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Dr Spinola's Christmas TV guide

Christmas Eve: Just Willamette. A new dramatisation of the children's favourite by Richmal Crompton about a troublesome young whippersnapper and the scrapes the little underachiever gets into. Starring Mel Gibson as Craig Barrett. Christmas Day: Athlon Powers - the chip that shagged Intel. Jerry Sanders reprises his popular …
Adamson Rust, 22 Dec 2000
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There is no ‘F’ in Rambus, Ink

A jolly little thread on The Register forum reveals just how jealous Rambus, Ink is of its intellectual property rights. One of our readers posted a message suggesting that Ramboost, Ink might have put some money into the Rambusite but that, its webmaster is absolutely not the case. When he started covering Rambust, Ink in the …
Adamson Rust, 29 Sep 2000
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Taiwan rumour mill churns on

Gather together 800 engineers and you're bound to hear all sorts of rumours and speculation, some of which may be true but what way does anyone have of knowing? For sure we bumped, yet again, into a Trancemeta senior official in the Hyatt, but no one knew exactly why he was in town. He certainly wasn't there for the Via gig, …
Adamson Rust, 21 Sep 2000
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AMD's Sanders rants up the river

Never ashamed to beat his chest and display his matt of hair to the world, AMD CEO William Jeremiah Sanders III has climbed to the top of the Empire State Building and becoming a virtual King Kong in a Web TV interview. Sanders, rarely glimpsed outside the chip jungle, was interviewed on ON24, and dilated at length about, you …
Adamson Rust, 22 Aug 2000
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Transmeta serendipity dogs Register

Your Register staffer became an honorary German Sunday, joining three wild boys who decided to hire a green Mustang convertible and head for the beach. Although all four of us Germans are now easily identifiable because we were driving with the top down all day, and we all look like none of us can stop blushing, we had one of …
Adamson Rust, 22 Aug 2000
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Cheapzilla strikes again

Advanced Micro Devices (AMD) has again attempted to queer Intel's developer forum pitch by using an intercept and kill strategy. AMD, dubbed Cheapzilla because it doesn't want to spend the money that Via and Intel does on developer conferences, at least publicly, has booked a suite in the very same hotel many journalists are …
Adamson Rust, 22 Aug 2000
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Booby-trap your PC

We can thank Kyle Bennett at HardOCP for pointing us to this link at I Am Not A Geek on how to booby trap your PC. No Semtex seems to be involved, but on the other hand you have to use the dreaded DEBUG utility to prevent intrusion of your box. We've added this link to a trusty Reg favourite 102 Ways to Kill your Computer. Go …
Adamson Rust, 25 Jul 2000
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Wildfire: an apology

The Register wishes to apologise unreservedly to all English speakers for the number of times the word 'wildfire' has appeared in Mike Magee's stories over the last few days. We now accept that overuse of an English word results in a severe degradation of the language, eventually leading to words becoming hackneyed. We wish to …
Adamson Rust, 30 Jun 2000
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PR flunkeys make hacks look like monkeys

Miller Freeman's PR Audit unit yesterday had the nerve to distribute a leaflet at the Networks Show in Birmingham, and in the press office itself, advertising a guide to UK journalists called Know Your Journalists. The guide, which costs a whopping £725, is a quarterly number which in the words of the flacks will allow you to " …
Adamson Rust, 28 Jun 2000
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Tony Blair gets Phony Blair look and feel

Despite being kept up all hours by the arrival of his New Labour baby Leo on Friday, UK prime minister Tony Blair is not escaping the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. A UK firm, anxious to portray its expertise on the avatar front, formally launched a site called PhonyBlair this morning, using a three dimensional image …
Adamson Rust, 23 May 2000
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Unusual top end device emerges

Thanks to a reader on our bulletin board for posting a link to a very unusual patent on IBM's wondrous intellectual property site. The abstract of the patent, for something called an Automated Masturbatory Device, says: "A variable speed motor powering a crankshaft driven sealed transducer producing pneumatically induced …
Adamson Rust, 23 May 2000
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IBM ThinkPads hidden under NDA kimono

Over to the Langham Hilton for an exciting briefing on the new ThinkPads IBM intros in the US next Monday. Whoops. It's under a non disclosure agreement, so we made our excuses after we'd eaten our continental breakfast and left. Still, nice to be in the Langham Hotel, near the BBC the scene of one of our more spectacular …
Adamson Rust, 26 Apr 2000
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Compaq readies users for the nuthouse

An otherwise dismal and bleak presentation of Microsoft's Pocket PC - which it appears to believe is the answer to the Palm - was lightened by three incidents at Leicester Square club Home last night. Several key IT hacks, including venerable and venerated fellows from PC Magazine UK, were shunted into a dark alcove where they …
Adamson Rust, 20 Apr 2000
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Internet comes to an end

You thought it would never happen, but The Register now has confirmation that there is an end to the seemingly endless World Wide Web. Go here to see the very last page on the Internet. But a reader points out that this is a false ending, seeing as it even has a link out. Instead, he suggests the real end of the Internet can be …
Adamson Rust, 18 Apr 2000
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Grauniad bang up to date on CeBIT

Every week, typo-filled British national newspaper The Grauniad produces a supplement called The Editor, which summarises important and interesting stories of the week. And just to show the hacks over in Farringdon have got their fingers on the pulse, they've just produced a report on massive trade show CeBIT, held each year in …
Adamson Rust, 14 Apr 2000
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Kyle Bennett gets hard labour for pic spoof

Pictured here below is Kyle Bennett of overclocking site HardOCP, who at the beginning of last week published a picture on his site of Register old-timer Mike Magee. Now, it appears, the authorities have caught up with him and he is going to have to spend a mandatory sentence of 10 years in the overclocking cooler. Kyle Bennett …
Adamson Rust, 19 Mar 2000
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US Patent Office appears to trash laws of physics

Thanks to a reader who has pointed us to a US patent which describes a device which can perform faster than the speed of light. He suggests that it is lucky that the US Patent Office pays for itself, otherwise US taxpayers might want to know why the organisation is hiring people who haven't got even the slightest clue about …
Adamson Rust, 17 Mar 2000
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How Intel employees idle away their hours

Be warned. We are about to point to some Intel confidential information which will stagger you. The second warning is that this file, from the Intel FTP server, is a big Excel file, amounting to over 800,000 bytes, so unless you got one of those fancy DSL, ADSL thingummijobs, don't bother. If you can't be bothered, the Excel …
Adamson Rust, 14 Mar 2000
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Intel to take over Aureal? Silence falls

Will Intel take over Aureal soon? We don't know, but that's what little birdies are telling us. It will certainly make a change for Intel to take over a chip company rather than a WAP or a networking company, just like the good old days. So we don't know for sure, but that is the word on the street. OK? ®
Adamson Rust, 01 Mar 2000
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Fuß Notes from the Messe…

CeBIT 2000 was in absolute chaos the first morning (last Thursday) because the traffic lights in the city went belly-up. That led one exhibitor who we met in the afternoon to complain that a journey of five kilometers had taken three hours....we travelled by tram to the Messegelande, avoiding one sort of chaos for another. When …
Adamson Rust, 28 Feb 2000
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Win2000 brings justice to a stop

Local US newspaper Tulsa World reported at the weekend that a version of Windows 2000 supplied to the Oklahoma Court Information System has so many bugs in it that the entire justice system has ground to a halt. According to the newspaper, the system was installed just before the end of last year in order to minimise disruption …
Adamson Rust, 23 Feb 2000
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Funny things happened on the way to the forum

There's a big exhibition area over at the convention centre and Hyundai America has a jolly big stand near the front. On one side of the bothy there's them thar RIMMs and on the other side there's them thar DIMMs. So we asked some chap whether he thought Hyundai would sell more DIMMs than RIMMs this year. He looked thoughtfully …
Adamson Rust, 16 Feb 2000
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Gumzilla gums Blairzilla

The august Houses of Parliament debated biogradable chewing gum yesterday, and why we don't have any. Perhaps our Mr Tony Blair should ring up his mate Michael Dell. Because last Friday he took a massive private investment in the spun-off bit of re-branded Monsanto that looks after GM sugar and something called biogum. Funny, we …
Adamson Rust, 09 Feb 2000
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AMD gives Athlon Tyrannazilla epithet

A report on Newsbytes is claiming that chip company AMD has started branding its 800MHz Athlon processor as chuk lung. This is as a result of an online quiz amongst readers in Taiwan, Hong Kong and China, the wire says. This is the Chinese word for a fast and carnivorous dinosaur, the report said. This differs from our Register …
Adamson Rust, 24 Jan 2000
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Seven alternative uses for an Intel Bunny Suit

1. It is the best contraceptive mankind ever invented. 2. Young people will envy your trendy fab gear. 3. It will keep the rain out as you're walking to the fab. 4. You will never have to buy a deodorant again because Intel forbids you from wearing deodorants in a bunny suit. 5. You will never be bothered by your partner for …
Adamson Rust, 05 Jan 2000
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Scott McNealy uses Tardis to re-assure customers about Y2K bug

Forget Nostradamus, and put Old Mother Shipton out of your mind completely. Because Sun Microsystems has already entered the year 2000 and reports that there's no problems with their machines at all. According to the information, which is posted at this Sun page here, and dated December 27th 1999, there have been no issues with …
Adamson Rust, 23 Dec 1999
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HP Powerpoint present a curse in disguise

One of HP's multitude of PR companies really dropped us in it yesterday. Over at Vulture Central, an incoming Powerpoint presentation about HP's SAN announcements clogged up our email to such an extent that the pipe was well furred for a full hour. OK, we thought, we'll kill that job and pick it up at home first thing this …
Adamson Rust, 15 Dec 1999
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Q exex fail to rock at Rock Circus

Sources close to swanky and hip London venue The Rock Circus told us today that the corporate gig that Compaq held there last week was a bit of a washout. Apparently, Q executives, as well as their corporate customers, were supposed to tip up in fancy dress. And while a lot of people tipped up, only six wore fancy dress. Those …
Adamson Rust, 13 Dec 1999
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Big Q found in Small Magellanic Cloud

One of our regular readers has pointed out that Compaq's reach is far wider than anyone first thought. As evidence that The Big Q can buy whoever they like, not just for a week, like The Register, but, for practical purposes, eternity, he points to this picture which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Mike Capellas and the …
Adamson Rust, 10 Dec 1999
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How Intel tried to make distie hire a brickie

This is a fun one, comes from a very reliable source, and happened a few years back. An exec at a newly set up components distributor, whose name will remain secret, was negotiating with Intel to supply some of its products. Negotiations between Intel and the start-up went extraordinarily well, right up until the very last …
Adamson Rust, 09 Dec 1999
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Hacks at Register demand Yule freebies

One of our regular readers has brought to our attention that some Web journalists, at least, are being showered with Yuletide presents. We regret to say we are not, with one noticeable exception, which we will return to later. Janelle Brown at Salon, writes that she is the most popular girl in Cyberspace, and reports that "every …
Adamson Rust, 01 Dec 1999
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French implant chips in Parisian trees

A report in today's Daily Mirror claimed that the municipal authorities in Paris are to insert microchips into trees on the capital's boulevards. The aim of the scheme, according to the Mirror, is to warn the authorities when individual trees feel they're about to peg it. And, the tabloid continues, London is thinking of …
Adamson Rust, 30 Nov 1999
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Mammoth computer found in closet in Australia

Melbourne newspaper The Sunday Age is reporting that a computer weighing 2000 kilograms and an incredible 52 years old has been found in a dusty warehouse in Australia. This means a working computer has been discovered that is even older than veteran Register staffer Mike Magee. And, according to the newspaper, boffins are …
Adamson Rust, 22 Nov 1999
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AMD finally trademarks Athlon and own name

Chip company AMD has finally managed to trademark its most important intellectual property, its own name. At the same time, it has taken steps to trademark the name Athlon. Earlier this year, we revealed that AMD had somehow forgotten to take this step, and so it has moved fast to protect its rights. The trademark AMD, according …
Adamson Rust, 18 Nov 1999
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Has HP stolen Big Blue's song?

HP's new theme tune sounds distinctly familiar, or so a former IBM employee claims. It may even have the same notes played in the same order as an old IBM anthem. If you want to hum along, run the Web animated clip, which you can find here. Our music critic says: "I'm sure this was IBM's theme song back in 1989 to 1990. I …
Adamson Rust, 16 Nov 1999
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Athlon advert they could never show in Blighty

The new US advert for the AMD Athlon K7 is up there on the company's Web site but one's thing for sure, this one won't show in the UK. Some guy nearly drowns on his coffee as a salesman accompanied by an attractive lass in a silver dress attempt to shock him out of his complacency. The salesman asks if he can re-route a train on …
Adamson Rust, 14 Nov 1999
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I said the weather was a bummer, you idiot…

Standing round the water cooler at Lernout & Hauspie, we learnt a fact that made what's left of our hair stand on end... L&H is working on a new fighter/bomber jet in cooperation with Siemens that uses voice recognition software. If a pilot talking to ground control calls someone an idiot, will it eject him from his fighter. And …
Adamson Rust, 14 Nov 1999
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Asus votes solidly for Athlon mobo

Taiwanese motherboard manufacturer Asus told our Taipei correspondent that his company was still continuing to support the K7M. Senior executives at the firm denied that it was withdrawing support for the mobo, or that Intel had put pressure on it. And so, if you turn to this Athlon mobo page here, you will see a ringing …
Adamson Rust, 09 Nov 1999
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Intel Bunny Suits in danger?

Interesting reports in the UK press about people wearing suits at work. According to both the Daily Mail and The Guardian, a European Union ruling may mean that people can claim unfair dismissal if they're forced to wear a suit. Intel has a fab in Ireland... ®
Adamson Rust, 27 Oct 1999
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Two PR bunnies for every hack

A report in yesterday's Observer said that official statistics now showed there were two public relations personnel for every UK journalist. It's not enough, we say. In Intel's and Microsoft's case it's not true anyway. There's dozens of them... ®
Adamson Rust, 25 Oct 1999
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Mesh PC spec confirms Coppermine features

Confirmation of Intel's upcoming Coppermine Pentium III have come courtesy of UK PC vendor Mesh which today announced its first desktop based on the part. As anticipated, the PIII will ship at 733MHz -- "with faster processor speeds in the pipeline", Mesh warns; according to Intel's pitch at Microprocessor Forum, 800MHz and …
Adamson Rust, 22 Oct 1999
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Child porn conference damns Net

The US Department of Justice today called for global laws on the child pornography to be brought in line with UK legislation. Speaking at a conference of representatives from the EU, North America, Eastern Europe and Asia, DoJ deputy chief Thomas Burrows sought a consensus that not only the production and distribution of kiddie …
Adamson Rust, 29 Sep 1999
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Sony delays PlayStation 2 so kids can still sit tests

Sony has coughed to the real reason for the delay behind the release of the PlayStation 2. It's nothing to do with hardware, it's nothing to do with software, it's nothing to do with chips. Instead, it's everything to do with shoolwork. According to a report in today's Times, Sony executive Ken Kutaragi told the press at the …
Adamson Rust, 16 Sep 1999
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Intel's Barrett found on Pouffe

pic copyright www.tecchannel.de Here we see Intel's CEO Craig Barrett sitting on a pouffe at last week's Developer Forum in Palm Springs. He likened the pouffe (it's really a Concept PC) to his horse. Intel's PR in the US have promised us that pic, which we await eagerly. The picture is courtesy of Nico at Tecchannel which has …
Adamson Rust, 07 Sep 1999
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Little Zilla found at Chipzilla

Some of our colleagues had discussions with Intel engineers involved in the USB 2.0 project at the Intel Developer Forum in Palm Springs. And several of them report an amazing but true fact. Someone called Jason Zilla works for Chipzilla. We trust that new recruits at the chip monster are not required to change their surnames …
Adamson Rust, 04 Sep 1999
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Intel branches into drink business

The Wyndham Hotel, Palm Springs, has stacks of Intel personnel staying. And it seems to have struck a deal with the chip giant to provide the right kind of drinks during chill-out time. So, for example, at the bar you can buy the IntelRoyalMartini in two flavours -- vodka and gin; not to mention the famous IntelSierraNevada beer …
Adamson Rust, 01 Sep 1999
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AMD's Sanders gets chips with his chicken

I wonder how many of our readers have noticed the resemblance between AMD CEO Jerry Sanders (left), and KFC's Colonel Harland Sanders (right). Do they have common antecedents, we wonder? ®
Adamson Rust, 26 Aug 1999
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Red faces at AT&T over Intel phone bill

AT&T formally withdrew its case against Intel -- as first reported here -- later on Friday after the world saw an unseemly mess where Phonezilla seemed to be stomping all over Chipzilla. A red-faced employee admitted that the writ was issued without regard for the size of the company it was sueing... ®
Adamson Rust, 16 Aug 1999
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Capellas only gets ½ as much as Pfeiffer

Worthy US newspaper is reporting that Mike Capellas, the CEO of Compaq, is only being paid $895,000. That compares rather unfavourably with ex-CEO Eckhard Pfeiffer, who got nearly twice that plus a stash of options. But perhaps Mr Capellas does not need barbers quite as much as Mr Pfeiffer did... ®
Adamson Rust, 16 Aug 1999
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Athlon fire resistant, graffito resistant and aesthetically sound

Regular readers will remember that at our first year Register party, one staffer was taking a leak between an AMD PR and an Intel PR, and invited them to shake hands across the divide. Well, little did we suspect what the divide was. Enter, then the Athlon panel, which is fire resistant, Adamson Rust proof, and easy to maintain …
Adamson Rust, 13 Aug 1999