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Hi-ho EVO: VMware eyes TWO new hardware-flavored trademarks

VMworld 2014 VMware applied for two more hardware-related trademarks this month, it has emerged. One application is for “EVO”, described as “Computer hardware and software for virtualization; computer hardware and software enabling users to manage virtual computing resources that include networking.” A second application, “EVO: RAIL”, is …
Team Register, 20 Aug 2014
Facebook drowning

Speaking in Tech: Meet the man who SURRENDERED to Facebook

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week in Speaking in Tech, your hosts Eddie Saipetch and Greg Knieriemen are flying solo while Sarah Vela is on holiday. Their special guest is Jeramiah Dooley, cloud architect at at SolidFire. They chat about HDS's Sepaton acquistion, mastering PR speak, Faecbook and …
Team Register, 20 Aug 2014
Euro notes

Uber alles.. NOT: Berlin bans taxi ride app over 'safety' fears

Taxi app Uber has been banned in Berlin after the German capital's government said the service violated passenger safety regulations. Officials said in a statement that Uber faces €25,000 fines for each violation of the ban, and drivers using the app will face €20,000 penalties. Uber says it plans to challenge the injunction. …
Team Register, 14 Aug 2014
 photo by kudomomo http://www.flickr.com/photos/kudumomo/

Speaking in Tech: 'Facebook Chat Heads – what a stupid name'

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another recap of the week in tech, all ready to download to your phone or tablet to make your commute home that much more informative and funny. Join your hosts, consumer and enterprise tech gurus Greg Knieriemen and Ed Saipetch - guru number three, Sarah Vela, is on …
Team Register, 13 Aug 2014
Robin Williams at a BBC talk (sergey brin cropped out))

Hollywood star Robin Williams dies of 'suspected suicide' at 63

Obituary Hollywood actor Robin Williams has died of a suspected suicide at the age of 63. Robin Williams at a BBC talk (sergey brin cropped out)) Robin Williams jumps up on stage for an impromptu riff during technical difficulties in the BBC filming. Photo by Steve Jurvetson, licensed under CC 2.0 The star, whose distinctive comedy …
Team Register, 12 Aug 2014

Is the tech jobs market really on the up-and-up? Tell us about it

Survey After six lean years, the tech jobs market is supposedly easing up. So are you planning to check out the green shoots on the other side of the fence? Or are you struggling to fill jobs where you are? We’d love to know what your plans are, so we’d pleased as punch you can take a few minute to fill in this survey. ® Create …
Team Register, 08 Aug 2014

Speaking in Tech: 'I think Ballmer tried to DERAIL MICROSOFT', says ex-Redmond man

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another episode of El Reg's weekly tech podcast, stuffed with news and views on everything that's happened in our world this week. Join your hosts Greg Knieriemen and Sarah Vela with their guest, ex-Microsoftie and long lost podcaster Marc Farley, who has since joined …
Team Register, 06 Aug 2014
Kindle Big Brother

UK.gov wants public sector to rip up data protection law

The British government is in the preliminary stages of designing a controversial system which will share citizens' sensitive personal information across government departments without their consent. Leaked documents show civil servants are planning to mimic the data-sharing systems used by firms like Amazon or Tesco. This could …
Team Register, 04 Aug 2014

Speaking in Tech: 'It's as sexy as enterprise storage. Not sexy at all'

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another episode of our enterprise tech-cast, hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, the whole crew is together again with special guest Mark Twomey (aka Storagezilla). And he's not a fan of Eddie and Sarah's lunch plans! They also chat about …
Team Register, 30 Jul 2014
Scrooge McDuck

Has your IT budget expanded or contracted in the summer heat?

Poll The austerity years are almost over, depending who you believe. But will IT budgets ever recover? Whatever the vendors and the beancounters say, the people who really know where the money’s going are you, the Reg Readers at the coal face. So help us out, and fill in this quick survey. It won’t take long, and by the end of it, …
Team Register, 29 Jul 2014
Chubby Checker performing in 2012

HP settles suit with popstar Chubby Checker over todger tester app

HP has settled its trademark suit with '60s popstar Chubby Checker over a software application of the same name intended to estimate the size of a man's member. The former pop sensation, whose real name is Ernest Evans, sued the tech firm for naming its todger totter-upper after him last year. The app, which was available to …
Team Register, 28 Jul 2014
three amigos movie poster + three speaking in tech podcast hosts: Greg Kniereman, Sarah Vela, Ed Saiptech

Speaking in Tech: Microsoft DOES have a stake in Android, y'know

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another episode of El Reg's weekly tech-cast, and the three amigos – Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela – are back together again to wreck this week in tech. This week we discuss... Return of Eddie (and turtle sex) (:45) Pebble death (4:40) Apple and IBM tap …
Team Register, 23 Jul 2014
Air pollution in Harbin, Heilongjiang province, northeastern China, in October 2013

It's FONDLEMANIA: Mobile devices outstrip PCs on China's internet

Mobile devices have edged out PCs when it comes to Chinese online browsing, an official government agency in the People's Republic said on Monday. For the first time more Chinese folk are plugging into the internet using phones or tablets, the China Internet Network Information Center (CNNIC) said (PDF in Chinese), according to …
Team Register, 21 Jul 2014
LG G Smartwatch running Android Wear

Speaking in Tech: How I was outsmarted by my LG smartwatch

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week on Speaking in Tech, there's something for everyone: from smartwatches and big data to "hacker princesses" and that good old storage medium, tape – and we're not talking about the kind you find in a data centre. Join your hosts Greg Knieriemen and Sarah Vela – Ed …
Team Register, 16 Jul 2014

YES: Scotland declares independence ... from the dot co dot uk empire

Scotland has shaken off the shackles of its English oppressors by ditching the vicious Sassenach web address system – and replacing it with a homegrown one. Anyone living in the People's Republic of Salmond can now manually secede from their Tory overlords in Westminster by choosing a new .scot suffix. Previously, the coddled …
Team Register, 15 Jul 2014

'Big Internet' wades into 'net neutrality' battle with the FCC

Major internet companies have submitted their comments to the US Federal Communications Commission's consultation on new rules for internet discrimination and pricing – the so-called "net neutrality" consultation. The Internet Association – which lobbies on behalf of Google, Amazon, Facebook and others including Reddit – said in …
Team Register, 14 Jul 2014

I've got 99 problems, but a Facebook boycott ain't one

A marketing campaign to convince Facebookers to quit the social network for 99 days has failed to thrill – even though many netizens expressed outrage at the website's recent, highly questionable emotion-furtling study. It turns out that Facebook is more addictive than an electronic crack pipe, if the response to a bunch of …
Team Register, 11 Jul 2014
Google Chocolate Factory

Speaking in Tech: 'Right to be forgotten' ruling – what would Google do?

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, Ed is out so it's just Sarah and Greg stirring up the week's tech news. This week we discuss… Revving through San Jose (1:00) Sarah's 4th (3:35) Box gets more money (4:50) Public vs Private cloud for file …
Team Register, 09 Jul 2014
Street View spymobile captures Street View spymobile on Street View

Brit celebs' homes VANISH from Google's Street View

Google is scrubbing out the homes of Blighty's rich and famous from its nosey Street View site. It has been reported that the likes of former Labour Prime Minister Tony Blair, former Beatle Paul McCartney and Led Zeppelin axeman Jimmy Page have had their houses blurred on the mapping service. Popstar Lily Allen and former RBS …
Team Register, 07 Jul 2014
BBC logo 2012

ICO probes BBC after secret British army unit's info LEAKED

A BBC Panorama researcher who leaked confidential material from the programme's production company to the target of an investigation allegedly also leaked highly sensitive data about a secret British army unit. According to a report in the Independent, the UK's privacy regulator has been notified of what appears to be a serious …
Team Register, 03 Jul 2014

Speaking in Tech: 'Software-defined' anything makes me BARF in my MOUTH

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, Ed is out so it's just Sarah and Greg celebrating Canada Day with special guest (and proud Canadian) Chad Sakac, senior veep for Global Presales Technical Resources at EMC. This week we discuss… Greg, Sarah …
Team Register, 02 Jul 2014
turbine

Deja-vu alert: Russian hackers target US, Euro energy giants

You may be wondering where our coverage is on the "Dragonfly" malware used by mystery Russia-based hackers to target European and US-based energy companies. This is big in the news just now, following a recent announcement by security firm Symantec. But in fact it had previously been discussed - getting rather less take up - by …
Team Register, 01 Jul 2014
Angry-looking cat. Pic by  Guyon Morée from Beverwijk, Netherlands. licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

True fact: Your CAT wees ... like a racehorse

Racehorses have long been noted for the prodigious length of their - wait for it - toilet breaks. Yet boffins have claimed that all animals actually wee for the same amount of time, demolishing equines' much-vaunted status as the greatest urinators on Planet Earth. Researchers measured dozens of species to find that all animals …
Team Register, 30 Jun 2014
The LDSD at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Pic: NASA/JPL

NASA pulls FLYING SAUCER out of Pacific ocean

Pics NASA has successfully test-flown its “flying saucer” – the Low-Density Supersonic Decelerator (LDSD) – after weather conditions permitted the trial on Saturday. The LDSD is a concept lander design for future flights to Mars. The craft works by inflating a “Supersonic Inflatable Aerodynamic Decelerator” (SIAD), which NASA …
Team Register, 29 Jun 2014

Today in IT news: iPad Fleshlight a reality

NSFW From frightening-looking prototype to reality: Fleshlight has at last, er, released its iPad faux-rifice. According to its blurb, the coyly named LaunchPAD offers a "whole new perspective on masturbation..." "Annual tablet sales are now surpassing the number of PC sales with an estimated 70 million iPads being sold across the …
Team Register, 27 Jun 2014

DOH! Google’s internet of things vision is powered by… Mac OS

Few companies have as all encompassing a vision as our friends at Google. From handsets and cloud apps, to airships via, ad sales and Chromebooks, this is the company that reckons anything you can do, it can do better. Or at least do with an ad on it. No, there’s nothing fruity about our vision of the future Is that a MacBook …
Team Register, 26 Jun 2014

Creepy battery-operated TEDDY BEAR SEX TOY. Sadly, this is for real

NSFW What do you buy the woman that has everything? Something else, we would advise, and certainly not the latest cuddly sex toy hoping to find a place in the hearts (and between the legs) of women everywhere. Teddy Love is a "bear that will love you forever", or least until its AA batteries run out. It offers the sort of love …
Team Register, 26 Jun 2014
Dell chairman and CEO, Michael Dell

Speaking in Tech: Nutanix OEM deal may be Dell's first step towards a BUYOUT

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's time for Speaking in Tech again, folks! This week the team chew the fat over Dell's OEM deal with Nutanix, Google and Nest's alarming hookup, and the painful process of explaining the cloud to real humans. This week regular SiT host Sarah Vela is off but Eddie Saipetch …
Team Register, 25 Jun 2014
Old Bailey Lady Justice

Coulson GUILTY of conspiring to hack phones between 2000 and 2006

Andy Coulson, the ex-News of the World editor and erstwhile spin doctor to Prime Minister David Cameron, has been found guilty at the Old Bailey in London of conspiring to hack phones. Former News International boss Rebekah Brooks was cleared on all counts of hacking into voicemails, bribery and perverting the course of justice …
Team Register, 24 Jun 2014
register logo

Is storage a security issue? Or is security a storage issue?

Live Chat If you’re struggling to reconcile the demands of ramping up storage while keeping the data secure, AND ensuring application availability, you’re not alone. At least you won’t be this afternoon, because we’ll be running a Live Chat at 1400 BST, where we will talk through the technology and the challenges, and ask what it all …
Team Register, 20 Jun 2014

Speaking in Tech: Electronic data and the law – how compelling is an email as proof?

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week El Reg's Speaking in Tech techcast takes place in the growing economic powerhouse of the Asia Pacific region. Your host Greg Knieriemen is in Singapore with special guests Adrian De Luca, Asia Pacific chief technology officer for HDS, and Michael "Heff" Heffernan, …
Team Register, 18 Jun 2014

WORLD CUP SHOCK: England declared winner in 2-1 defeat to Italy

Spud-faced footie ace Wayne Rooney may not face the chop – after England was declared the WINNER in its World Cup opening match against Italy. The quick-tempered, woodwork-bothering Liverpudlian's fate was said to be hanging in the balance after the Italians scored two goals to England's one on Saturday night. Even though he …
Team Register, 17 Jun 2014

Want to tell the world how IT really works? Tell us first

Reg Events When it comes to working out how enterprise IT really works, who do you speak to first? Easy. Reg readers. That’s why we’ll be holding the first of a series of live Register events for senior IT decision-maker readers on July 8. We will be meeting at the Soho Hotel in central London, and our question for the day will be: Does …
Team Register, 16 Jun 2014

Speaking in Tech: LIVE from San Francisco's Cloud Foundry Summit

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Eddie Saipetch hosts the weekly techcast this week, where he and his guests discuss bro culture, public cloud's hidden costs and the eternal Cloud Foundry vs Openstack debate. Joining him are special guests Jesse Proudman, CTO and founder of Bluebox; Caroline McCrory, senior …
Team Register, 11 Jun 2014
texting while driving

Mobe-orists, beware: Stroking while driving could land you a £4k fine

Drivers who stupidly use their mobile phones while barrelling along Britain's roads could be hit with much bigger fines if measures unveiled today by the government come into force. The Ministry of Justice wants tougher financial penalties to clamp down on criminals who flout the rules: for example, motorists who use their …
Team Register, 10 Jun 2014

Stephen Fry MADNESS: 'New domain names GENERATE NEW IP NUMBERS'

Autocue extraordinaire Stephen Fry has cheerily claimed new domain registrations "generate new IP numbers which so far show no sign of giving out". He blogged the explanation while celebrating being the first person in Blighty to sign up for a .uk domain. Dot-UK registry Nominet has not challenged Fry's latest boob, even though …
Team Register, 10 Jun 2014
Measuring up Apple

You'll never believe it: Apple stock is going for CHEAP

Frantic fanboi investors might be freaking out today as Apple stocks appear to have lost 85 per cent of their value over the weekend, with the price dropping from around $645 to an opening price of $92.22. But fear not, Apple lovers. The apparent plummet is just a bit of share shuffling to try to reignite investor interest in …
Team Register, 09 Jun 2014

Speaking in Tech: Unix beards, coders in hoodies - we're live at HDS Summit

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Our regular podcast was recorded live this week at the HDS Influencers Summit, where host Greg Knieriemen has a panel chock-full of those very people – including at least one person who appears to have been in hiding over the past few months... But after emerging in Moscow …
Team Register, 04 Jun 2014
The Soyuz TMA-13M rocket is launched, as seen in this 30-second exposure at the Baikonur Cosmodrome. Credit:  NASA/Joel Kowsky

Welcome to the ISS. Don't mention Ukraine if you ever want to leave

Vid Three astronauts, including two space newbies, were blasted off to the International Space Station last night aboard a Soyuz rocket from Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan. European Space Agency astronaut Alexander Gerst and NASA ‘naut Reid Wiseman, who were on their first trips into space, and Russian cosmonaut Max Suraev were …
Team Register, 29 May 2014
Pebble Steel

Speaking in Tech: Did our podcast lift Red Hat shares? Stranger things have happened

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, the whole crew is together again to wreck more tech – and after last week's episode apparently inflated Red Hat's share price by 40 cents, we wonder what, er, earthquakes are about to hit today. From scotch …
Team Register, 28 May 2014
Somali pirates storm the box

ARG! A GHOST SHIP! Pirates sunk by UK cops return from watery grave

One of the world's largest BitTorrent search engines is back online after British cops successfully – but temporarily – managed to get the domain name Torrentz.eu switched off. The website's registrar, based in Poland, had agreed to suspend the domain name following a written warning from Blighty's Police Intellectual Property …
Team Register, 27 May 2014

Are you senior enough to sit around a table with The Register?

Reg Events You’ve filled in the polls, posted the comments – now we want to meet you in person to chew over the most important IT issues of the day. The day in question is 8 July, when we’ll be holding the first of a series of live Register events for our senior IT decision-maker readers. We will be meeting at the Soho Hotel in central …
Team Register, 21 May 2014

Speaking in Tech: About that rumour of Cisco BUYING Red Hat...

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week is a special episode from Cisco Live in San Francisco. Our usual top-notch team are all back this week, along with two Cisco bigwigs ready to talk everything from OpenStack and Cisco ACI to the finer points of running a cat blog. Yes, really. Podcast host Greg …
Team Register, 21 May 2014
<i>Star Wars</i> clapboard on the first day of shooting

Internet rejoices over Star Wars, um, clapboard pic

Pic Production company Bad Robot has tweeted the very first picture from the set of the new Star Wars movie, which may or may not be called Star Wars Episode VII: The Ancient Fear. <i>Star Wars</i> clapboard on the first day of shooting The picture doesn’t give much away about the movie, in fact, it tells folks absolutely nothing …
Team Register, 16 May 2014
Openstack log

Speaking in Tech: Battle of the OpenStack boffins – LIVE from the summit

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week we have a special episode of our weekly Speaking in Tech techcast recorded live at The OpenStack Summit in Atlanta. If you're in the storage biz, you'll definitely want to plug in for this. Podcaster Greg Knieriemen hosted a lively panel discussion titled "Ask the …
Team Register, 14 May 2014
Typewriter keys

Microsoft TechEd 2014 keynote, Q&A liveblog: What went down in TX

Reg correspondent Adam Fowler has flown from Adelaide, Australia, to Houston, Texas, US, to bring you up-to-the-minute information from the TechEd 2014 North America keynote and Q&A. TechEd is Redmond's annual conference for programmers and other IT pros. Join us for the latest developments as they happen – the feed below should …
Team Register, 12 May 2014
Google Chocolate Factory

Google: Mmm. Tab-free Gmail desktop client? We won't DENY it

Google is working on a radical new redesign of the desktop version of its webmail service Gmail, it has been speculated. This comes after screenshots surfaced detailing various features Google is allegedly testing out. When quizzed about the gossip, Google declined to confirm or deny that a makeover was planned. A spokesperson …
Team Register, 12 May 2014

Speaking in Tech: 'I get told to wear makeup by other women'

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Greg Knieriemen and Ed Saipetch are away, leaving podcast co-host Sarah Vela with a "hostile takeover" on her hands. Rocking the mic this week with Sarah are special guests Sarah Novotny, program chairwoman for OSCON and technical evangelist and community leader at NGINX; …
Team Register, 07 May 2014
Mark Zuckerberg

Iran brands Facebook boss Zuckerberg an 'American Zionist', bans WhatsApp

Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg, whose company recently bought WhatsApp for an eye-watering $19bn, has reportedly been described as an "American Zionist" in Iran. According to Israeli newspaper Haaretz - which cites news reports - the mobile messaging service has been banned in Iran by the secretary of the committee for …
Team Register, 06 May 2014
big brother is shopping for you

Twitter's got a new UK public policy wonk... 'You are the product' Big Brother Watch bloke!

Twitter has hired a well-known privacy campaigner to head up the UK wing of its public policy team. Big Brother Watch director Nick Pickles is moving over to what some might consider to be the dark side by taking such a job, having been a vocal critic of US tech companies' privacy practices in the past. In February 2012, for …
Team Register, 01 May 2014