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Huawei Watch

Man given positive pregnancy test in an Apple Watch box

Video footage has revealed a man's relief when the Apple watch his wife gifted him on his birthday turned out to be a positive pregnancy test. The financial stability needed to support a household which uses Apple products often requires the tax-breaks offered to married couples for sustained investment. The costs of raising …
Team Register, 17 Sep 2015
Facepalm by Ron Mander

Schneider patches yet ANOTHER dumb vuln

Schneider Electric has pushed out a patch to an industrial control system which – stop me if you've heard this before – passes credentials between client and server in plain text. CVE-2015-3962 applies to the company's Struxureware Building Expert, prior to version 2.15, and the company has released an update to the system ( …
Team Register, 17 Sep 2015
Skull in an Apple by https://www.flickr.com/photos/walkn/ https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/  CC 2.0 attribution generic

Shedload of security bugs squashed in iOS 9 – what the hell went wrong with iOS 8?

Apple's latest version of iOS – iOS 9 – is out today with new features and security fixes. A lot of security fixes: 101 potentially exploitable bugs, we count. If you've got a compatible device, you may well want to upgrade sooner rather than later – certainly before people start trying to exploit these security holes. The …
Team Register, 16 Sep 2015

US feds save billions through data center consolidation

America's biggest federal agencies carved out $3.6bn in IT cost savings between 2011-2014 - compared with government "cut and reinvest" guidance of $7.6bn and an annual IT budget of $80bn-plus. Data centre consolidation and optimization efforts produced about half the IT procurement savings. The OMB has set out three main …
Team Register, 16 Sep 2015
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Speaking in Tech: Oracle – now all your instances are belong to us

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. Sarah's away, so Ed and Greg cover Chicago cloud taxes, Oracle taxes and HP axes. Special guests Garrett Rysko and Luke Pendergrass talk about their Kickstarter campaign, Kaia. This week, we check out... (1:00) …
Team Register, 16 Sep 2015

BAN the ROBOT WHORES, says robot whore expert: 'These AREN'T BARBIES'

An expert has called for a ban on sex robots, saying that their introduction will, in some unspecified way, increase the damage to society caused by prostitution. Chatting with The Register, Dr Kathleen Richardson PhD contended that the possible AI sex droids of the future would strongly contribute to the continuing miserable …
Team Register, 15 Sep 2015
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Vodafone turns self in to cops over journo phone records hack

Vodafone's Australian outpost has had a change of heart and will co-operate with local authorities, after it admitted that an employee had trawled through a journalist's text messages and call records. As we reported over the weekend, in 2011 Vodafone Hutchison Australia (VHA) was the subject of media reports suggesting …
Team Register, 15 Sep 2015
pikatchu pokemon

Nintendo plugs new prez into games console giant

Nintendo has promoted its HR exec Tatsumi Kimishima to the role of president. The 65-year-old – who previously worked at the Pokemon Company before joining Nintendo in 2002 – has replaced Satoru Iwata, who died of cancer in July. Kimishima has served as director of Nintendo in America since he joined the games console maker …
Team Register, 14 Sep 2015

TELLY INNN SPAAACE: Nothing to watch on your 4K TV? NASA to the RESCUE

At last, some UHD content to go on that new 4K telly or gadget you bought ages ago: NASA has announced it is launching its own 4K television channel on 1 November. Dubbed NASA TV, the channel will be the first ever non-commercial ultra-high definition (UHD) broadcast in North America, and will be thrown at the …
Team Register, 14 Sep 2015
Continuous Lifecycle London 2016 logo

The Register and heise Launch Continuous Lifecycle Conference in the UK

Reg Events The Register has joined forces with heise to bring the Continuous Lifecycle Conference to the UK, taking over 30 Euston Square from May 3 to 5, 2016. Continuous Lifecycle London brings together the DevOps community’s leading thinkers and most switched on users to discuss the tools, techniques and strategies driving software …
Team Register, 14 Sep 2015
American Bison

PRIMITIVE TOOLS found near MICROSOFT headquarters

Ten thousand years B.G (Before Gates), the primitive, grunting denizens of Redmond were already fashioning crude, unreliable tools, archaeologists say. According to the Seattle Times, more than 4,000 implements were unearthed during recent excavations. Tools including awls, stone flakes and spear points were recovered. The …
Team Register, 13 Sep 2015

'I promise you I will win', says completely sane presidential candidate John McAfee

QuoTW This week new iStuffs were showcased, a scary luggage hack popped up and a gaming icon turned 30. Now for some of the best quotes from the past seven days. America's favourite gun-toting anti-virus tycoon John McAfee has thrown his hat in to the 2016 presidential race. McAfee has made himself the official cyber party …
Team Register, 13 Sep 2015
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In brief: Android security updates, FireEye hushes infosec bod, Feds blab UK school IT vuln

Vulture nybbles Google has emitted its first monthly batch of security updates for the latest version of Android – as promised in early August. The web giant vowed to regularly release fixes for vulnerabilities after it was rocked by the Stagefright bug that affected potentially hundreds of millions of devices. The first patch batch is …
Team Register, 12 Sep 2015
Chart

Vendors look to flash as big ticket storage slumps in EMEA

High-end storage system sales in EMEA dived in the second quarter, but flash-based systems showed double digit growth, as enterprises latched onto the falling prices for the technology. Overall external storage systems sales were $1.63bn across EMEA in the three months to July 31, according to IDC, an 11 per cent drop on the …
Team Register, 11 Sep 2015
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Why did the chicken and CHiPs cross the road? FOWL-UP foiled in Oakland

Why did the chicken cross the road? The owner, Ken Houston, a former Oakland mayoral candidate, has stepped forward and revealed the answer to the Associated Press. The known fugitive chicken (KFC?), which was named Chip, for it was the California Highway Patrol (CHiP) that captured it, escaped from a cardboard box in the back …
Team Register, 11 Sep 2015
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Speaking in Tech: Learn baby, learn, it's a Cisco inferno

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we are recovering from VMworld, but that doesn't mean the news from VMware ended there. In this episode we cover Cisco's plans for VMware, EMC rumours and Google's new logo. This week, we investigate... (1: …
Team Register, 09 Sep 2015
register logo

CIOs: What are you forecasting for next year?

Reg Roundtable We all want to know what the future holds and while we could ask analysts, researchers and marketeers, we’d much rather hear what real world tech leaders are planning. That’s why on October 21, The Register Roundtable will be asking: What are real CIOs forecasting for the next year? Vendors and service providers may have a …
Team Register, 09 Sep 2015
Image from Apple's October 23 live-streaming event web page

HERE COMES APPLE with some new sh*t or something

LiveBlurt Holy Crap! It's Apple hypegasm launch day again, and here's your fabulous soaraway Reg with continually updating hot live news-a-like barrelscrape content of some sort delivered via our proprietary LiveBlurt technology to tide you over until the fruitcast actually begins. We're unbelievably excited about this and we know you are …
Team Register, 09 Sep 2015
drone

British killer robot takes out two Britons in Syria strike

Two British citizens fighting for terrorist group ISIS in Syria were killed in an RAF drone strike on 21 August. The Register understands it is the first time British nationals have been targeted and killed in a strike by an RAF Reaper unmanned aerial vehicle. The deceased British passport holders were revealed to be Cardiff- …
Team Register, 07 Sep 2015
motorised magnetometer system at the Stonehenge survey. Pic credit: Stonehenge Hidden Landscapes Project

Huge SUPERHENGE erection found near Blighty's Stonehenge

For years, archaeologists and tourists in Britain have stood enthralled by the great stone circle at Stonehenge, a relic of a lost culture about which we know very little. Now researchers say that Stonehenge was once dwarfed by a nearby, much bigger rock-hard erection. In order to make this discovery with as little disruption …
Team Register, 07 Sep 2015

Layabout, sun-blushed techies have pick of IT job market, says survey

UK techies can pick and choose where they want their next job to be – so much so that many of them took the summer off completely to sip on pina coladas and top up their tans. That's the finding of a new survey, which revealed that according to a seasonally adjusted index measuring permanent vacancies in the IT sector, demand …
Team Register, 07 Sep 2015
"Columbian mammoth" by WolfmanSF - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Columbian_mammoth.JPG#/media/File:Columbian_mammoth.JPG

MAMMOTH MAMMOTH fossil find with BONUS BISON BONE BONANZA

Great news for fossil followers this week, as it has emerged that a positive bone bonanza - including mammoth and bison remains - has been discovered at a development site outside San Diego. The Ice Age fossils, understood to date back from 50,000 to 200,000 years ago, were discovered at the Quarry Creek housing development …
Team Register, 06 Sep 2015
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US trade watchdog to FBI: 'You think the crims won't know about the backdoor too?'

QuoTW What a week it has been. We've seen dangerous dating sites, crazy gaming rigs and crooked Wikipedia mods. Now on to some of our favourite quips: FTC Commissioner Terrell McSweeny dropped a bit of common sense on the FBI's demands of backdoors for law enforcement. She explained her own (more rational) position thusly: Some …
Team Register, 06 Sep 2015
Monty Python Galaxy Song

Astroboffins EYEBALL 13 BEELLION-year-old galaxy far, far, farthest away from Earth

Scientists reckon they have detected a galaxy that is more than 13 billion years old. It's understood to be the most distant galaxy ever observed by boffins, who revealed their findings in the latest issue of Astrophysical Journal Letters. The 13.2 billion-year-old galaxy has been dubbed EGS8p7. It was tagged as a candidate …
Team Register, 05 Sep 2015

Daredevil Brit lifts off in 54-prop quinquaquadcopter

An intrepid Brit has demonstrated the Right Stuff by strapping himself into an improbable but highly pleasing home-built, 54-prop flying contraption. The £6,000 quinquaquadcopter, dubbed by its creator the "Swarm Manned Aerial Vehicle Multirotor Super Drone", uses off-the shelf 18in props and an awful lot of 4-cell LiPos. …
Team Register, 04 Sep 2015

Borg bashes destabilising DoS bug in UCS kit

Cisco has patched a denial of service vulnerability in its unified computing platform. The remote file-overwrite vulnerability exist in the Cisco Management Controller and Cisco UCS Director unified infrastructure software. Borg security bods say there are no workarounds for the vulnerabilities other than to patch. "Cisco …
Team Register, 04 Sep 2015
Anonymous

Anonymous UK 'leader' fined for revealing ID of rape complainant

The leader of notorious 'hacktivist' group Anonymous UK has been fined £400 for identifying the woman who accused him of rape. Malcolm Blackman, 48, was accused of twice attacking the woman at the Occupy London protest camp outside St Paul's Cathedral in January 2013. He stood trial at the Old Bailey later that year but was …
Team Register, 03 Sep 2015
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Speaking in Tech: Live from (not) The Last VMworld

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we are live from VMworld in San Francisco and we cover Cisco, Apple and, of course, VMworld. Our special guests this week are Chris Wahl from Rubrik and Lauren Malhoit from Cisco. This week, we check out …
Team Register, 02 Sep 2015
flames

Groin-melting Fujitsu LifeBook batteries recalled in conflag alert

Fujitsu is recalling a bunch of laptop batteries due to overheating concerns. The batteries in question are dated between May 2011 and July 2012, and were offered as spare standalone batteries. In some cases, Fujitsu says, the batteries may also have been installed post-sale as replacements. The Panasonic-made batteries were …
Team Register, 02 Sep 2015
Banff Park, Canada

Canned laughter for Canadians selling cans of air at $15 a pop

A dynamic duo from Canada have claimed to have made thousands of dollars by selling cans full of air online. Moses Lam and Troy Paquette of Alberta, Canada said in an interview with the CBC that they began their business selling ziplock bags of air collected from the Canadian Rockies mountain range just for a laugh. But when …
Team Register, 01 Sep 2015
Artist's view of a binary black hole. Pic credit: NASA, ESA and G Bacon (STScI)

Boffins clock MONSTER BLACK HOLES inside quasar-hosting galaxy near Earth

Scientists have spotted two central black holes raging and skating around each other in Markarian 231 (Mrk 231) – the nearest galaxy to Earth that hosts a quasar. The binary black hole could collide in just a few 100,000 years from now, predicted astroboffins who made the discovery using NASA's Hubble Space Telescope. "We are …
Team Register, 29 Aug 2015

Company in shambles, marriages ruined. My work here is done, says Ashley Madison CEO

Noel Biderman has quit as chief exec of Avid Life Media, the parent of adultery website Ashley Madison. If you can't think why, or don't know what Ashley Madison is by now, then you must have been living under a rock for the past month – and we'd be grateful if you could let us join you. After hackers ransacked the Ashley …
Team Register, 28 Aug 2015

The most tragic thing about the Ashley Madison hack? It was really 1% actual women

When the Ashley Madison databases were splashed all over the internet by hackers, it emerged that about 31 million accounts on the Tinder-for-affairs website were created by men. And about 5 million by women. Not great odds if you're a straight fella looking to cheat on your spouse. It turns out the odds were even worse: very …
Team Register, 27 Aug 2015

Krebs: I know who hacked Ashley Madison

It appears someone closely linked to the hacking gang that ransacked adultery website Ashley Madison has accidentally outed him or herself. Investigative computer security journo Brian Krebs, with the help of pals, today named a Twitter user they believe is involved with Impact Team, which publicly leaked 33 million accounts …
Team Register, 26 Aug 2015
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Speaking in Tech: Big Blue's big libido tops the Ashley Madison league

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we cover Intel, more Ashley Madison fallout, hangouts, IPOs and much, much more. Our special guest this week is Mark Twomey (aka Storagezilla). This week, we cast our eye over... (1:00) Eddie line dances …
Team Register, 26 Aug 2015

What Ashley Madison did and did NOT delete if you paid $19 – and why it may cost it $5m+

Add a multimillion-dollar US class-action lawsuit to the growing number of court battles facing the owner of the hacked Ashley Madison website. A class-action complaint [PDF] filed in a US District Court in California this week alleges that Avid Life Media (ALM) neglected to properly secure the highly compromising personal …
Team Register, 25 Aug 2015
Woman on phone. Pic: Carolyn Coles

Speaking in Tech: What's that strange rustling sound?

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week it's a full cast as we cover new gadgets, Android messaging, tough work and exposed cheaters. This week, we cast our eye over... (1:50) Eddie checks in from LinuxCon: soda, sweets & sessions (7:00) Dell …
Team Register, 19 Aug 2015
Toilet

'We've got the sanitation problem solved', says world's richest poop drinker

QuoTW This week, the headlines were dominated by Lenovo's bad behaviour, Google's dot-xyz obsession and a story from Silicon Valley, where even the trailer parks have $40m drama. These were some of the best quotes: The team behind the film Dallas Buyer's Club wants to go pirate hunting down under, but local authorities aren't so …
Team Register, 16 Aug 2015

Use QuickTime … and become part of the collective

Two Borg assimilators have discovered five denial of service vulnerabilities in Apple's QuickTime. The five vulnerabilities (CVE-2015-3788 to 3792) affect the latest version of QuickTime up to the patched 7.7.7 for Windows 7. Ryan Pentney and Richard Johnson of Cisco's Talos security talon reported the memory corruption holes …
Team Register, 14 Aug 2015
Assange

Assange™ is 'upset' that he WON'T be prosecuted for rape, giggles lawyer

The Swedish director of public prosecutions, Marianne Ny, has announced that she will end the investigation into Julian Assange's alleged sexual molestation and unlawful coercion. According to an update on her official website, Ny has now "discontinued the investigation of Julian Assange with respect to suspected sexual …
Team Register, 13 Aug 2015
Smoke and fire are seen after an explosion in the Binhai New Area in north China's Tianjin Municipality on Aug. 13, 2015. An explosion rocked the Binhai New Area in north China's Tianjin Municipality at around 11:30 p.m. Wednesday. The cause and casualties are not immediately known. (Xinhua/Yue Yuewei)

Huge explosion kills 44+ in China, blasts nearby supercomputer offline

Vid China is today trying to determine the cause of extensive explosions in the port city of Tianjin that have left at least 44 dead and hundreds injured. State news organ Xinhua reports that a warehouse operated by a company that specialises in dangerous goods, such as chemicals and explosives, blew up on Wednesday night. The …
Team Register, 13 Aug 2015

Dropbox adds USB two factor authentication for paranoid Chrome users

Dropbox has added dongle-driven two factor authentication to its cloud sharing services for more highly risk-averse users in a bid to foil phishing attempts. The USB authentication dongle will replace the need to manually enter a six digit code sent over insecure SMS or generated by authenticator apps. Punters will need a U2F …
Team Register, 13 Aug 2015
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Speaking in Tech: Google, Alphabet spelling out their plans

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week it's Ed and Greg talking about big moves for Google, EMC and VMware, and a seemingly bad move for Nutanix. Our special guest this week is Brad O'Neill, co-founder of TechValidate, fresh from being acquired by …
Team Register, 12 Aug 2015

ANIMALS being CUT UP to make Apple Watch straps

The Register can reveal that beautiful animals are being cut down in their prime to make Apple Watch straps. We at The Register's nature history desk were upset to discover that creatures such as the majestic ostrich, the noble alligator and the much-maligned shark are being used to make wrist securing devices for fruity …
Team Register, 12 Aug 2015
management project5

Techies! Shadow IT means you need to up your game

Shadow IT is not the result of “rogue employees looking to rebel” the research firm Frost and Sullivan has declared in a review of the hybrid cloud market. However, IT chiefs can take little comfort from the report as it goes on to explain that lines of business’s installation and use of unauthorised applications is …
Team Register, 11 Aug 2015

Brassiere belays boob-bound bullet, begetting bruised breastbone

A German woman's brassiere may have saved her life by deflecting a bullet. A woman was almost killed during a hunt in North Eastern Germany, when a hunter missed his target and the rebound hit the 41-year-told tourist. The woman, who was cycling through Germany's least densely populated state of Mecklenberg-Western Pomerania …
Team Register, 11 Aug 2015

Dead Steve Jobs' life and times are being turned into an OPERA

An opera about Steve Jobs will be premiering in 2017, titled The (R)evolution of Steve Jobs. Sante Fe Opera has commissioned the work, which "examines the life of one of the most fascinating figures of our time; an innovator who simplified communication with sleek devices, but who paradoxically learned that complex human …
Team Register, 10 Aug 2015

'Cops KNOW WHO I AM and I don't believe their hearts were truly in the shootout'

QuoTW It was a week of Firefox flaws, unruly Windows and big game news. Here were our favorite quotes from the past seven days: We may have arrived in the Windows 10 era but over in Wales, IT still parties like it's 2001. NHS systems have been found to still be running the ancient operating system Windows XP on their desktops. …
Team Register, 09 Aug 2015
Noel Edmonds. Pic: Matthew Anderson

AIDS? Ebola? Nah – ELECTRO SMOG is our 'biggest problem', says Noel Edmonds

Once omnipresent telly host Noel Edmonds has claimed that "the biggest problem we have is not Ebola, it's not AIDS, it's electro smog." Electro smog, according to Edmonds, is a product of "the Wi-Fi and all of the systems that we are introducing into our lives" which "are destroying our own natural electro-magnetic fields." …
Team Register, 06 Aug 2015
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McAfee tells El Reg: 'My shootout with the police was highly exaggerated'

Wildcard infosec playboy John McAfee has spoken to The Register about his arrest on driving-under-the-influence and firearms charges at the weekend. McAfee wants the world to know that: The shootout with the police was highly exaggerated and in fact no one was even hit by a bullet, let alone harmed by one. The Police knew me …
Team Register, 05 Aug 2015