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Reg hack caught accepting Intel bribe

Reg staffers were shocked to the core last night at Intel's Christmas party in London's throbbing West End when a senior Intel manager was spotted handing a significant cash sum to Hardware Editor Andrew Thomas. Readers had long suspected that Thomas, 49, had been in the pay of Chipzilla following the publication of stories …
Dr Spinola, 30 Nov 2000
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Dr Spinola's sad babe advice line

Now how many times do I have to tell you - let's be careful out there? Ladies, it's terribly tempting to accept the offer of an evening out with your favourite local psycho, but you should bear in mind Dr Spinola's top ten tips. 1. If your hunky new boyfriend invites you to climb into an empty oil drum, just say 'no'. 2. …
Dr Spinola, 28 Nov 2000
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PR bunny bites back

Every UK PR bunny's favourite read, PR Week, (well, it does have lots of job ads), praises one Lisa Allen for standing up to rude and surly hacks. [Who they? - Ed] Little Lisa was deeply upset by being given the cold shoulder by Daily Mail technology writer Paul Kendall and fired off an email snottogram: "Thank you for taking …
Dr Spinola, 24 Nov 2000
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The Reg – a reader's guide

Based on the number of emails we receive from irate readers (many of them written in green crayon - not an easy thing to do in Outlook Express), it would appear many people consider The Reg to be variously opinionated, biased, racist, too tough, too weak, political, apolitical, too technical, not technical enough, pro AMD, anti …
Dr Spinola, 21 Nov 2000
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What do you give the man who has everything?

What better present for Christmas than a personalised domain name? Well, a case of decent malt whisky, a box of Cuban cigars or a Jaguar XKR do spring to mind. But if your loved one would be happier with their very own domain name then dotcomsforchristmas is the place to go. A snip at £25 including a free three-page Web site [ …
Dr Spinola, 08 Nov 2000
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Reading from Warwick moves to Szechwan

Szechwan Publishing is proud to announce that Kevin Reading, Professor of Cybernetics and Self-Publicity at Warwick University, has joined the Register's elite team of writers as resident futurologist. Prof Reading needs no introduction to those who know him. For the benefit of those who have yet to experience the clarity, …
Dr Spinola, 30 Oct 2000
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Dr Spinola's TV preview

Saturday Carly's Angels Check out the new series of action adventures as the feisty female scraps products, shrinks cubicle sizes and goes on a shopping spree for executive jets. Watch out for the hilarious cameo appearance by a lone Windows 2000 driver writer. Sunday Tom's Midnight Hardware Page A new dramatisation of the …
Dr Spinola, 26 Oct 2000
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One dimensional sound waves explained

The one and only Doctor Spin My colleagues' somewhat ropey grasp of physics resulted in a deluge of emails pointing out the error of our ways. But when we apologised for the error, a second torrent of mails arrived, this time from readers as bemused by all this stuff as we are, asking us to publish an explanation for one- …
Dr Spinola, 12 Sep 2000
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Register denies ‘Private Eye’ slur

Ashen-faced staff at leading Internet newswire The Register were today trying to come to terms with scurrilous accusations in The Guardian that they were little better than an online version of tawdry scandal mag, Private Eye. In an in-depth profile in Monday's edition, a Guardian writer described The Register as "the web's …
Dr Spinola, 05 Sep 2000
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Dr Spinola's three laws of PR

The one and only Doctor Spinola While science fiction author Isaac Asimov is credited with coming up with the three laws of robotics, designed to govern the behaviour of artificial lifeforms, the fact is that he blatantly stole the concept from my seminal paper The three laws of PR Puffery, published back in the 1950s. Those …
Dr Spinola, 31 Aug 2000
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Hardware gurus in ego recall shock

Pressure was mounting from environmental groups today for a total recall of the egos of several leading hardware sites following an unseemly display of smugness. "Normally hardware geeks are shy retiring people, posing little threat to the environment," said a Green Party spokesman. "But in recent days, Intel's decision to pull …
Dr Spinola, 31 Aug 2000
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Register launches SpinolaVista™ unmetered 25/7 Internet access

The Register is coming to the rescue of thousands of disillusioned AltaVista subscribers by offering its very own unbeatable package (subject to terms and conditions). The SpinolaVista™ service will go live at the end of September (subject to availability). The SpinolaVista™ promise For just £60 a year, we pledge (subject to …
Dr Spinola, 23 Aug 2000
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Crap products hall of fame

There have been many notable failures in history - English cooking, French modesty, German humour and the Canadian home for baby seals. But the IT industry has had more than its fair share of clunkers. Take for example the AMD wristwatch featuring PowerNow!™. It certainly had impressive battery life, but slowing down when you …
Dr Spinola, 17 Aug 2000
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Dr Spinola interviews Queen Mum

The one and only Doctor Spinola Dr Spinola Ma'am, may I start by thanking you for this rare opportunity to talk with someone who has played such a key role in the computer industry over the last 100 years. HRH My pleasure, dear boy. Is that a bottle of Gordon's on the table behind you? Dr Spinola What was your introduction to …
Dr Spinola, 04 Aug 2000
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Ask Doctor Spinola…

The one and only Doctor Spin Dear Dr Spinola, I have recently got hold of a copy of Lernout and Hauspie's excellent translation software and wonder if you could demonstrate to your readers just how good it is, compared to the famous AltaVista Babblefish? Perhaps you could reproduce this question, for example, in French, and …
Dr Spinola, 06 Jul 2000
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Ye cannae change the laws of physics, Jim

The world of marketing was in a spin today as scientists disproved the first law of PR - that a cause, or even a press release, must come before an effect. For in discovering a way to make light travel 300 times faster, they have effectively invented a time machine. Boffins in Princeton, US, transmitted a pulse of light towards …
Dr Spinola, 30 Jun 2000
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Doctor Spinola's PC Clinic

Dear Dr Spinola, I am a small computer user and I'm very concerned at the breakup of Microsoft. What do you advise? Dr Spinola replies: You shouldn't be overly concerned. Many users are shorter than average and my usual advice is to sit on a cushion so you can reach the desk in comfort. Dear Dr Spinola, I too am a small …
Dr Spinola, 30 Jun 2000
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How much should I charge Intel?

Every fortnight or so, Dr Spinola gives you sound advice about problems you have with your PC. This time round, he covers technical support, infra-red technology, blackmail, problems associated with Microsoft Fright Stimulator, and the amount of "cash" you need on a "chip". Q Dear Doc, I recently found myself in a Scandinavian …
Dr Spinola, 23 Jun 2000
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Dr Spinola's PR masterclass

Lesson One – the Press Release Writing a press release is very nearly the worst job in the world [Yeah, and reading the bloody things is the worst – Ed]. But if you follow Dr Spinola's simple rules, you just can't go wrong. Words and phrases to avoid Under no circumstances ever use any of the following expressions: Leverage …
Dr Spinola, 24 May 2000
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So you want to be a support professional?

Technical support is possibly the simplest area of the IT industry. Some organisations would appear to have got hold of the wrong end of the stick and introduced a call centre located in Bosnia, Scotland or Northern Ireland staffed with willing, knowledgeable people who unfortunately cannot speak a word of English. Others seem …
Dr Spinola, 15 May 2000
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AMD practises safe computing

Chimpzilla's new - ahem - entry level chip, Duron, would appear to share advanced technology with condom giant Durex, if the contraceptive company's website here is to be believed. The site states: "New technology has considerably improved the condom and enabled the production of far more sophisticated versions than our …
Dr Spinola, 04 May 2000
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Which 1GHz PC should I buy?

Having trouble with your brand new machine or with the lovely application software that's cost you an arm and a leg? Our very own PC paramedic, Dr Spinola will guide you through the hardware morass. Q Which 1GHz PC should I buy? A Before even contemplating buying a machine which uses either the AMD or the Intel 1GHz …
Dr Spinola, 14 Mar 2000