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Kelly Fiveash

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Zuckerberg topless

GROUP HUG, shouts Facebook. C'mere and let us squeeze you more

Facebook's strategy of breaking out its features into separate apps continued on Tuesday – with the launch of a Groups application for iOS and Android. While more than half a billion Facebookers shunned the Messenger chat app that was spun out from the main FB app, the Mark Zuckerberg-run biz has soldiered on and built a new …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Nov 2014

GiffGaff spanked for clumsy attempt at mum-and-dad-humping humour

GiffGaff has been admonished by the UK's advertising watchdog, after a publicity stunt backfired for being too fruity. The mobile network posted a video on Twitter that read: "The situations in our new videos are, well, awkward." The tweet also carried the NSFW (not safe for work) hashtag. The Advertising Standards Authority …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Nov 2014
FAIL

Ofcom tackles complaint over Premier League footie TV rights

UK communications watchdog Ofcom has opened an investigation into Premier League football TV rights, following a complaint from Virgin Media. The telco's chief Tom Mockridge said his company welcomed the probe. "Fans in the UK pay the highest prices in Europe to watch the least amount of football on TV," he griped. "Now is the …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Nov 2014
Objection!

China BLOCKS Verizon's EdgeCast before internet meeting

Verizon's recently acquired content delivery network EdgeCast has been blocked in China the day before the country hosts the World Internet Conference. The US telco confirmed on Monday that its service had been subjected to censorship in the People's Republic. EdgeCast said in a statement on its website that it was the latest …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Nov 2014

Holy cow! Fasthosts outage blamed on DDoS hack attack AND Windows 2003 vuln

Fasthosts' five-hour collapse today has been blamed on a Distributed Denial of Service attack and a security flaw spotted on its Windows 2003 shared web server kit. The company explained the torrid morning it had suffered in an emailed statement to The Register. Earlier today, after we reported that Fasthosts had gone titsup, …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Nov 2014

Fasthosts goes titsup, blames DNS blunder

Fasthosts went titsup this morning after DNS issues blighted the service. Biz customers complained about the outage and demanded an immediate fix from Fasthosts, which has been responding to the technical crisis via its Twitter account. Others moaned that they were unable to get through on Fasthosts' support phone line, which …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Nov 2014

Broadband sellers in the UK are UP TO no good, says Which?

UK telcos need to stop fibbing about the network speeds they offer to subscribers, consumer champion Which? demanded today. It said that British ISPs had a dirty habit of using "up to" jargon in their marketing – even though such a superfast broadband connection promise only applied to 12 per cent of punters. Which? noted that …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Nov 2014

Facebook, working on Facebook at Work, works on Facebook. At Work

Facebook's decision to hire engineers in London is apparently related to plans to build a biz-friendly platform that will compete with such products as LinkedIn, Microsoft Office and Google's Drive. But, until "Facebook At Work" is ready, Facebookers will still be using ordinary Facebook at work. According to an FT scoop, …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Nov 2014

UK digi exclusion: Poor families without internet access could 'miss out' on child tax credit

Brits who aren't online but are entitled to access to the Tory-led Coalition government's childcare tax break could lose out, it has been reported. According to the Independent on Sunday, which was handed a leaked letter to MPs from Exchequer Secretary Priti Patel, up to 200,000 families could be affected when the new tax is …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Nov 2014

Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE packet loss balls-up

Virgin Media's broadband network suffered what appeared to be a widespread service disruption on Saturday – the second such weekend, packet loss blunder to have struck the cable company in recent months. Customers complained on VM's forum and Twitter about major performance problems blighting the network. However, it took …
Kelly Fiveash, 16 Nov 2014

Want to STUFF Facebook with blatant ADVERTISING? Fine! But you must PAY

Facebook has warned marketing types who use the free-content ad network to tout brands through so-called "promotional Page posts" that they will soon be extirpated. The Mark Zuckerberg-run company put admen on notice yesterday in a blog post that made it clear that Facebook will only allow brands to promote their own gear if …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Nov 2014
Philae ROLIS view of the comet landing site from 40m

Lights OUT for Philae BUT slumbering probot could phone home again as comet nears Sun

Philae's final hurrah (for now at least) on Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko ended with success, the mission's jubilant boffins confirmed late last night. The fridge-sized, plucky probot, which made the historic landing on the speeding, icy space-rock 300 million miles (or 500 million kilometres) from Earth on Wednesday, was …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Nov 2014
Philae takes a first look at the surface of Comet 67P

Looking GOOD, probot. Philae good, humans: 'Yes ... YES! The lander is sitting on the ground'

This was the week when a bunch of European space boffins made history by successfully landing a man-made object on a speeding, icy comet, after a few dramatic, bouncy bumps along the way. The Register's space vulture Brid-Aine Parnell witnessed the tense affair unfold at the European Space Agency's ops complex in Darmstadt, …
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Nov 2014
Dark Side of the Moon album cover

CityFibre FEEDS hungry EE and Three customers with DARK FIBRE

EE and Three signed an agreement with CityFibre this morning to deploy dark fibre backhaul links to mobile masts for the UK networks. Financial details of the national framework deal, which was also struck with the operators' Mobile Broadband Network Ltd (MBNL) joint venture, were kept secret. CityFibre said that lighting up …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Nov 2014
Sky 3D football

Sky: We're no longer calling ourselves British. Yep. And Broadcasting can do one, too

BSkyB has ditched the words British and Broadcasting from its name, after the media and telecoms company completed its takeover of Sky Italia and Sky Deutschland yesterday. From now on, it will simply be known as Sky, but shareholders will be asked to approve the name switch at the firm's AGM on 21 November. Its company stock …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Nov 2014

Google DoubleClick goes TITSUP. ENJOY your AD-FREE WORLD!

Publishers across the web are seeing a huge surge in site load speeds, after Google's DoubleClick ad tech collapsed within the past hour. At time of writing, Google was yet to respond to The Register's request for comment. But its servers have clearly suffered a major meltdown. Readers who don't use ad-blockers because they …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 Nov 2014

Yorkshire man NICKS 1,000 Orange customer records. Court issues TINY FINE

A man who attempted to illegally access the passwords and login details of more than 1,000 Orange customers has been fined just £500 for his actions. The Information Commissioner's Office said that the 25-year-old company director Matthew Devlin was handed the financial penalty after he appeared before Calderdale Magistrates' …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 Nov 2014
TalkTalk YouView set top box launch

TalkTalk's 'unbeatable signal strength' and 'fastest Wi-Fi tech' FIBS silenced by ad watchdog

TalkTalk is the latest ISP to be rapped by the UK's advertising watchdog for telling porkies about its broadband service. The budget telco was admonished by the Advertising Standards Authority for failing to substantiate claims it made about its network. TalkTalk made the following outlandish assertion in a circular advert: …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 Nov 2014

Shuddit, Obama! Here in Blighty, we ISPs have net neutrality nailed

As we saw from Vodafone's announcement on Tuesday, competition in the broadband market is thriving here in the UK. So, should consumers be fretting about the fierce net neutrality debate going on across the Atlantic? The European Commission, steered by former unelected digi czar "Steelie" Neelie Kroes, would very much like it if …
Kelly Fiveash, 12 Nov 2014

Bullish Vodafone barges back into UK consumer broadband market

Vodafone is plotting to re-enter the UK's competitive broadband market in 2015 – with a little help from arch enemy BT. The mobile operator said this morning that it would use the Cable & Wireless Worldwide network it bought in 2012 to tout its rival service at Brits. That acquisition gifted Voda with access to nearly 13,000 …
Kelly Fiveash, 11 Nov 2014
BrickArms' Toy taliban figure

'Tech giants who encrypt comms are unwittingly aiding terrorists', claims ex-Home Sec Blunkett

Former, draconian Home Secretary David Blunkett – who held the post at the time of the 9/11 attacks in the US – has claimed that technology companies that encrypt communications on their networks are helping terrorists to spread fear. The Labour MP, writing in Saturday's Daily Telegraph, lambasted Martha Lane-Fox for telling the …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 Nov 2014

Virgin Media CUTS OFF weekend 'net surfers after embarrassing smut-filtering snafu

Virgin Media customers were hit by an annoying network cockup on Saturday, after the cable company's smut-filtering Web Safe system stupidly blocked lots of websites. Subscribers complained about the snafu on Twitter, where many people claimed that they could barely access anything over Virgin Media's network. Reg reader Red …
Kelly Fiveash, 09 Nov 2014
Original "Airplane" image from Paramount Pictures

Brussels' transport chief demands a single European sky to end 'air traffic gridlock'

EC officials are pushing for countries in the 28-member bloc to bring an end to "gridlock in the skies" above Europe, by urging them to be more flexible about national airspace. The EU's transport commissioner, Violeta Bulc, said during a speech in Rome, Italy on Friday that attitudes needed to change to address what she claimed …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Nov 2014
Alf Garnett and Else BBC sitcom - Till Death Us Do Part

Samaritans yanks creepy Twitter-spying Radar app amid privacy fears

A creepy, do-gooder app created by the Samaritans has been moth-balled by the charity, following a deluge of privacy concerns about the stalking tool. In a post on its website late on Friday, the UK organisation – which serves as an anonymous, safe service for crisis-hit Brits who seek advice and support – admitted it had …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Nov 2014

Zuck on The Social Network: Nobody wants to watch my REAL life for 2 hrs straight

Mark Zuckerberg has once again trashed David Fincher's candid portrayal of the Facebook co-founder's life in his 2010 film The Social Network. The 30-year-old, free content ad network boydroid accused the filmmakers of embellishing his time at Harvard University, when quizzed about the movie during the company's first, heavily …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Nov 2014
Total Recall outside on Mars scene

Eye laser surgery campaigner burned by Facebook takedown

Imagine fighting a big UK company for years for the simple right to campaign fairly online against an under-regulated industry. You go on to win a dispute resolution case probed by Nominet to keep your perfectly legitimate gripe website alive. You also successfully defend yourself against the firm's strong-armed appeals. Then …
Kelly Fiveash, 05 Nov 2014
Alien world view in Interstellar

How Hollywood film-makers wove proper physics into Interstellar

Youtube Video Having a theoretical physicist attached to a Hollywood sci-fi film proved to be a pretty slick move for Interstellar director Christopher Nolan, who worked with Kip Thorne from the start of the project. "What the algorithms gave us was extremely spectacular," Nolan explained in this short, neat vid about the hard …
Kelly Fiveash, 04 Nov 2014
francis_maude_flames_evil

Pitchforks at dawn! UK gov's Verify ID service FAILS to verify ID

The UK government has been forced to defend its gaffe-ridden Identity Assurance scheme, dubbed "Verify", after a public beta version it released failed to work for some farmers who tried to register for a service using the new system. The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, which has been testing the tech …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Nov 2014
SpaceShipTwo launch

Dead pilot named in tragic Virgin Galactic spaceship crash

A co-pilot killed during a catastrophic test flight of Virgin Galactic's SpaceShipTwo has been named. Michael Alsbury, 39, died in the tragic crash on Friday, while Peter Siebold, 43, was seriously injured. Siebold, who is the director of flight operations at Scaled Composites – Virgin Galactic's builder and designer – was …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Nov 2014

'National roaming' law: Stubborn UK operators to be FORCED to share

Mobile operators in the UK could be forced to accept network-switching arrangements with their rivals, if legislation – reportedly expected to be unveiled this week – is pushed through Parliament. According to a number of reports in the Sunday newspapers this morning, the Department for Culture, Media and Sport wants to …
Kelly Fiveash, 02 Nov 2014

Curious to know if the UK's Tory-led government is a MEGA SPY? Answer: Yes

It was revealed this week that Britain's surveillance of our online and telephone activity rocketed since the the Tories and Lib Dems formed a Coalition government in 2010. Home Office minister James Brokenshire published the figures on Thursday in response to a question from the chair of the cross-party home affairs select …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Nov 2014
Gottfrid Svartholm Warg

Pirate Bay co-founder JAILED for three years after massive CSC HACK ATTACK

The Pirate Bay co-founder Gottfrid Svartholm Warg was banged up for three and a half years on Friday. The jail term comes after the 30-year-old was found guilty of hacking charges by a court in Denmark on Thursday. Warg and an unnamed, 21-year-old accomplice hacked into the mainframe of American tech outfit CSC, which was …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Nov 2014
SpaceShipTwo crash

Branson on Virgin Galactic fatal crash: 'Space is hard – but worth it'

Richard Branson raced to the scene of a Virgin Galactic test flight tragedy last night, after the company's SpaceShipTwo crashed killing one pilot and left another seriously injured. In a blog post, the British billionaire businessman said he want to be in Mojave, California "with the dedicated and hard-working people who are …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Nov 2014
Google Chocolate Factory

Google boss: I want Euro biz to be BIGGER THAN SEARCH

Google's boss Larry Page is not satisfied with his company's powerful grip on the technology world and is keen to see the ad giant grow beyond its key stronghold of search, where it holds a dominant position in Europe. In an interview with the Financial Times, Page said that Google was considering changing its mission statement …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Nov 2014

UK.gov set to burn half a BEELLLION POUNDS on one-dole-to-rule-em-all IT, claims PAC chair

The UK government's deeply troubled Universal Credit omni-dole project is expected to lead to IT write-offs of more than £500m, according to Public Accounts Committee chair Margaret Hodge. In an interview for a special BBC Radio 4 programme on welfare reform, the Labour MP said that she believed money blown on the taxpayer- …
Kelly Fiveash, 29 Oct 2014
Pierce Brosnan in Tomorrow Never Dies

'GCHQ's surveillance data gulp is BULKY and WARRANTLESS', human rights groups moan

Britain's spooks routinely rummage through reams of intelligence data from the NSA and other foreign spy agencies without first having to request a warrant, it has been claimed. According to the human rights groups that brought the UK's snooping agency GCHQ to court in July this year, secret internal policies unveiled during a …
Kelly Fiveash, 29 Oct 2014
IT Crowd. Source: Channel 4 / 2entertain

US court SHUTS DOWN 'scammers posing as Microsoft, Facebook support staff'

The US Federal Trade Commission has shuttered a New York-based tech support business, after scammers allegedly hoodwinked Facebook and Microsoft users into paying hundreds of dollars for tech advice from Pairsys Inc. According to court documents (PDF) filed by the consumer protection agency, the firm was accused of violating the …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Oct 2014
Homer Simpson reading on a tablet

T-Mobile US chief SUCKS UP to Apple, gently ridicules rivals over SIM lockdown play

AT&T has been getting plenty of stick in the US, after it decided to disable Apple's SIM carrier-switching feature and greedily grab a customer's new iPad for good. Now, T-Mobile's US boss John Legere has mocked his competitors, while claiming that his company allows consumers to switch between operators. In a series of 20 …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Oct 2014
ipod u2 edition

Just don't blame Bono! Apple iTunes music sales PLUMMET

Elevation and Vertigo may be songs that hit the high notes for Apple boss Tim Cook's chums U2, but the same can't be said for sales of iTunes music right now, which have reportedly nosedived since the start of 2013. According to the Wall Street Journal, iTunes revenue witnessed a rapid decline of around 13 per cent to 14 per …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Oct 2014
Rotten apple

The DRUGSTORES DON'T WORK, CVS makes IT WORSE ... for Apple Pay

Apple Pay has reportedly been refused by not one but two leading US main-street pharmacies - apparently because their parent company is developing its own payment system. According to MacRumors, the large Stateside pharmacy CVS killed its near field communications (NFC) terminals just days after it was claimed that drugstore …
Kelly Fiveash, 26 Oct 2014
Steve Ballmer

SHOW ME THE MONEY! Ballmer on Amazon: 'They're not a real biz, they make NO cash'

Ex-Microsoft boss Steve Ballmer has attacked retail giant Amazon for failing to make a profit after more than two decades of trading its wares online. "They make no money, Charlie. In my world, you're not a real business until you make some money. I have a hard time with businesses that don't make money at some point," Big …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Oct 2014

Google roolz! Nest buys Revolv, KILLS new sales of home hub

Google's thermostat maker Nest Labs has snapped up upstart Revolv for an undisclosed sum. The takeover comes after Mountain View acquired Nest at the beginning of this year for $3.2bn. Revolv, which only hit the connected home market in 2013, announced the deal on its website. It abruptly added that sales of its automation hub …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Oct 2014

UK.gov pushes for SWIFT ACTION against nuisance calls, threatens £500k fines

The UK government is hoping to force through a change in law to lower the legal threshold on punishments handed out to companies that make nuisance calls and send annoying texts to Brits. A six-week consultation process was announced by the Department of Culture, Media and Sport this morning. Culture Secretary Sajid Javid said …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Oct 2014

'ANYTHING BUT STABLE' Netflix suffers BIG Europe-wide outage

Netflix was struck by what appeared to be a fairly significant 90-minute outage on its streaming service late on Friday night that affected folk across Europe. The company coughed to problems with its network at around 9:30pm UK time last night. We're aware of members in Europe having trouble streaming on some devices. We are …
Kelly Fiveash, 25 Oct 2014
channel_teaser_money_top

Facebook pays INFINITELY MORE UK corp tax than in 2012

Facebook has responded to critics who attacked the free content ad network for contributing exactly zero bucks to UK corporation tax in 2012, by dishing up a a tiny sum of just £3,000 to HM Revenue & Customs last year. However, the £3,169 bill Facebook owed to the Treasury in 2013 was offset by tax credits – which in fact left …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Oct 2014
A boat full of Fail

Google+ goes TITSUP. But WHO knew? How long? Anyone ... Hello ...

A number of Google services including Gmail, Contacts, Calendars, Chat, Drive and, er, Google+ suffered a midweek sag this morning just as Brits were downing their first cups of coffee. The ad giant's network appeared crippled to some users within the last hour. Register reader John told us that lots of different Google …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Oct 2014

Computer misuse: Brits could face LIFE IN PRISON for serious hacking offences

British computer hackers who severely damage the national security of any country could face life in prison under a new criminal offence proposed in the Serious Crime Bill, however the plan has been attacked for lacking legal certainty by MPs and peers. The Joint Committee on Human Rights raised the alarm last Friday, after the …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Oct 2014

EU digi tzar: 'I like the nickname STEELIE NEELIE. Yeah, why not'

Outgoing Brussels' unelected digi commissioner Neelie Kroes was in London this morning for her swansong in the UK's capital city, ahead of the vice-president's tenure ending later this month. Steelie Neelie surprisingly remarked that she liked the nickname The Register had given her. When asked about the moniker, she said: "Yeah …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Oct 2014
Picard Facepalm

Yahoo! finally! releases! Flickr! app! for! iPad! BUT! shuns! Windows! fans!

Yahoo! has finally developed a Flickr app for Apple's iPad – but the move has upset Microsoft Windows' fans who have accused the Purple Palace of having "selective hearing" about its userbase. The Marissa Mayer-run company, which bought photo-sharing site Flickr in 2005, said on Friday that it had cooked up an app for Cupertino' …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Oct 2014

Whisper chief: 'We're not infallible but strive to do right by our anonymous users'

Whisper's CEO Michael Heyward responded late on Saturday to claims that his company's anonymous messaging app was quietly tracking the location of its users. He admitted in a post published on Medium that Whisper wasn't perfect, but Heyward was quick to defend its business tactics, after revelations emerged that the startup …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Oct 2014