Paul Kunert

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Paul Kunert is the editor of Channel Register

Bloody Dell! Is EMC going to drop its logo? Answers on a postcard to Brentford

Pics Corrective brand surgery seems to be taking place at EMC’s London HQ already – it may be that Michael Dell is so keen to get his hands on the storage giant that he can’t wait for the ink to dry on the deal. Following a tip-off about the changes taking place, El Reg in the UK braved the mean streets of Richmond and Kew to reach …
Paul Kunert, 26 Aug 2016

Corporates ARE sniffing around Windows 10, says Computacenter

Bulky corporate enterprise punters are starting to fall for the, ahem, charms of Windows 10, Computacenter's chief executive claimed today as he flashed his firm’s calendar first half-year trading figures. Mike Norris, boss of the London-listed services-based reseller, said the pending contract sign-off for managed services …
Paul Kunert, 26 Aug 2016

NHS injects tender for PC and peripherals kit with £500m

The UK's NHS has a £500m budget to burn on PCs, printers and monitors in the latest mega framework tender to be dangled in front of ravenous tech suppliers. A ten lot agreement including desktops, lappies, tabs, peripherals, and warranties has been issued by the NHS Shared Business Services - the joint venture between DfH and …
Paul Kunert, 25 Aug 2016

Tech Data swings and misses Wall Street moneymen's target

Tech Data's latest quarterly financials show a distributor wrestling with “weaker than expected” IT spending and trying to dip into “pockets of demand” across Europe and the Americas. The world’s second largest tech wholesaler filed turnover of $6.4bn for Q2 of fiscal year 2017 ended 31 July. This was down three per cent as …
Paul Kunert, 25 Aug 2016
Wedding ring

What wedding cake would an engineer make? A LEGO one

Romance isn’t dead. Just ask a Reg-reading engineer who made his own wedding cake... from Lego. Dan M approached his nuptials with sweetheart Rach in the way you’d expect any hard-nosed kick-ass uber-genius to. “When I proposed to my (now wife) in January she started to plan everything in detail, asking for my opinion about …
Paul Kunert, 25 Aug 2016
walking_fingers

Movers and shakers: Execs take a hike from Lenovo and HPE

A couple of industry greybeards at Lenovo and Hewlett Packard Enterprise have quietly packed their bags for a permanent vacation while another vendor old timer has moved to another channel biz. Steve Kendall-Smith, executive director at Lenovo has split after half a decade at the company - he had run the large enterprise and …
Paul Kunert, 25 Aug 2016
Fish hook in a clear light blue tropical ocean. Photo by Shutterstock

Angler hooks German's todger at nudist lake

A plucky German nudist out for a swim at a local lake was left in agony after an angler hooked his worm. Herbert Fendt - an alias the embarrassed man adopted to spare his family's blushes - was taking a dip in the Kaisersee, near Augsburg in south-eastern Germany, when the tackle-on-tackle action occurred. Initially the man …
Paul Kunert, 24 Aug 2016
Downtime, outage

Blighty's 24-hr Universal Credit outage caused by upgrade glitch

Gremlins that showed up during a planned upgrade to the UK Department of Work and Pensions’ systems brought down online services for more than 24 hours, sources have told The Register. Techies at the services-based reseller SCC, which has a hosting contract with the DWP, began the work yesterday but some unspecified …
Paul Kunert, 12 Aug 2016
Monty Python sketch: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition

Nobody expects... a surprise haemorrhoid operation

Decades of authoritarian one party rule have perhaps reduced one man's ability to question authority as a Chinese bloke awaiting the birth of his child was erroneously whisked in for a haemorrhoidectomy. Doctors at Shenyang Hunnan Xinqu Hospital mistook Mr Wang for another chap with a bad case of the pink grapes and whisked …
Paul Kunert, 11 Aug 2016
Tape over mouth, image via Shutterstock

Rackspace CEO: Yes, Brexit has hit us, yes we sold our Cloud Sites biz

Rackspace execs confirmed the sale of its Cloud Sites hosting sub to Liquid Web but ignored the white elephant in the room that Apollo Global is reportedly in talks to slurp the entire organisation. The private equity house might well end up taking Rackspace private again in a deal valued at up to $4bn, buying the company time …
Paul Kunert, 09 Aug 2016
British sterling in flames

Outsourcery burned through more than £20 MEEEELLION in cash before it crashed

Defunct cloud infrastructure and apps provider Outsourcery Plc attracted interest from 12 bidders before it was offloaded to GCI Telecom for £4m, in a pre-pack administration handled by EY. The Statement of Affairs filed at Companies House revealed the final weeks of the failed Manchester-based, AIM-listed corporation that …
Paul Kunert, 02 Aug 2016
trolley_shopping_648

Liberata in £43m buyout by Japanese firm OUTSOURCING Inc

OUTSOURCING Inc (OSI) – a Japanese player that does what it says on the tin – has acquired UK public sector BPO specialist Liberata for £43m. The buyer is has spread its tentacles via more than 70 subsidiaries into outsourcing across multiple industries including engineering, manufacturing, administrative and recruiting. …
Paul Kunert, 02 Aug 2016

Microsoft grabs employment guns, aims at British sales units

Microsoft is expected to release more than 100 employees across the UK organisation from the shackles of employment, multiple sources have told The Register. Hapless staff were recently flown to Orlando for the FY’17 global sales kick off MGX – Microsoft’s Global Exchange – where they heard about priorities for the year ahead …
Paul Kunert, 01 Aug 2016
A view from Babbage's eye-mounted Picam

Pokémon Go tragedy strikes

Twitter was awash with the tears of Pokémon Go hunters today after an update appeared to reset their game and erased three weeks of hard work. Users jumped onto the social media platform to reveal the tragic news with one, Nikki Peele, telling her followers, “I lost my Pokemon and all the money I put into the game… trying to …
Paul Kunert, 01 Aug 2016

Microsoft axes 2,850 more Windows Phone, sales staff – a week after Justin Timberlake sang on stage for them

Vid Microsoft is laying off a further 2,850 smartphone and sales staffers on top of the 1,850 workers it axed in May. The job cuts were revealed in paperwork filed on Thursday with US financial watchdog the SEC. The doomed staff will leave the business by the end of next June. They all work in Microsoft's sales teams and its …

Cats, dogs starve as web-connected chow chute PetNet plays dead

Humans have been forced to temporarily interact with their dogs or cats – perhaps both – after PetNet’s internet-controlled smart feeder system suffered a blackout. For $149, the company provides a web-enabled dog/cat feeder that is pre-programmed to dispense food stuffs at certain time and portion sizes. But PetNet warned …
Paul Kunert, 27 Jul 2016

Church organist nabbed for playing glory hole in excelsis

A church organist is due before the beak next month after he allegedly thrust his pink pipe through a glory hole in excelsis and “waited” for someone to make sweet music. 74-year-old Jerry Michael Childress is alleged to have entered the bog in a Brooksville, Florida-based park and, er, pulled out all the stops, a report by …
Paul Kunert, 27 Jul 2016
Man drinks Beer. Photo by shutterstock

Calling all hipster... *hic* hip-hip-storians! Craft beer job spotted

Had enough of tech? Sporting a big or any kind of unlikely looking beard or interestingly dyed hair? El Reg has found the perfect new job where you’ll get paid handsomely to espouse the wonders of trendy beer. The Smithsonian Food History project at the National Museum of American History is looking for a professional hipster …
Paul Kunert, 26 Jul 2016
Two fingers, photo via Shutterstock

EMC insiders say Salesforce has ordered $75m of its kit

EMC landed a punch on behalf of tech's old guard after it won a $75m deal to furnish Salesforce with shiny new on-premises storage hardware, sources have claimed. Salesforce last month took infrastructure services away from its cloud server staff and put them into the hands of AWS in a contract valued at $400m. But company …
Paul Kunert, 26 Jul 2016
Files in manager's desk drawers: manila folder marked "Redundancies". Image via shutterstock

Third time unlucky? HPE in redundancy talks with UK services staff

Hewlett Packard Enterprise has told UK and Ireland Enterprise Services (ES) staff they face the axe once again – in a third round of redundancies in less than a year. The company, which is offloading the division to CSC in the next financial year, is asking for volunteers this time unlike the previous compulsory job cuts. In …
Paul Kunert, 22 Jul 2016

Bosses at UK infosec biz Quadsys confess to hacking rival reseller

Five men working at UK-based IT security reseller Quadsys confessed today to hacking into a rival's database. Owner Paul Streeter, managing director Paul Cox, director Alistair Barnard, account manager Steve Davies and security consultant Jon Townsend appeared before the beak at Oxford Crown Court. All five pleaded guilty to …
Paul Kunert, 21 Jul 2016
Newsroom

Semiconductor $s to fall

Worldwide semiconductor spending is forecast to shrink by 0.7 per cent to $64.3bn, according to the data druids at Gartner. Economic instability, inventory excess, and crappy demand for PCs, tablets and mobile phones over the past three years have taken a toll on growth prospects. ® Newsroom
Paul Kunert, 21 Jul 2016
mergers and acquisitions

EMC staffers: We are crashing into Dell within weeks

Staffers at EMC and its subsidiaries are to get Dell email addresses from the start of next month as the proposed mega buy edges closer, insiders have told The Register. EMC shareholders last night approved the $62.4bn bid – somewhat lower than the original $67bn offer due to a slide in VMware’s share price – and Chinese anti- …
Paul Kunert, 20 Jul 2016
Pennies in a jar. Photo via Shutterstock

Three pence in a pound awaits Steljes' trade creditors

Unsecured creditors of audio visual distributor Steljes that are owed £6.72m by the fallen specialist will likely receive just three pence in the pound, according to the company’s administrator. Steljes collapsed in late May after cash flow dried up and directors were forced to call on AlixPartners, which decided the only …
Paul Kunert, 19 Jul 2016
Upset man in suit and drinking liquor. Photo by Shutterstock

One in five consumers upgraded to Win10 for free instead of buying a PC

Microsoft’s free upgrade of Windows 10 hit PC makers where it hurt though the extent of this was apparently a surprise to the software giant, data druids at Gartner have claimed. According to a survey by the holders of the Magic Quadrant, one in five consumers that upgraded to the free version of the OS decided they didn’t …
Paul Kunert, 15 Jul 2016