Paul Kunert

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Paul Kunert is the editor of Channel Register
No, just stop. Nope. photo by shutterstock

Ads regulator raps PC repair biz for massaging malware infection rates

An online PC repair shop was yesterday given a small ticking off by gummy watchdog the Advertising Standards Agency over claims used in promos that one in three PCs are blighted by malware on a daily basis. The web shop ReimagePlus published the ad on April 21 warning prospective customers: "Don't be part of the statistics. 1 …
Paul Kunert, 17 Aug 2017

The cheek of it! Beach bar owner shoots nude bather in the booty

A bar owner in southern Corsica stands accused of firing a pellet into the booty of a nudist who refused to cover up during a beach bathing session. The Italian holidaymaker was relaxing with a bunch of similarly un-attired pals on the Mediterranean island, one of the 18 administrative regions of France, when all were told by …
Paul Kunert, 15 Aug 2017
Cops with guns, image via Shutterstock

London cops bust fake Cisco hardware chain

City of London cops today confirmed they have confiscated hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of counterfeit Cisco networking gear. Officers from the Intellectual Property Crime Unit (PIPCU) raided a premises in Herne Bay, Kent, on 25 July and discovered more than 1,000 counterfeit items of networking kit. Several …
Paul Kunert, 28 Jul 2017
Disgusted man holds his hand up to obscure his view. Pic via Shutterstock

Nest security camera captures landlord's romp on tenants' bed

In yet another demonstration that truth can be stranger than fiction – or at least as strange – a landlord has 'fessed up to entering his married tenants' flat and having sexual relations on their bed. Carlos Quijada-Lara entered a plea deal last week after admitting a trespassing charge for bedroom antics in the Colorado …
Paul Kunert, 28 Jul 2017

The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

A turf war has broken out among the scribes at Vulture Towers North over the fried delicacies that should and should not be included in the world famous Full English gut buster Breakfast. Based as El Reg is, in deepest hipster central - East London - we've witnessed people starting their day in local coffee shops, consuming …
Paul Kunert, 28 Jul 2017

HPE boss Whitman among candidates for Uber CEO job – report

Hewlett Packard Enterprise CEO Meg Whitman is reportedly high among the names shortlisted to take over as the boss of Uber. Those oh so loquacious sources told Bloomberg a handful of candidates were in the running for the top job at the app-based taxi business, and that Whitman had met with the leadership team on more than one …
Paul Kunert, 26 Jul 2017

Dump X of your crew, DXC Technologies UK told. Hundreds face axe AGAIN

Exclusive Less than four months after DXC Technologies was created and the Frankenfirm is already embarking on a second round of jobs cuts, with hundreds of frontline support techies earmarked for the chop. The company - an unholy alliance between CSC and Hewlett Packard Enterprise Services - is planning to chop $1bn in costs globally …
Paul Kunert, 21 Jul 2017
shocked looking policeman

'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

A man called the cops to report that cash and a bag of Colombian marching powder stashed in his car had been nicked, police arrest documents have revealed. Floridian fuzz said that area man David Blackmon phoned them in the early hours of Sunday to say roughly $50 and “about one-quarter of an ounce of cocaine” had been …
Paul Kunert, 20 Jul 2017

HPE gives execs a jiggle and merges subsidiaries in shrivelling Pointnext

Hewlett Packard Enterprise is rejigging execs and consolidating subsidiaries in its last remaining tech services division Pointnext – a business that has shrunk year-on-year for almost half a decade. In a memo to staff – seen by us – HPE confirmed Herbert Rastbichler as the shiny new Pointnext leader for EMEA from August 1, …
Paul Kunert, 14 Jul 2017
CHILE -FEBRUARY 6: Moais in Rapa Nui National Park on the slopes of Rano Raruku volcano on Easter Island, Chile. Photo by Shutterstock

Adult toy retailer slapped down for 'RES-ERECTI*N' ad over Easter

Adult toys and lingerie retailer Honey Birdette was today placed on the naughty step by the UK's egg-xacting watchdog the Advertising Standards Authority for mixing sex and religion in a promotion over Easter. The seller of sex toys including Milano Pleasure Beads and vibrators named Dolly, Dita, Dallas and Bullet Bliss, sent …
Paul Kunert, 12 Jul 2017
business meeting, debate over data. Photo by shutterstock

HPE PointNext globo boss grilled by El Reg

Interview Hewlett Packard Enterprise has almost concluded its corporate cleansing with the Enterprise Services division spun off to form DXC Technologies and the Software unit about to become part of company history. But the remaining pieces aren’t all about hardware, or so says Anna Pinczuk, global senior veep and GM of HPE PointNext …
Paul Kunert, 11 Jul 2017

DIY music veteran SoundCloud flounders, lays off 40% of staff

Online audio distribution platform SoundCloud is laying off two in five of its staff and closing several offices to cut its cloth in a crowded market dominated by music streaming giants. The business, founded in Berlin in 2008 by Swedish sound designer Alexander Ljung and compatriot artist Eric Wahlfross, which allows …
Paul Kunert, 07 Jul 2017

Analyst: DRAM crisis looms after screwup at Micron fab

Micron Technology has trashed analysts' claims that a malfunction forced the closure of one of its two fabs. According to market watcher TrendForce, Micron suspended the production line at one of its two plants from the start of this month – a move that could impact PCs, servers and mobile memory chips. “The malfunctioning of …
Paul Kunert, 05 Jul 2017
Power outage

Nationwide banking suffers its own Black Wednesday

Nationwide Building Society is having a wobbly web Wednesday with customers getting only intermittent access to online and app-based services. Reports that not all was well first surfaced on Twitter – echo chamber for the angry – some 19 hours ago, but a flurry of complaints about the Brit building society's app showed up 12 …
Paul Kunert, 05 Jul 2017
Rotten apple

Imagination: Apple relations still rotten but, hey, losses have shrunk

Brit chip designer Imagination Technologies has returned to operating profit, in part aided by 350 poor souls – about a fifth of its workforce – that were tossed onto the employment bonfire amid wider cost cutting. The firm had found itself in the middle of a perfect storm what with stalling smartphone and tablet sales, and …
Paul Kunert, 04 Jul 2017

It's the iPhone's 10th b'day or, as El Reg calls it, 'BILL RAY DAY'

A decade ago to the day, the Jesus Mobe went on sale in the US: bereft of 3G connectivity, the iPhone had a relatively crappy two megapixel camera and 4GB of storage, not to mention a hefty price of $499. It was destined to be a failure. Apple was going to combine the functionality of the iPod with a mobile phone, Bill Ray, El …
Paul Kunert, 29 Jun 2017

Snoop Dogg swerves Glasto, plays Pure Storage gig #keepitreal

The great and good of the music industry - and Jeremy Corbyn - descended on UK’s lively Glastonbury music festival this weekend, while in another part of the world a hip hop old-timer went on stage to die. Snoop Dogg, a gangsta rapper who has sold 35 million albums worldwide (so isn’t short of a bob or two), fizzled his …
Paul Kunert, 26 Jun 2017
We'll get our coats.

Capita flogs Asset Services division for £888m

Everyone’s favourite people pimp Capita has permanently outsourced its Asset Services businesses to Link Administration for £888m – a fleeting injection of cash in the bank that will be used to reduce debts. The sale, confirmed to the London Stock Exchange late on Friday, is one of the levers Capita’s hard-pressed board is …
Paul Kunert, 24 Jun 2017
woman answers phone in the middle of the night. photo by SHutterstock

ICO fines 'Wolf of Wall Street' electrical survey biz for nuisance calls

Electrical survey provider MyHome Installations Ltd, which entered the hall of shame on the Beeb's Rogue Traders for pressure selling to pensioners, is facing a £50,000 fine for nuisance calls. The UK Information Commissioner's Office probed 169 complaints from members of the public whose phone numbers were listed on the …
Paul Kunert, 23 Jun 2017
Defeated-looking young man puts his head against table in front of laptop and pile of papers in conference room. Pic via Shutterstock

Fasthosts' week to forget: 4-day virtual server summer bummer

Fasthosts hasn’t exactly draped itself in glory during this week of the summer solstice, what with the four day blackout of its virtual private server service and a partial eclipse of webmail. The lights of the VPS went off on Monday evening as “system issues” with the storage platform on two VS clusters showed up and …
Paul Kunert, 23 Jun 2017

Genoans flout terror ban with bumper basil hand baggage policy

Heightened security at airports clearly doesn't apply to all liquids, at least not in Italy. An airport in Genoa is now allowing flyers to travel with jars of the local speciality sauce – pesto. Cristoforo Colombo Airport said that receptacles of the green stuff made with basil, cheese, pine nuts and olive oil – even jars over …
Paul Kunert, 22 Jun 2017
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Ailing Brit chip designer Imagination Technologies up for sale

Trouble struck British chip designer Imagination Technologies has confirmed it is for sale amid an ongoing dispute with Apple that has crushed its valuation on the London Stock Exchange. The firm’s share price went into freefall on 3 April after it revealed that Apple, which accounts for circa half of its sales, was to stop …
Paul Kunert, 22 Jun 2017
closed

Expansys shutters online mobile gadget souk to consumers

Mobile gadget souk Expansys shuttered its digital doors to consumers – a natural conclusion for a business that lost direction under the ownership of lanky Dragons' Den badass Peter Jones in a commoditised space. "Expansys is now focused on its partner and B2B business hence the website is closed to consumers. If you are a …
Paul Kunert, 22 Jun 2017

HPE teases HPC punters with scalable gear

The first fruit of Hewlett Packard Enterprise’s buy of SGI is set to hit the streets in July with the release of a high performance system - the HPE SGI 8600. The system is a liquid cooled petascale box assembled on legacy SGI ICE AXA architecture, and is aimed squarely at punters involved with beefy scientific and engineering …
Paul Kunert, 21 Jun 2017
Exhausted looking business man on phone in from of laptop. Photo by Shutterstock

Tesco Online IT meltdown: Fails to deliver THOUSANDS of grocery orders

An unspecified UK-wide technical glitch related to the food picking and packaging process left thousands of Tesco online grocery punters without their deliveries today, the retailer has told us. “We’re currently experiencing an IT issue which is affecting some Grocery Home Shopping orders,” a spokesman at the UK’s largest …
Paul Kunert, 20 Jun 2017

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