Kelly Fiveash

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Kelly Fiveash is the Weekend Editor of The Register.
TwitterIPO

Twitter fears big EU tech payout to pacify lawmakers over data-slurping concerns

A fretful Twitter has told investors that it may be forced to shell out cash on IT infrastructure in Europe if the Safe Harbor pact between the EU and the US collapses. The profit-shy company, which derives most of its revenues from advertising, revealed its fears in Twitter's annual report published on Tuesday. Meanwhile, it …
Kelly Fiveash, 04 Mar 2015
Glorious future of China

Huawei preps to drop mobile & wearables lovebombs on U.S.

Chinese comms kit giant Huawei plans to try to woo American consumers in a marketing blitz promoting its mobes and wearables in the US – a country where it has failed to expand thanks to national security concerns expressed by the White House. On a number of occasions over the past few years, Huawei – which has a strong …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Mar 2015
Sundar Pichai

Google dips toe into U.S. mobile market with 'small scale' offering

MWC 2015 Google confirmed on Monday that it plans to enter the wireless carrier market Stateside within the "coming months". Top Mountain View mobile exec Sundar Pichai offered up scanty detail on the ad giant's biz strategy during a keynote speech at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona. On Google's seemingly cautious MVNO plans, …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Mar 2015
Bradley Horowitz. Image credit: Google

Bradley Horowitz on ailing Google+: Islands in the stream, that is what we are ...

Google product veep Bradley Horowitz is now heading up the ad giant's fading fast Google+ service, but its name appears to have put the willies up Mountain View's execs lately – to the point where they simply don't mention it any more. Horowitz confirmed in a short statement that he had, in effect, taken over from the "network …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Mar 2015
Spacewalking outside the ISS. Image credit: NASA TV

NASA 'nauts complete another EPIC SPACEWALK to route cables around ISS

Astronauts working on NASA's International Space Station have snaked yet more cabling around the orbiting science lab. Live images of Terry Virts' and Barry Wilmore's latest spacewalk were beamed down to Earth and aired via the U.S. agency's live TV feed. The 'nauts carried out the installations to reconfigure the ISS for new …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Mar 2015
Tim Cook

Tim Cook chills the spines of swingers worldwide

Apple boss Tim Cook has claimed that Cupertino's Watch, which will be wheeled out on 9 March, will replace car keys. Speaking in a puff piece interview with the Telegraph on Saturday, ahead of the company's latest event, Cook said that – among other things – the wrist-wearing gizmo would nag sedentary people once an hour to …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Google UK roof terrace

Blurred vision: Google dreams of a campus mixing buildings with nature

Google has submitted plans to redevelop four sites at its headquarters in Mountain View, California. The Chocolate Factory asked the city council to consider its application for an HQ revamp on Friday. Google hopes to design and build the offices from scratch, said the ad giant's real estate veep David Radcliffe said in a blog …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Grad James Stevenson, astronomer Jonathan Lunine and chemical engineer Paulette Clancy, with a Cassini image of Titan in the foreground of Saturn, and an azotosome, the theorised cell membrane on Titan. Credit: Cornell University

BOFFINS: Oxygen-free, methane-based ALIENS may EXIST on icy SATURN moon Titan

Scientists believe they have come up with a solid model for a new type of methane-based, oxygen-free life form that could thrive in the harsh, icy conditions of Saturn's mysterious freezing moon, Titan. The researchers at Cornell University reckon they have come up with "the first concrete blueprint of life not as we know it." …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Hyperloop plans

Elon Musk plans to plonk urban Hyperloop subsonic tube on California

Billionaire space baron Elon Musk has inked a deal with land developers in California to allow his company to begin installing an over-hyped, loopy new transport system appropriately dubbed Hyperloop. Previous mutterings from Musk had suggested that the first railgun-like tube-way would be constructed by Hyperloop Transportation …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Feb 2015
Still from the movie Zoolander: Derek and a fellow model try to get the 'files' out of the Mac by smashing it to pieces. copyright Paramount Pictures

Barclays punts instant Twitter mobile payments app – best avoid while drunk

UK banking giant Barclays has confirmed plans to allow Brits and small businesses to use their, er, Twitter handle to make payments online. Customers who use Barclays' mobile payment service Pingit on Android phones and iOS slabs will be able to pay others via Twitter as of 10 March, the bank said. Barclays mobe banking boss …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Feb 2015
Apple iPod Camel Breathless album

iHump? Apple buys Camel Audio – report

Apple appears to have scooped up British music software specialist Camel Audio Ltd. As spotted by MacRumors, the outfit's UK address recently changed to 100 New Bridge Street, London, which just so happens to be Apple's registered office in Blighty. A filing (PDF) with Companies' House confirmed the new home of Camel Audio. …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Feb 2015
See No Evil Hear No Evil movie still

BT fixes home hub drop-out glitch ONE YEAR after denying flaw existed

BT has finally fixed a snag in its Home Hub 5 more than 12 months since customers began complaining about mystery disconnections that were hampering the wireless router. When The Register reported on the technical cockup in February 2014, BT was quick to dismiss the gripes by telling us it was "not aware of any issues" with the …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Feb 2015
Monsters vs. Aliens image

Lenovo to customers: We only just found out about this Superfish vuln – remove it NOW

A bruised Lenovo has finally released a removal tool for the Superfish vuln that hijacks web browsers to inject ads into pages. It comes after the Chinese PC maker spent the past few days attempting to make the bad news about the badware go away, with the claim that it had "stopped preloads [of the Superfish software] beginning …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Feb 2015

Nvidia U-turns on GTX 900M overclocking after gamer outrage

Nvidia has given in to furious gamers who were outraged by the firm's seemingly perplexing decision to prevent GeForce GTX 900M devices from overclocking. A driver update killed the function, as The Register reported earlier this week. Nvidia has finally waded into gripes that had been stacking up on the GeForce forums. The GPU …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Feb 2015
Game of Thrones Season One Blu-ray disc set

Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

Sky customers have been complaining for months about a firmware update that has cocked up their set top boxes but the media giant has been slow to repair the glitch, it has been claimed. An unknown number of Sky HD boxes have been crashing, failing to record pre-set programmes or altogether disrupting the TV service. Sky has …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Feb 2015
David Cameron, Prime Minister, meets Ren Zhengfei, founder and CEO of Huawei Technologies, in Downing Street, 11th September, 2012.

Huawei Browne-noses UK after hiring ex-BP peer for its board

Chinese telecom giant Huawei has appointed ex-BP chief exec Lord Browne to head up its UK board of directors. The company has repeatedly rejected concerns that Huawei has too much control over Blighty's critical infrastructure and communications systems, based on claims that its chairman (and erstwhile member of the People's …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Feb 2015

Virgin Media to splurge BEELLIONS on UK network infrastructure expansion

Virgin Media temporarily pushed BT's shares down more than 2 per cent on Friday, after it announced a juicy £3bn cash injection into Britain's internet infrastructure. The cable company, which was bought by John Malone's Liberty Global roughly 18 months ago, promised to bring broadband speeds of 152 Mbps to four million more …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Feb 2015
Two upended shopping trolleys in an alleyway. Photo by Cyron, licensecd under CC 2.0

Online retail giant Amazon GOES TITSUP ACROSS EUROPE

The UK wing of online retail giant Amazon collapsed within the past hour, and netizens across Europe appear to be reporting similar outage woes. Outraged shoppers are – at time of writing – complaining that the service has completely buckled. Hui. #Amazon ist wirklich #down. Irre. pic.twitter.com/YmEAcMLSh4 — Wolfram Bölte (@ …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
View of the LHC tunnel sector 3 to 4

Boffins grasp Big Knob, get ready to go ALL THE WAY at the LHC proton-punisher

Boffins at CERN are counting down the days until the rebuilt and now even more powerful Large Hadron Collider (LHC) particle accelerator restarts this spring, following a two-year-long shut down. Until this point, the LHC's power had been intentionally limited for safety reasons, but now its fullawesome power can be unleashed. …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Obama

Obama administration ENDORSES Apple Pay during Tim Cook's White House LOVE-IN

U.S. President Barack Obama has backed Apple Pay – Cupertino's new payment system – after iThing chief Tim Cook was given a 15-minute-long ad spot at the White House on Friday. That endorsement means that the government will accept Apple Pay transactions for citzens who have federal-payment cards and are, for example, claiming …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Dog's backside and tail

Help! DYING Google Helpouts YELPS out the door

Google has killed its Helpouts service less than two years since it first launched, because the ad giant failed to generate big bucks from a community of tipsters seeking to make small change from the venture. As we noted at the time, Google was attempting to move in on the bottom-feeding "how to" publishing market and hoover up …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Feb 2015
Tim Cook as Mr T

Apple drives itself round bend: PITIES THE FOOL who inks deal with carmakers – source

Hours after rumours surfaced suggesting that Apple was working on an "automotive product" with established carmakers – new gossip apparently reveals that Cupertino will go it alone with a self-driving electric vehicle. The Tim Cook-run firm is said to be discussing its plans with eggheads at car manufacturers, but purely – it …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
EverQuest

Daybreak Game Company GOES TITSUP after painful Sony DIVORCE

Updated Daybreak Game Company, formerly known as Sony Online Entertainment, has been suffering outage issues with its service, just days after the outfit admitted it was laying off staff following its unexpected divorce from Sony. The firm behind the pioneering massively multiplayer online (MMO) role-playing game EverQuest, among other …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
Interstellar movie black hole special effects

Interstellar sci-fi WORMS its way into spinning black hole science FACT

Vid Boffins who worked alongside Hollywood film-makers on the Oscar-nominated sci-fi flick Interstellar reckon they've come up with new discoveries that reveal the "powerful effects" of black holes – all thanks to the computer code that was used for the movie. As The Register reported back in October, theoretical physicist Kip …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
View-master

Smartphone NOT INCLUDED: Google plays with Mattel – plugs VR into retro toy

Toy manufacturer Mattel has inked an undisclosed deal with Google to turn its View-Master product into a "digital experience" for kids. The retro stereoscopic toy has been rebooted for youngsters as an "immersive 360-degree" virtual reality plaything, apparently. Mattel said it now works with Google's virtual reality headset …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Feb 2015
South Park

Worried you got PINK EYE when you shook hands? Doctor Google will see you now

Data-scraping ad giant Google is to begin serving up what it claims will be more "relevant" search results for netizens who seek information about medical conditions online. Chillingly, once Google users tap their perceived ailments into Mountain View's search engine, the company has promised it will be "easier to do more …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Feb 2015

Netflix to Cuba: Care to spend half your wages to see Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights?

Netflix has begun offering its TV and film streaming service in Cuba, where just five per cent of the 11.27 million-strong population has access to fixed broadband connections. The average monthly salary in the country as of 2013 was $17.77 (471 pesos) a month, according to the most recent figures from Cuba's National Statistics …
Kelly Fiveash, 10 Feb 2015
Herdwick sheep walk towards the camera

What time do you call this, BT? Late, state-funded broadband rollout plods on

Readers may recall a time when the Tory-led UK government trumpeted plans to have the best broadband connections in Europe by, well, now. That dream was shattered, however, when progress on the Broadband UK (BDUK) project stalled, in part due to intervention from Brussels' competition officials, who had questioned BT's tight …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 Feb 2015

Shy, retiring British spies come out as MEGA HACKERS

The UK government slipped out consultation documents on "equipment interference" and "interception of communications" (read: computer hacking by police and g-men) on Friday. They were made public on the same day that the Investigatory Powers Tribunal ruled that the spying revelations exposed by master blabbermouth Edward Snowden …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Feb 2015
Falcon explodes

Elon Musk: Hover rocket? Check. Hover ship? Check. Let's DO THIS

Elon Musk's SpaceX will attempt – for the second time – to land one of its reusable Falcon 9 rockets on a floating hover-ship out at sea, just a month after its last effort ended with a catastrophic explosion. Blast off of the rocket is expected to happen later today, Sunday, when it is scheduled to launch a space weather …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Feb 2015
The Raspberry Pi 2 Model B

'Camera-shy' Raspberry Pi 2 suffers strange 'XENON DEATH FLASH' glitch

Vid An odd little flaw in the new Raspberry Pi 2 has been discovered just days after its geekgasmic release – the PC doesn't like being papped under the bright lights of cameras. It apparently freezes when a Xenon flash is used to photograph the Raspberry Pi 2. The glitch was flagged up in a forum thread entitled "Why is the Pi2 …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Feb 2015
Microcapsules loaded with sodium carbonate solution

Ex-squeeze me? Baking soda? Boffins claim it safely sucks CO2 out of the air

A team of scientists believe they have made a "significant advance" capturing carbon dioxide with a little bit of help from one of the main ingredients in baking soda. They developed microcapsules made up of "a highly permeable polymer shell" and a fluid composed of sodium carbonate solution* to suck out carbon dioxide from coal …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Feb 2015
Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO

LinkedIn INKED IN with Facebook Lean In push for more women in tech

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg has buddied up with social-network-for-suits LinkedIn to push for more women in technology as the number of female engineering students continues to shrink. "Careers in computer science and engineering are great for women (and men) – the work is high-impact, flexible, well-paid, and exciting. Yet …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Feb 2015

Apple preps to DUMP crappy, sluggish iPhoto FOR GOOD

Apple has pushed out a pre-release version of OS X Yosemite 10.10.3 to developers, ahead of Cupertino's planned Spring arrival of its iPhoto killer – Photos. Coders can now play around with a beta of the Photos app, after Apple confirmed in June 2014 at its annual Worldwide Developers Conference that it was abandoning its …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Feb 2015
Paul Winchell and dummy

O2 notifies data cops 'for courtesy' ... AFTER El Reg intervenes in email phish dustup

O2 has denied that it's suffered a serious data breach after customers began receiving sophisticated phishing emails that appeared to have been sent by the mobile operator late last month. It was claimed by subscribers that the body of the email included their name, email address, and date of birth. The dodgy messages about VAT …
Kelly Fiveash, 04 Feb 2015
London BMW 5-Series police car

Breaking news: BBC FINALLY spots millions of mugshots on cop database

The BBC's Newsnight team lurched into action last night by "revealing" that "up to 18 million" mugshots of Brits were being stored on a huge police database without proper regulatory oversight. Setting aside the fact that we already knew back in December that many of the photos kept on the Police National Database (PND) …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Feb 2015
Pretty woman looks miffed. Copyright: Danil Nevsky via Shutterstock http://www.shutterstock.com/pic.mhtml?id=149618984&src=id

Drunk on Friday night? Then YOU probably DIDN'T spot Facebook's privacy tweak

Facebook updated its privacy policy on Friday – a day traditionally chosen by politicians and football managers who are keen to bury bad news. While the planned tweakage was widely reported in November, the change came into effect on 30 January with little in the way of reaction from users [sorry, people] on the free-content ad …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Feb 2015
Mars' Point Lake

Black Beauty Martian meteorite IS a SPOT-ON match with Red Planet's DARK PLAINS: boffins

Scientists believe that a recently discovered Martian meteorite – dubbed Black Beauty – is representative of the "bulk background" of rocks on the surface of Mars. The 4.4 billion-year-old space stone, known as NWA7034, was found in the Moroccan desert several years ago. Black Beauty Mars meteorite A chip from Black Beauty. …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Feb 2015
Policeman claps in London street

Snapchat jihadist-fearing peers return with LAST GASP Snoopers' Charter demand

Updated As expected, peers are once again trying to sneak in amendments to the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill to swiftly pass a law in the UK that would gift spooks and police with sweeping powers to snoop on Brits' internet activity. Amendments to the proposed law were added overnight ahead of the bill reaching the report stage in …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 Jan 2015
Jurassic Park Ultimate Trilogy Blu-ray disc set

Google Now now SLURPS data from third party apps so YOU don't have to

Google has inked deals with 40 third party app makers, allowing the ad giant to rifle through data from the likes of Lyft and Airbnb to serve up "relevant information" to its Android users. The firm said in a blog post on Friday that it would begin slurping the data from inside a number of apps for its Google Now service – a …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 Jan 2015
Google slurs gay people in translation fail. Pic credit: All Out

Google Translate MEAT GRINDER turns gay into 'faggot', 'poof', 'queen'

Google has apologised after its language-scraping service offered up offensive alternatives including "poof" and "faggot" as replacements for the word gay. Campaign group All Out spotted the blunder and complained about the slurs to Google. The ad giant then replaced the words with more neutral terms. The worst insults to …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Jan 2015

Twitter ATTENTION SEEKERS can now blab to each other IN PRIVATE

Twitter is set to become even more annoying. The profit-lite company has padded out its network with 30-second videos, which will be a feature seized upon by admen. It's an unsurprising move, given that Twitter bought SnappyTV – a vid service used to edit and share clips from live telly broadcasts – in July last year. The vid …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 Jan 2015
Shaun of the dead zombies cricket bat movie still. Copyright Universal Pictures

Switch it off and on again: How peers failed to sneak Snoopers' Charter into terror bill

Analysis Bungling peers failed to thrust Theresa May's widely discredited Snoopers' Charter into the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill on Monday – but they did an excellent job of highlighting their ignorance about technology. A bewildered Lord King of Bridgwater trotted out the usual alarmist guff that Britain faced a grave and …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 Jan 2015

'One day, YOU won't be able to SENSE the INTERNET,' vows Schmidt

Google exec chairman Eric Schmidt misled the world last week by claiming that – one day – the internet will vanish. However, Schmidt was simply following the now well-worn path of his kingpin contemporaries by bigging up the Internet of Things – a piece of marketing jargon that many tech firms hope will slip into our vocabulary …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jan 2015
Dead Nation

Game over? Sony FINALLY offers compensation to MEELLIONS of PSN hack victims

Millions of PSN gamers, who were hit by a massive data breach on Sony's Playstation network back in 2011, are finally being offered the opportunity to claim compensation from the company. Stateside victims of the hack attack – PSN, Qriocity and Sony Online Entertainment subscribers who held an account before 15 May 2011 – have …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jan 2015
Woman looks immensely happy while staring into blank screen of unplugged monitor

'People ACTUALLY CONFUSE Facebook and the internet in some places'

QuotW Ex-Googler, Facebook COO and mouthpiece Sheryl Sandberg claimed this week that some users (sorry, people) actually think that Mark Zuckerberg's free-content ad network is the internet. This shocking assertion came as Zuck's Number Two defended a bullshit report from consultancy firm Deloitte, which claimed that Facebook's global …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Jan 2015
Daniel Craig in Casino Royale

Sly peers attempt to thrust hated Snoopers' Charter into counter-terror and security bill

Britain's ISPs have attacked sneaky, proposed amendments to the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill that were tabled by four peers in Parliament this week – as they mounted an attempt to resurrect the Snoopers' Charter. Home Secretary Theresa May's draft Communications Data Bill was rejected by politicos in 2012, however, the …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Jan 2015
Mars Attacks!

Facebook: Yo 'people'! Zap fake news on our giant ad farm, would'ja?

Facebook has asked its users (sorry, people) to flag up posts on the free-content ad network that they think are hoaxes masquerading as news items. However, the Mark Zuckerberg-run company claimed that links to satirical stories would not be culled from Facebook as a side-effect of the crackdown on fake stuff. But asking its …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jan 2015
War of the Worlds

Elon Musk SNOWED UNDER with Googley DOLLARS for Space Internet

SpaceX has confirmed a meaty injection of cash from Google and Fidelity, after it was reported that the ad giant was closing in on an investment deal of up to $1bn with Elon Musk's firm. It means that Google and Fidelity now "collectively own just under 10 per cent of the company," SpaceX said in a brief statement, without …
Kelly Fiveash, 21 Jan 2015
The flying rooster seen in the stratosphere

SO. Which IS more important to humanity: Facebook, or Portugal?

Poll The Register, it would seem, has ruffled the feathers of some sensitive Portuguese folk by merely reporting the, er, facts as presented to us by consultancy outfit Deloitte, which – having been paid by Mark Zuckerberg's company – claimed that Facebook's global economic value was $227bn (stop sniggering at the back). Naturally, …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Jan 2015