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Elephant

Cloudera bags $160m from Google Ventures and Mike Dell

Cloudy startup Cloudera has raised $160m from top investors including T Rowe Price and Google Ventures in its latest funding round to expand further into the big data market. "Cloudera will use the funding to further drive the enterprise adoption of and innovation in Hadoop and promote the enterprise data hub (EDH) market, …
South Park Ginger Cow episode

Google settles copyright suit with Viacom over YouTube vids

Google and Viacom have settled their copyright differences stemming from the media company's accusation that the Choc Factory was posting its shows on YouTube without permission. Viacom alleged that Google was allowing clips from programmes like South Park and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on YouTube in violation of its …

Feds charge three in brain-ache $15m Pentagon payroll pillage plot

Three men have been indicted in the US for trying to steal at least $15m by hacking into the Department of Defence's payroll service and customer accounts at 14 different financial institutions. The US Attorney's office in New Jersey has charged two men from Kiev in Ukraine, Oleksiy Sharapka and Leonid Yanovitsky, and a third …
Facebook WhatsApp

WhatsApp founder: Privacy WON'T vanish under Facebook

WhatsApp founder Jan Koum has insisted that his messaging service's privacy policies will stay the same after it's slurped by Facebook, while lamenting "baseless, unfounded and irresponsible" reports about how the social network may use users' data. "I want to make sure you understand how deeply I value the principle of private …
Google Play Store

Google slams Play Store password window shut after sueball hits

Google has sent out an update to its Play Store giving users more control over in-app purchases after a class action suit was filed against the firm in the US a week ago. Like the earlier Apple in-app purchases case, a woman has filed in San Francisco blaming the Google store for luring kiddies into spending loads of money in …
French fries

Takeaway order spewer Just Eat plans to raise £100 MEEELLION in IPO

Online takeaway aggregator Just Eat is hoping to raise a hefty £100m from an initial public offering on the London Stock Exchange. The 13-year-old Danish firm connects hungry folks to local takeaway and delivery services in 13 countries, including the UK, France, Canada and Ireland and claims to have had revenue of £96.8m last …
Tim Peake training in a Soyuz simulator

Brit 'naut Major Tim could carry YOUR name into SPAAAAACCEEE

Astronaut Tim Peake needs a name for his next mission, when he'll become the first official British astronaut to head into orbit aboard the International Space Station. The European Space Agency has launched its usual competition to name an upcoming astronaut's mission, this time for Major Tim's six month stint in the ISS, which …
Nokia 2110

Indian supremes demand $573m in Nokia-Microsoft phactory selloff deal

India's Supreme Court has ordered Nokia to hand over a $572.5m guarantee before it can give the keys of one of its biggest manufacturing facilities to Microsoft. The order stems from a tax dispute over the plant in Chennai and upholds the verdict of the Delhi High Court, Reuters reported. The Finnish firm originally offered to …

eBay boss tells workers to ignore 'noisy' Icahn's PayPal sale campaign

eBay chief John Donahoe has warned employees to ignore Carl Icahn's "noise" about the board and the proposed spin-off of PayPal. Icahn has been engaged in a fierce campaign to convince the online bazaar to spin off the payments firm and has levelled allegations that the board isn't fit to make the decision, claiming conflicts of …

Vine's 'educational nudity': 'So if I write 1+1=2 on my boobs we're grand?'

This was the week when the internet World Wide Web turned 25 and websites were stuffed with listicles and infographics telling us all about it. But said sites also unfortunately found it difficult to differentiate between the Web and the internet. (For clarity, the internet is the one that's stored in a black box, see …
CarPlay

YOINK! Toyota reveals – then DENIES – Apple CarPlay by 2015

Toyota had a bit of a snafu on its official UK blog today when it appeared to have leaked the release date for Apple's CarPlay in its vehicles as sometime in 2015 in a post that was quickly removed. In the first version of the post, Toyota was talking up the new "iOS in your car", saying the tech would be able to sync with …
The $20 diamond that yielded the ringwoodite sample

SATANIC 'HELL DIAMOND' tells of sunless subterranean sea

For years scientists have theorised about the amount of water locked in the Earth's infernally hot depths, frustrated at not being able to get at a sample. Now geologists claim to be closer to an answer – thanks to a single ugly diamond found in Brazil. The $20 diamond that yielded the ringwoodite sample The brownish gem – …
Candy Crush Saga

Candy Crush King plans IPO valuing it at $7.6 BEEELLION

European mobile gaming firm King has updated its plans for an initial public offering in the US, telling the Securities and Exchange Commission that it wants to sell its shares for between $21 and $24 each, valuing itself at around $7.6bn. The Candy Crush Saga-maker is hoping to sell 22.2 million stocks and raise around $533m in …
Student with textbooks

Slash tuition fees for STEM students, biz boss body begs UK.gov

The Confederation of British Industry (CBI) is demanding that the government take action on the skills shortage in tech and engineering, proposing lower tuition fees for courses and new training for existing workers. The CBI said that a survey it conducted with survey haus Pearson last year showed that 42 per cent of companies …
Microsoft campus

Shift up, Ballmer: Microsoft expands board, makes room for activist investor

Microsoft has appointed activist investor Mason Morfit to its board after his investment firm ValueAct Capital agitated for a greater say on how the company is run. ValueAct bought a $2bn stake in the software firm last April and immediately started to campaign for change at the company. By August, Microsoft had capitulated, …

eBay takes a small bite out of execs' bonuses

eBay chief exec John Donahoe's take-home pay has shrunk by half compared to last year, partly because the online tat-bazaar's financial performance didn't live up to expectations. Donahoe was paid $13.8m in wages and bonuses for 2013, down 53 per cent from the whopping $29.7m he trousered for the previous year. "The Committee …

Hey IBM – Lenovo here. Sort your server factory strike out, will you?

Chinese PC maker Lenovo has shrugged its shoulders at a strike in a server factory in China, saying that it's up to IBM to sort out the dispute before its server business transfers to Lenovo later this year. Yet Lenovo has said that it will keep the same salaries and benefits in place for Big Blue employees moving across. More …
International Space Station

166 days later: Space Station astronauts return to Earth

Three 'nauts have landed safely and on time in Kazakhstan despite bad weather on the ground, ending their Christmas stint on the International Space Station. Youtube Video One NASA astronaut and two Russian cosmonauts touched down in the wee hours of the morning on the snowy steppes of central Kazakhstan on schedule, despite …
PayPal

eBay rejects Carl Icahn's board nominees as 'inexperienced'

eBay has rejected both of Carl Icahn's nominees for its board, saying they're not qualified for the job – and has urged its investors to do the same. The online marketplace said in a pre-annual general meeting filing that it had looked at the candidates proposed by the activist investor, who's agitating to get the firm to spin …
A nearby star stands out in red in this image from the Second Generation Digitized Sky Survey by WISE

X marks the... They SAID there was a mystery planet there – NASA

Boffins have long hypothesised the existence of a large, but thus far unseen, celestial body in our Solar System, somewhere beyond the orbit of Pluto, but NASA's WISE survey has found no sign of the mysterious "Planet X". A nearby star stands out in red in this image from the Second Generation Digitized Sky Survey by WISE …

Not just for Glasswipes: Google to drop SDK for all Android wearables

Google is preparing to release a new SDK for makers of wearable devices in the hope of running Android into a myriad of accessories. Top exec Sundar Pichai told the South by Southwest conference yesterday that the company is prepping the software development kit for release in the next two weeks, the Wall Street Journal and …

eBay stockholders! There's MORE to COME, thunders Carl Icahn

Activist investor Carl Icahn is continuing his campaign to get eBay to spin off PayPal, writing yet another letter to shareholders that said he hadn't even begun to fight to get his way. "Stockholders, please stay tuned. There is more to come – much more," Icahn threatened in his latest open letter (emphasis his own). The …

Privacy warriors lob sueball at Facebook buyout of WhatsApp

Privacy groups have filed with the US Federal Trade Commission to try to block Facebook's $19bn acquisition of WhatsApp until the social network comes clean on how it's going to use the personal data of the messaging service's 450 million users. Non-profit groups the Electronic Privacy Information Centre and the Centre for …
Happy woman at a computer

Women! You too can be 'cool' and 'fun' if you work in tech!

Hey ladies! Did you know it's cool to work in tech? EU commish Neelie Kroes is here to tell you all about it, after a study claimed that the lack of women in ICT roles was costing the European Union billions of euros. Happy woman at a computer HURRAY! Now that I work in IT, I'm so fun and cool and in the future! (I really must …

Ballmer: 'Microsoft would have a stronger position if I could redo the last TEN YEARS'

This was the week when MtGox finally admitted that it had probably lost all its Bitcoin investors' money, although it refused to give any definitive statements. The one-time top digital currency exchange said on its website: At the start of February 2014, illegal access through the abuse of a bug in the bitcoin system resulted …

PayPal mudslingfest TELEVISED: Icahn and Donahoe go on telly

The fight between activist investor Carl Icahn and eBay over the fate of PayPal has hit the media, after Icahn claimed that he'd "never seen worse corporate governance" at another firm. Speaking to CNBC television, Icahn criticised the firm's governance policy and also said that eBay chief exec John Donahoe shouldn't have …
credit card-sized buddi attached to belt loop of denim jeans

Hey, MoJ, we're not your Buddi: Brit firm abandons 'frustrating' crim-tagging contract

Talks between the UK Ministry of Justice and British firm Buddi for a new system to electronically tag criminals have broken down after Buddi's founder claimed the MoJ wanted a system that was a "figment of their imagination". Sara Murray, who is a member of business secretary Vince Cable's "entrepreneurs' panel", said in a …
Spiral galaxy ESO 137-001

Very fabric of space-time RIPPED apart in latest Hubble pic

Spiral galaxy ESO 137-001 is ramming through the Norma galaxy cluster so hard it's spilling its guts out, leaving bright blue streaks of its own gases behind. Spiral galaxy ESO 137-001 The spiral is zooming in between other galaxies in the Norma cluster, over 200 million light years away, at a speed of nearly 4.5 million …

Hundreds of folks ready to sue Bitcoin exchange MtGox

Over 400 people have expressed an interest in joining a class action lawsuit against Bitcoin exchange MtGox, according to a British-based law firm. Selachii has been gathering up investors stung by the collapse of the exchange and the prospect that it may have lost 750,000 of its customers' Bitcoins and 100,000 of its own, …
Gmail Compose UI upgrade

Anti Gmail data-mining lawsuit hits possible stumbling block

A US judge has thrown a bit of a spanner in the works of a lawsuit brought against Google for allegedly improperly mining data from emails for profit. Judge Lucy Koh said in a hearing yesterday that the suit may be tough to pursue as a class action case, which allows plaintiffs to sue in a group and gives them a shot at a much …
Ebay logo outside of the company's HQ

PayPal row heats up as eBay chair calls Icahn claims 'false and misleading'

eBay chairman Pierre Omidyar has said activist investor Carl Icahn's comments about the firm are "false and misleading" as the row over the fate of PayPal heats up. In one of his notorious open letters to shareholders, Icahn accused eBay's board of having conflicts of interest that had affected its decision not to spin off …
Screenshot from Doctor Who serial "The Face of Evil"

CarelessDotData: 'The state is not going to do dastardly things' with your privates

This was the week when MtGox - Bitcoin exchange extraordinaire - had a major meltdown. The digital currency exchange shut up shop, which its website suggested was because it was about to be acquired, but documents circulating the internet said had something to do with the alleged theft of 750,000 Bitcoins worth millions of …

Outsourcing giant Capita gets share boost from confident outlook

The London stock market was pleased by Capita's 14 per cent rise in annual profits (before tax) today, sending shares up almost six per cent in the first half of the day. Not only had the British outsourcing group pulled in more profits for fiscal 2013, it also said it was feeling pretty chipper about this year, after winning £ …
Tesla Model S

Tesla wants $1.6bn to help fund $5bn TOP SECRET Gigafactory

Tesla Motors has released a smattering of details about its planned battery "Gigafactory", although it was hardly the in-depth announcement people were expecting. Elon Musk's electric carmaker said the massive plant would be getting $4bn to $5bn of investment in the next six years, around $2bn of which Tesla itself is expecting …
Flight Engineer Karen Nyberg assists FE Chris Cassidy and FE Luca Parmitano in spacewalk prep

NASA could have averted near DROWNING TERROR in SPACE

NASA could have prevented the near-drowning of International Space Station 'naut Luca Parmitano last summer, an investigation panel has decided. The European Space Agency astronaut almost drowned when the helmet of his spacesuit started filling with water during a spacewalk in July. Parmitano managed to navigate his way back …
Tesla S rear end

Elon Musk plans GIGAFACTORY to feed his thirsty Tesla motors

Tesla Motors is planning to announce the world's biggest battery plant for the US this week, a plant so big that chief exec Elon Musk is calling it the "Gigafactory". The electric car-maker has had ongoing problems with ramping up production of its Model S and X vehicles because of a lack of steady supply of batteries from its …
Candy Crush Saga

Candy Crush King stops trying to trademark CANDY in the US

Games developer King has abandoned its attempt to get the word CANDY trademarked in the US, to go with its matching European trademark. The company said that after being awarded the trademark for CANDY CRUSHER, it no longer felt the need to pursue a trademark on the word CANDY. “King has withdrawn its trademark application for …
Farmville on the iPhone

Zynga dodges IPO lawsuit thanks to lack of 'basic factual details'

Zynga has seen off a lawsuit that accused the gaming firm of misleading investors about its financial and business prospects ahead of its initial public offering back in 2011. Shareholders who launched the suit had alleged that Zynga had "engaged in a deliberate scheme to mislead investors by portraying the online gaming company …

Microsoft shunts top exec Julie Larson-Green sideways to make way for Stephen Elop

Top Windows exec Julie Larson-Green is moving sideways through Microsoft into a new job in the search and services business. Larson-Green had been running devices at Redmond, a job which is due to be handed over to former Nokia chief exec Stephen Elop once Microsoft has completed its acquisition of the Finnish firm's mobile- …
Pile of mobiles

EU delays vote on roaming, open internet after TRANSLATION fail

The European Parliament's industry committee has postponed a vote on putting an end to roaming charges across the EU by 2015 and ensuring that telcos don't get to charge companies like Google to pay for faster interwebs. The Industry, Research and Energy committee (ITRE) was due to vote on a legislative report on roaming charges …
Sina Weibo logo

Sina rumoured to be prepping Weibo for $500m US-based IPO

Chinese web giant Sina has picked two of the big banks to prep its Twitter-alike microblogging site Weibo for an IPO in the US. Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse have been taken on to help the site manage a debut onto the market in New York, sources told the Financial Times and Reuters. Weibo, which is hugely popular in China, is …
Assange

Ghostwriter: Assange™ is NARCISSISTIC and UNTRUTHFUL

The ghost writer hired to help Julian Assange with an autobiography deal that ultimately fell apart has described the WikiLeaker as "thin-skinned, conspiratorial, untruthful and narcissistic". Andrew O' Hagan, who started working with Assange while he was on bail over the allegations of sexual assault in Sweden three years ago, …

WhatsApp founder: Believe us, internet! 'Twas a DODGY network router WOT DONE IT

WhatsApp founder Jan Koum has said that a network router caused the outage of the messaging service this weekend, just a few days after it was acquired by Facebook. Koum apologised for what he described as the company's "longest and biggest outage in years". "We are sorry about the downtime," he said. "It was caused by a …
management project2

Bolshy investor pushes Juniper Networks into restructuring plan

Juniper Networks has bowed to pressure from hedge fund Elliott Management, accepting demands from the fund, apparently including appointing two directors it proposed. Elliott has been campaigning for change at the company, recommending that it return some of its capital to shareholders and nominating two directors to the board. …
Groupon office screen

Groupon plans MORE losses next quarter: Will lob wads of cash down marketing's maw

That brief period where it looked like voucher bazaar Groupon might actually make some money could be over already. The site has forecast a quarterly loss for its next financial results as it turns to advertising to try to keep its fortunes on track. Groupon said it was going to use a swathe of its money on advertising its …
Netflix House of Cards remake

Amazon fuses LoveFilm, subs service, calls it Prime Instant Video

Amazon has decided to fold its Prime delivery service into its LoveFilm Instant video streaming library to make a single Prime Instant Video subscription for Brits. Subscribers paying £79 a year will now get free one-day delivery on participating items when shopping at the online bazaar and access to Kindle books from Prime, as …
BlackBerry Messenger (BBM)

NHS care.data leaflet shovage: Like a 'notice for Earth's demolition' posted to Alpha Centauri

This was the week when Google advised its tech spec-wearing minions not to be "Glassholes". That's right, the Chocolate Factory has simultaneously caved in to the zinginess of the moniker for those sporting Google Glass and made the term that much less cool... Of course, the Choc Factory's marketing folk were a being a little …
Exoplanets

European Space Agency: PLATO will seek out 'ADVANCED LIFE forms'... 'SLIME'

The European Space Agency is planning to launch its own planet-hunting observatory in 2024, after the mission was chosen for the Cosmic Vision 2015-2025 programme. Exoplanets The Planetary Transits and Oscillations of stars, or PLATO, mission has been chosen to monitor relatively nearby stars, searching for the tiny dips in …

Boffins: You'll see, TWITTERNET! We'll get the TRUTH out of you...

While even emergency services have embraced Twitter as a way of conveying information to people quickly, the premature obituaries and malicious rumours seen on the social network every week show that you cannot trust what others tweet. That's why computer boffins from five European universities have started work on a lie …

Chinese regulators probe Qualcomm over 'unfair pricing' claims

China's antitrust regulator has accused chipmaker Qualcomm of abusing its market dominance and overcharging customers, charges that could see the firm hit with record fines of millions of dollars. The National Development and Reform Commission (NDRC) said that it started an investigation into the company last year after …