piece interview with the Telegraph on Saturday, ahead of the company's latest event, Cook said that – among other things – the wrist-wearing gizmo would nag sedentary people once an hour to …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Google UK roof terrace

Blurred vision: Google dreams of a campus mixing buildings with nature

Google has submitted plans to redevelop four sites at its headquarters in Mountain View, California. The Chocolate Factory asked the city council to consider its application for an HQ revamp on Friday. Google hopes to design and build the offices from scratch, said the ad giant's real estate veep David Radcliffe said in a blog …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Grad James Stevenson, astronomer Jonathan Lunine and chemical engineer Paulette Clancy, with a Cassini image of Titan in the foreground of Saturn, and an azotosome, the theorised cell membrane on Titan. Credit: Cornell University

BOFFINS: Oxygen-free, methane-based ALIENS may EXIST on icy SATURN moon Titan

Scientists believe they have come up with a solid model for a new type of methane-based, oxygen-free life form that could thrive in the harsh, icy conditions of Saturn's mysterious freezing moon, Titan. The researchers at Cornell University reckon they have come up with "the first concrete blueprint of life not as we know it." …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Hyperloop plans

Elon Musk plans to plonk urban Hyperloop subsonic tube on California

Billionaire space baron Elon Musk has inked a deal with land developers in California to allow his company to begin installing an over-hyped, loopy new transport system appropriately dubbed Hyperloop. Previous mutterings from Musk had suggested that the first railgun-like tube-way would be constructed by Hyperloop Transportation …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Still from the movie Zoolander: Derek and a fellow model try to get the 'files' out of the Mac by smashing it to pieces. copyright Paramount Pictures

Barclays punts instant Twitter mobile payments app – best avoid while drunk

UK banking giant Barclays has confirmed plans to allow Brits and small businesses to use their, er, Twitter handle to make payments online. Customers who use Barclays' mobile payment service Pingit on Android phones and iOS slabs will be able to pay others via Twitter as of 10 March, the bank said. Barclays mobe banking boss …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Feb 2015
Apple iPod Camel Breathless album

iHump? Apple buys Camel Audio – report

Apple appears to have scooped up British music software specialist Camel Audio Ltd. As spotted by MacRumors, the outfit's UK address recently changed to 100 New Bridge Street, London, which just so happens to be Apple's registered office in Blighty. A filing (PDF) with Companies' House confirmed the new home of Camel Audio. …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Feb 2015
See No Evil Hear No Evil movie still

BT fixes home hub drop-out glitch ONE YEAR after denying flaw existed

BT has finally fixed a snag in its Home Hub 5 more than 12 months since customers began complaining about mystery disconnections that were hampering the wireless router. When The Register reported on the technical cockup in February 2014, BT was quick to dismiss the gripes by telling us it was "not aware of any issues" with the …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Feb 2015
Monsters vs. Aliens image

Lenovo to customers: We only just found out about this Superfish vuln – remove it NOW

A bruised Lenovo has finally released a removal tool for the Superfish vuln that hijacks web browsers to inject ads into pages. It comes after the Chinese PC maker spent the past few days attempting to make the bad news about the badware go away, with the claim that it had "stopped preloads [of the Superfish software] beginning …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Feb 2015

Nvidia U-turns on GTX 900M overclocking after gamer outrage

Nvidia has given in to furious gamers who were outraged by the firm's seemingly perplexing decision to prevent GeForce GTX 900M devices from overclocking. A driver update killed the function, as The Register reported earlier this week. Nvidia has finally waded into gripes that had been stacking up on the GeForce forums. The GPU …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Feb 2015
Game of Thrones Season One Blu-ray disc set

Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

Sky customers have been complaining for months about a firmware update that has cocked up their set top boxes but the media giant has been slow to repair the glitch, it has been claimed. An unknown number of Sky HD boxes have been crashing, failing to record pre-set programmes or altogether disrupting the TV service. Sky has …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Feb 2015
David Cameron, Prime Minister, meets Ren Zhengfei, founder and CEO of Huawei Technologies, in Downing Street, 11th September, 2012.

Huawei Browne-noses UK after hiring ex-BP peer for its board

Chinese telecom giant Huawei has appointed ex-BP chief exec Lord Browne to head up its UK board of directors. The company has repeatedly rejected concerns that Huawei has too much control over Blighty's critical infrastructure and communications systems, based on claims that its chairman (and erstwhile member of the People's …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Feb 2015

Virgin Media to splurge BEELLIONS on UK network infrastructure expansion

Virgin Media temporarily pushed BT's shares down more than 2 per cent on Friday, after it announced a juicy £3bn cash injection into Britain's internet infrastructure. The cable company, which was bought by John Malone's Liberty Global roughly 18 months ago, promised to bring broadband speeds of 152 Mbps to four million more …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Feb 2015
Two upended shopping trolleys in an alleyway. Photo by Cyron, licensecd under CC 2.0

Online retail giant Amazon GOES TITSUP ACROSS EUROPE

The UK wing of online retail giant Amazon collapsed within the past hour, and netizens across Europe appear to be reporting similar outage woes. Outraged shoppers are – at time of writing – complaining that the service has completely buckled. Hui. #Amazon ist wirklich #down. Irre. pic.twitter.com/YmEAcMLSh4 — Wolfram Bölte (@ …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
View of the LHC tunnel sector 3 to 4

Boffins grasp Big Knob, get ready to go ALL THE WAY at the LHC proton-punisher

Boffins at CERN are counting down the days until the rebuilt and now even more powerful Large Hadron Collider (LHC) particle accelerator restarts this spring, following a two-year-long shut down. Until this point, the LHC's power had been intentionally limited for safety reasons, but now its fullawesome power can be unleashed. …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Obama

Obama administration ENDORSES Apple Pay during Tim Cook's White House LOVE-IN

U.S. President Barack Obama has backed Apple Pay – Cupertino's new payment system – after iThing chief Tim Cook was given a 15-minute-long ad spot at the White House on Friday. That endorsement means that the government will accept Apple Pay transactions for citzens who have federal-payment cards and are, for example, claiming …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Dog's backside and tail

Help! DYING Google Helpouts YELPS out the door

Google has killed its Helpouts service less than two years since it first launched, because the ad giant failed to generate big bucks from a community of tipsters seeking to make small change from the venture. As we noted at the time, Google was attempting to move in on the bottom-feeding "how to" publishing market and hoover up …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Tim Cook as Mr T

Apple drives itself round bend: PITIES THE FOOL who inks deal with carmakers – source

Hours after rumours surfaced suggesting that Apple was working on an "automotive product" with established carmakers – new gossip apparently reveals that Cupertino will go it alone with a self-driving electric vehicle. The Tim Cook-run firm is said to be discussing its plans with eggheads at car manufacturers, but purely – it …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
EverQuest

Daybreak Game Company GOES TITSUP after painful Sony DIVORCE

Updated Daybreak Game Company, formerly known as Sony Online Entertainment, has been suffering outage issues with its service, just days after the outfit admitted it was laying off staff following its unexpected divorce from Sony. The firm behind the pioneering massively multiplayer online (MMO) role-playing game EverQuest, among other …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015