The Register Columnists

Cash'n'Carrion

Contact Mail Follow RSS feed
The Register breaking news

Get a PALight Workman for just £9

Cash'n'Carrion The PALight Workman If you're looking for budget illumination but don't want to compromise on quality, then may we recommend the PALight Workman - a snip at just £7.65 (£8.99 inc VAT). This compact rubber-cased LED torch offers two modes - one to two years' "always on" glow for easy location, and 40 hours of brilliant white …
Cash'n'Carrion, 22 Sep 2004
The Register breaking news

Triumphant return of the big Reg logo t-shirt

Cash'n'Carrion It's been a while, but we have finally pulled out our fingers and produced an all-new, all-singing, all-dancing big Reg logo t-shirt. The improved model features a large-scale vulture logo in red and white printed on the usual 100 per cent cotton premium t-shirt. Naturally, it also sports the Reg url on the left sleeve, and is …
Cash'n'Carrion, 16 Sep 2004
The Register breaking news

Amazing Inova X-5 at 25% off

Those readers who are interested top quality illumination at bargain prices should proceed immediately to our Cash'n'Carrion torch section where we are offering a limited number of the awesome Inova X5 blue LED flashlights in a titanium finish at an unrepeatable 25 per cent off. Yup, we've got less than fifty of these beauties …
Cash'n'Carrion, 02 Sep 2004
The Register breaking news

Introducing the mighty Inova XO übertorch

The brilliant Inova XO Winter is a-coming in and that means there's no better time to kit yourself out with some top-of-the-range portable illumination. Cue the Inova XO, a compact instant sun generator which, for just £41.69 (£48.99 inc VAT) boasts the following spec: Light performance TIROS (Total Internal Reflective …
Cash'n'Carrion, 27 Aug 2004
The Register breaking news

Get your Blunkett-bashing NO2ID shirt here

Cash'n'Carrion We're delighted to announce that the NO2ID t-shirt is back in stock as of right now. Available now at Cash'n'Carrion This top piece of campaigning apparel is the work of www.NO2ID.net, the group committed to seeing the back of UK home secretary David Blunkett's voluntary/compulsory ID card scheme. The shirt is available in …
Cash'n'Carrion, 11 Aug 2004
The Register breaking news

Controversial TechnoDepot shirt back on the shelves

Cash'n'Carrion We're absolutely delighted to announce that pretty well the full range of TechnoDepot shirts has been replenished and the Cash'n'Carrion warehouse is filled to bursting with top-quality apparel. The TechnoDepot collection encompasses various snappy designs, including Bug? It’s an undocumented feature, Mac OSX. I’ve upped my …
Cash'n'Carrion, 06 Aug 2004
The Register breaking news

Show me the way to go 127.0.0.1

Cash'n'Carrion Those wags at TechnoDepot have been at it again and have come up with a new t-shirt bearing the witty Show me the way to go 127.0.0.1 It's where the heart is As the blurb says: "There's no place like it! It’s wherever I lay my hat." If you're none the wiser, then it's time to stop reading and get back to work. If, however, …
Cash'n'Carrion, 08 Jul 2004
The Register breaking news

Vulture fan spotted in Aberystwyth

Cash'n'Carrion We're obliged to reader Mark Nash who as just sent us the following concrete evidence that El Reg apparel is the must-have kit for the Welsh Summer season. The picture was captured in Aberystwyth while said correspondent was out and about during a day's training in that fine seaside town: Do you know this woman? And we say …
Cash'n'Carrion, 02 Jul 2004
The Register breaking news

We have the knife for the man who has everything

Cash'n'Carrion If you're the kind of person who has climbed to the very pinnacle of the achievement tree and has the trophies to prove it - Bentley, beach house in Bermuda, motor cruiser on a Roman Abramovich scale - then you will definitely need to get your hands on the latest Victorinox knife from Cash'n'Carrion. The ultimate executive …
Cash'n'Carrion, 24 Jun 2004
The Register breaking news

Strategy Boutique relights apparel joss-stick

Cash'n'Carrion A breathless Cash'n'Carrion operative armed with laser pointer and Powerpoint presentation has just emerged from the joss-stick fuelled haze at our Merseyside warehousing facility to declare that the paradigm-busting Strategy Boutique t-shirt is back in stock in all sizes from medium to XXL: The Strategy Boutique: Let the …
Cash'n'Carrion, 18 Jun 2004
The Register breaking news

BOFH: The Complete Package

Cash'n'Carrion Click here for the full BOFH range Our lovely range of BOFH merchandising is now pretty well stocked with everthing the covert sysadmins needs, from t-shirts to mugs to BOFH rubber accessories... We have, however, decided to make these goodies even more tempting by offering the whole kit and caboodle as a BOFH Complete Package …
Cash'n'Carrion, 16 Jun 2004
The Register breaking news

Rockall Times fights anti-smoking jihad

Cash'n'Carrion Those cheeky chappies down at UK satire website The Rockall Times have decided to reprint their campaigning smoking t-shirts following Tony Blair's announcement that he intends to ban smoking in all London's public areas, pubs and clubs. A spokesman for the website - which has just released an official policy permitting smoking …
Cash'n'Carrion, 08 Jun 2004
The Register breaking news

Are you equipped to descale a turbot?

Cash'n'Carrion It's unlikely that you'll ever be called upon to degut and scale a turbot in the server room, but it's always better to be prepared. And what if you were called upon to signal for an emergency airlift from your PC? Do you have a signal mirror and international distress signal guide? Exactly. The Victorinox Survival Kit To …
Cash'n'Carrion, 04 Jun 2004
The Register breaking news

I Know You Surf for Porn

Cash'n'Carrion The ITMugs Surf for Porn mug We thought that the outsouced IT staff who last week found porn on the PC of Bank of Ireland supremo Michael Soden might like to have a whip-round and get him a nice leaving present. Accordingly, we have expanded the magnificent ITMugs range to include an "I Know You Surf for Porn" variant on the …
Cash'n'Carrion, 03 Jun 2004
The Register breaking news

Calling time on the £1 USB memory watch

Cash'n'Carrion A couple of months back we said that we were down to the last few bundles on our MeMIX USB2.0 Memory Watch buy-one-get-one-almost-free offer. And so we were, until disappointed customers unleashed a tsunami of begging emails asking, nay begging, for another chance to secure a bargain. Accordingly, we have managed to get hold of …
Cash'n'Carrion, 02 Jun 2004
The Register breaking news

My job went to India...

Cash'n'Carrion That India mug artwork in full Things are bad. Just one month ago you were dispensing invaluable advice on car insurance from a callcentre in Basingstoke; now you're reading the "Situations Vacant" section of the local paper while a college-educated resident of Bangalore does your old job for a tenner a month. Still, look on …
Cash'n'Carrion, 26 May 2004
The Register breaking news

Introducing the flamethrowing Swiss Army knife

Cash'n'Carrion Following the runaway success of the Victorinox CyberTool 34 - the knife that does just about everything except go to work for you - we have decided to expand our range of Swiss Army Knives to include the latest innovations in multi-tool technology. That range of Swiss Army knives in full Yup, there's a knife here to meet …
Cash'n'Carrion, 25 May 2004
The Register breaking news

TechnoDepot debuts the d:-) polo shirt

Cash'n'Carrion The TechnoDepot Engineer polo If you're a "a cool techy engineer type dude", but are somewhat lacking in the apparel department, then those cheeky chappies down at TechnoDepot have the perfect solution - the TechnoDepot Engineer Polo shirt. This stealthy black item sports a discreet d:-) logo on the left breast and, if that …
Cash'n'Carrion, 21 May 2004
The Register breaking news

I Know You Have Porn on your PC

Cash'n'Carrion Click here for mug satisfaction Good news this afternoon if you're a bit challenged in the drinking receptacle department - Cash'n'Carrion is announcing the return of ITMugs, suppliers of quality mugs to the IT elite. ITmugs offers the discerning beverage taker a range of witty slogans to compliment the Java and Hobnobs, …
Cash'n'Carrion, 20 May 2004
The Register breaking news

Last call for £1 USB memory watch

Cash'n'Carrion Readers who need a snappy timepiece with flash memory thrown in are advised that we are down to the last wristful on our MeMIX USB2.0 Memory Watch buy-one-get-one-almost-free offer. What's up for grabs is the 256MB model (which normally retails on its own at £80.85, or £94.99 inc VAT), plus the 32MB watch for just £81.69 (£95. …
Cash'n'Carrion, 29 Apr 2004
The Register breaking news

£1 USB memory watch offer extended

Cash'n'Carrion Our promotion yesterday offering a buy-one-get-one-almost-free deal on the lovely MeMIX USB2.0 Memory Watch proved so successful that we have toiled tirelessly to secure new supplies of the 32MB version. Happily, we have triumphed, which means that if you buy the 256MB model (which normally retails on its own at £80.85, or £94. …
Cash'n'Carrion, 27 Apr 2004
The Register breaking news

Pick up a 32MB USB watch for a quid

Cash'n'Carrion Our popular MeMIX USB2.0 Memory Watch has been such a hit with customers that we thought we'd give a few lucky punters who are not already enjoying its wrist-borne 256MB the chance to "buy-one-get-one-free". It's as simple as this: if you buy the 256MB model (which normally retails on its own at £80.85, or £94.99 inc VAT), we' …
Cash'n'Carrion, 26 Apr 2004
The Register breaking news

419ers muscle in on merchandising

Cash'n'Carrion - COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON. That 419 shirt artwork in full Kindly accept our apology for this unsolicited T shirt, the product of sudden deaths, sons in detention, traumatized and frustrated widows in states of utter confusion, ghostly crashes on Sagabma express highway and huge sums of money confidently lodged in various …
Cash'n'Carrion, 07 Apr 2004
The Register breaking news

Window's NT Infernal File System

Cash'n'Carrion O'Really fans will be delighted to learnt that - as of today - we have taken delivery of an all-new offering from the must-have geek range in the form of Window's NT's Infernal File System. That new O'Really shirt in full Yes indeed: with luck you might be able to find that file again. You're a sysadmin; surely it's not …
Cash'n'Carrion, 05 Apr 2004
The Register breaking news

Reg Readers' Gallery back from the dead

Cash'n'Carrion We here at El Reg merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion have decided, amid a fanfare of trumpets no doubt, to ressurect the almost-legendary Readers' Gallery. This monumentous decision is in response to customers' requests to have more "in-the-field" pictures of our apparel and kit, so that would-be buyers can see what the …
Cash'n'Carrion, 18 Mar 2004
The Register breaking news

Return of the Register polo shirt

Cash'n'Carrion We're delighted today to announce the relaunch of the black Register polo shirt, one of our original lines and still as chic now as it was when last seen at the Cash'n'Carrion warehouse. That black Reg polo shirt in full The 100 per cent cotton shirt features out famous Reg logo tastefully embroidered on the left breast. It' …
Cash'n'Carrion, 04 Mar 2004
The Register breaking news

Bargain Basement reopens for business

Cash'n'Carrion Whether you're an impoverished student living on pot noodle and boiled cardboard, a cash-conscious savvy shopper with an eye for a bargain or just plain tight, there's certainly something for you in our reopened Bargain Basement. This candle-lit cellar of low-cost kit - also known locally as Cheap'n'Cheerful - is where …
Cash'n'Carrion, 27 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

Introducing the Iris50 supercompass

Cash'n'Carrion We know how much our readers like their gadgets, so we've expanded the range of kit supplied by the ever-inventive Traser - the company which supplies the world's foremost atomic keyring. The new gear comes in the form of the top-of-the-range Iris50 compass and the Extreme Krill Lamp, big brother of the best-selling battery- …
Cash'n'Carrion, 26 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

TechnoDepot restocks bug and binary

Cash'n'Carrion UK apparel wits TechnoDepot have just delivered fresh stocks of their best-selling Bug and Binary t-shirts. The former offers the timeless Bug? It’s an undocumented feature on an ash grey premium 100 per cent cotton T, while the latter explains There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who …
Cash'n'Carrion, 24 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

Last call for O'Really end-of-line stock

Cash'n'Carrion We're running down stocks of two of our terrific O'Really range, so readers who'd like to get either a "Windows NT User Obliteration" or "BOFH in a Nutshell" model will have to move fast. The BOFH apparel is available in medium, XL and XXL while there are just a few of the User Obliteration shirts left in medium. You can get …
Cash'n'Carrion, 19 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

Inova X-5 in blue, red and green

Cash'n'Carrion If you're looking for some form of illumination to see you safely home through the gloom of a British February evening, or possibly just looking forward to a Summer camping trip while struggling gamefully to work though the drizzle, then now is the time to arm yourself with the right equipment. We at Cash'n'Carrion have just …
Cash'n'Carrion, 18 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

Rockall Times back with a bang and a new shirt

Cash’n’Carrion UK satire site The Rockall Times has, we gather, finally addressed its content management issues and re-entered the Web stage left to a slightly discordant fanfare of trumpets. To celebrate this momentous occassion - and presumably to shamelessly rattle the tin in aid of their new CMS - they have expanded their popular smoking …
Cash'n'Carrion, 13 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

Strategy Boutique redefines the t-shirt paradigm

Cash'n'Carrion If you're thinking of re-energising your company's brand frontage, then we strongly advise that you do not attend any joss-stick scented rebranding power brunch without first donning our official Strategy Boutique t-shirt. While world-weary hacks at El Reg might consider corporate makeovers a futile exercise in profligacy - …
Cash'n'Carrion, 11 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

Rockall Times back with a bang and a new shirt

Cash'n'Carrion UK satire site The Rockall Times has, we gather, finally addressed its content management issues and re-entered the Web stage left to a slightly discordant fanfare of trumpets. To celebrate this momentous occassion - and presumably to shamelessly rattle the tin in aid of their new CMS - they have expanded their popular smoking …
Cash'n'Carrion, 09 Feb 2004
The Register breaking news

O'Really unleashes Word Macro Viruses

Cash'n'Carrion That Word Macro Viruses artwork in full It's been a while, but our associates at O'Really are back with a bang this week with the release of their lovely Writing Word Macro Viruses shirt. Magnificently presented on a 100 per cent black cotton ground, the two-colour artwork is an absolute must for all those who dabble in the …
Cash'n'Carrion, 28 Jan 2004
The Register breaking news

'My job went to India…' t-shirt back in stock

Cash'n'Carrion That India shirt in full We're pleased to announce to all those readers desperate to get their hands on our instant classic My job went to India and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, that said item is now back on the shelves and ready for immediate dispatch. Which is all very timely, given that the outsourcing of callcentre …
Cash'n'Carrion, 27 Jan 2004
The Register breaking news

TechnoDepot unleashes amazing XXXL t-shirt

Cash'n'Carrion You know how it is with buses - you wait ages for one and then sixteen come at once. Well, it works exactly the same with t-shirts. Except, of course, you can't get fifty-three people in a t-shirt. Until now. Yes indeed, Reg apparel associate TechnoDepot has just unleashed it's best-selling "Mac OSX. I’ve upped my standards. Up …
Cash'n'Carrion, 15 Jan 2004
The Register breaking news

Reg kit slashed in our blockbusting January sale

Cash'n'Carrion We always vowed we'd never follow the retailing tradition of having a New Year sale to clear the warehouse shelves for new and exciting products. Not for us the buy-now-pay-2010 January orgy of discounting, with eager punters queuing for days in eager anticipation of that must-have Vulture Central accessory. Then we changed our …
Cash'n'Carrion, 08 Jan 2004
The Register breaking news

Beat the Winter blues with hot shirts from NTK

Cash'n'Carrion Taking a well-earned break from their polyamorous exploits, the boys at NTK have applied their not inconsiderable talents to a couple of new t-shirts. Those NTK shirts in full Naturally, you can have either shirt in any colour you like as long as it's black, and NTK's own blurb outlines the bangs you get for your bucks: NTK …
Cash'n'Carrion, 16 Dec 2003
The Register breaking news

Introducing the 256MB USB2.0 Memory Watch

Cash'n'Carrion Following on from the runaway success of the MeMIX 128Mb memory watch, we're pleased to announce that this top-notch piece of kit is now available in a hefty 256MB version. The stealthy black beauty offers file storage and transfer via USB 2.0, with the added security of password protection. Of course, it also keeps perfect …
Cash'n'Carrion, 09 Dec 2003
The Register breaking news

Rockall Times supports UK anti-smoking lobby

Cash'n'Carrion Well, UK satirical site The Rockall Times may be closed until 2 February for "refurbishment" (actually a new, all-singing, all-dancing CMS they tell us), but the site is still addressing some of the burning issues of our times. Like smoking. There's been a bit of a rumpus this week, with stethoscope-wielding gangs of British …
Cash'n'Carrion, 26 Nov 2003
The Register breaking news

Santa comes early with big Hacker savings

Cash'n'Carrion Fans of the legendary Hacker kit have just one week to take advantage of our pre-Xmas sale which offers 25 per cent off the entire range. That's right - an immediate 25 per cent off polos, caps, mugs and rubberwear. So, you can now grab a Hacker polo in black, green or white for just £15.74 (£18.49 inc VAT), the cap for £6.37 …
Cash'n'Carrion, 18 Nov 2003
The Register breaking news

El Reg seals TechnoDepot apparel pact (redux)

Cash'n'Carrion It was going so well. The deal was sealed with TechnoDepot to sell its very fine t-shirts for geeks on Cash'n'Carrion. The announcement went up on The Register, the sales started coming in. And then lots of complaints from readers who were unable to make an order. Yes, dear readers, the day we launched the TechnoDepot range on …
Cash'n'Carrion, 12 Nov 2003
The Register breaking news

El Reg seals TechnoDepot apparel pact

Cash'n'Carrion Injecting a little bit of sunshine into a blustery November is the news that Reg shop Cash'n'Carrion has signed a landmark deal to sell TechnoDepot apparel. TechoDepot's range will more than satisfy those who like their t-shirts both in black and with a snappy tech-savvy slogan, to wit: Binary - "There are 10 types of people …
Cash'n'Carrion, 03 Nov 2003
The Register breaking news

Reg kit now available in £, € and $

Cash'n'Carrion Well, it's taken a while, but in response to all those customers from Europe and the US who demanded Cash'n'Carrion prices in local currencies, our e-emporium now offers shopping in pounds, euros and dollars. All you have to do to take advantage of this new facility is go to Cash'n'Carrion, select your preferred currency in the …
Cash'n'Carrion, 30 Oct 2003
The Register breaking news

Triumphant return of the atomic keyring

Cash'n'Carrion Well, there are only a couple of shopping months to go before Xmas offers a temporary respite from the relentless march of capitalism, so what better time to unleash on kit-hungry consumers a couple of additions to the legendary Traser GlowRing range? The Traser GlowRing will glow for up to ten years without any external power …
Cash'n'Carrion, 26 Oct 2003