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Apple Watch

'Hiding our wristjobs from Apple stores ain't easy' – iThing retail boss

QuoTW This week, Moore's Law turned 50, Microsoft lost a pile of cash and Comcast gave up on its dream of buying Time Warner Cable. Here are some of the better quotes uttered over the past seven days: Google got caught having a piddle party on poor Apple, but the Chocolate Factory was quick to heap the blame on its users. When asked …
Team Register, 26 Apr 2015

Speaking in Tech: How about that hacker guy thrown off a US flight for tweeting?

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we consider a world where Google owns Tesla, hackers on a plane, GE's new tech and innovation television show and finally we tussle on hyperconvergence with special guest, Chuck Hollis, Chief Strategist for …
Team Register, 22 Apr 2015

This data-powered, insight-rich future, how do I get there exactly?

Promo You know where you want to get to: data on tap, instant analysis, and market-changing insights. But the first question is: are my systems up to it? Well if you can spare a few hours over the next couple of months, Microsoft wants to show you a modernised route-map to your data-rich future. If you want tips on how to migrate …
Team Register, 22 Apr 2015
Twitter for Mac New

Twitter direct message INVASION: How to stop EVERYONE spaffing into your DMs

Twitter has changed the way it delivers direct messages: anyone on the micro-blabbing site, even those you're not following, can now send you private tweets – if you so wish. Normally, only the twits you've decided to follow can send you direct messages, so this feature, when enabled, throws inboxes open to the whole world. The …
Team Register, 20 Apr 2015
Angry-looking cat. Pic by  Guyon Morée from Beverwijk, Netherlands. licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

BuzzFeed: We don't pull 'articles' due to advertiser pressure VERY OFTEN

Devilish mediabomination site BuzzFeed has confessed that it removed "content"* because it drew complaints from the site's advertising partners. "Editor-in-chief" Ben Smith sent the results of an internal review to staff last Saturday which revealed three instances on his watch in which content had been removed after it had …
Team Register, 20 Apr 2015

Want to give your data centre a makeover? Spend half a day learning how

Promo Are you happy with your data centre? Let’s face it, wouldn’t you like to redo it and get it right this time? Or perhaps you’d just be interested in slashing your management costs? Microsoft wants to help you modernise whatever you have underpinning your company and so invites you to one of its Transform the Data Centre Immersion …
Team Register, 20 Apr 2015
register logo

What keeps CIOs awake? Leaky data centres – or leaky C-suites?

Reg Events If you’re a tech boss who wants to get yourself into the spotlight, one guaranteed route to notoriety is to preside over a major security breach. But it’s the last thing you really want to do. Rather, for the sake of your employer, your customers, or, let’s face it, the sake of your career, you’re going to want to keep your …
Team Register, 20 Apr 2015
Photo of HP Enterprise office

'Truth in advertising laws apply to you too, mobile app sellers'

QuoTW This week, we blew up our smarthomes, warded off a nasty Microsoft bug and talked tough about Google. Here are the choice quotes: Failing company HP unveiled a new logo for its Hewlett Packard Enterprise business. CEO Meg Whitman was rather proud of the rollout and explained the deep meaning behind the interlocking 't' letters …
Team Register, 19 Apr 2015

There’s a whole mobile world out there – here’s how to manage it

Promo You can retreat into the server room all you like, but we all know that dealing with your users’ mobile devices is an essential part of keeping your company’s systems up and running these days. That applies whether your raison d’etre is boosting end-user productivity, worrying about security or simply driving down costs. So …
Team Register, 16 Apr 2015

Speaking in Tech: Meet Apple, the global healthcare provider

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we review the Apple Watch (could it make the tablet redundant, the opportunity for Apple to revolutionise predictive healthcare, and is the recharge time that big a deal?), Amazon's machine learning, trying to …
Team Register, 15 Apr 2015

Fancy six months of security nirvana for free? Read on...

Promo If you’re one of the 33 per cent of folks who don’t use antivirus protection, we’ve got an offer for you. In fact, even if you’re one of the other two thirds, you’re still going to want to sit up and pay attention. What are we talking about? The chance to ring-up a free subscription to Bitdefender’s Internet Security 2015, which …
Team Register, 13 Apr 2015
Bread line

'It's not layoffs, it's operationalising our strategy'

QuoTW This week, ICANN passed the buck on .sucks, NASA warned of imminent contact with aliens and Microsoft turned everyone's old PCs into Windows 10 adverts. Here are the best quotes we could dig up before the pub came calling: Apple has denied fanbois their right to camp out in front of stores in the hope of getting on TV for being …
Team Register, 12 Apr 2015
channel_teaser_money_top

El Reg offers you the chance to become a Master Investor – for free

Promo The Register has partnered with the Master Investor Show to give you the chance to enjoy a whole day learning how to turn your nous and cash into ... even more nous and cash. The upfront cost to you? Precisely nothing. Master Investor 2015, at London’s Business Design Centre on April 25, features a range of highly knowledgeable …
Team Register, 09 Apr 2015
Vaughn Stewart of Pure Storage

Speaking in Tech: Pure Storage IPO? 'Maybe our firewall's blocking that'

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we jump into Pay Pal and OpenStack, Nebula, Jay-Z's Tidal and Pure IPO speculation. Our special guest this week is Vaughn Stewart from Pure Storage. This week we discuss... (1:10) New celebrity intro plug and …
Team Register, 08 Apr 2015
Sony PlayStation 4 in white

Sony to PlayStation 4 gamer: 'You got hacked, not our fault. Now give us £50'

QuoTW The first days of April saw the death of OnLine, the judgement of TrueCrypt and Cisco going insane for the Embrane. We also picked up a few epic utterances. Here are some of the best quotes: It wasn't the best of weeks for Sony. The PlayStation purveyor came off looking less than cordial when it refused to reverse a fraudulent …
Team Register, 04 Apr 2015

Speaking in Tech: Cloud, Ellen Pao and ... er, Jeremy Clarkson

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hello, good morning, and welcome to another edition of Speaking in Tech, hosted by our old friends Greg Knieriemen and Ed Saipetch. Sarah Vela is out of the loop this week but will be back soon. This week we scratch the surface of the Ellen Pao lawsuit (what did it actually …
Team Register, 01 Apr 2015
Mushroom cloud explosion

It's the FALKLANDS SYNDROME! Fukushima MELTDOWN to cause '10,000 Chernobyls' in South Atlantic

April Fool Molten nuclear powerplant cores from Fukushima – having burned their way down through the planetary crust and plunged into the Earth's centre – are set to emerge again on the other side of the planet and devastate the Falkland Islands, scientists believe. Sensationally, the Register can reveal full details of the impending …
Team Register, 01 Apr 2015

El Reg uncages its truly demonic BOFH t-shirt

You spoke, we listened, and as of right now, you can get your mitts on a classic BOFH t-shirt down at El Reg's merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion. Here's the £22.99 100 per cent cotton apparel in question, cladding Vulture Central's lovely Cathy during a well-deserved break from the adsales HellDesk: The lovely Cathy poses …
Team Register, 27 Mar 2015

Speaking in Tech: Big Data and the ‘Everything In The Cloud’ obsession

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week's show is hosted by Ed Saipetch, with able support from Greg Knieriemen and Sarah Vela. We're celebrating our 3rd anniversary with some of our favorite guests, including EMC's Mark Twomey (aka "Storagezilla"), Amy Lewis from SolidFire and Geek Whisperers and Marc …
Team Register, 25 Mar 2015

Nutanix 'working on a homebrew hypervisor', sources tell El Reg

We're not quite sure why Nutanix would be working on its own hypervisor, but apparently it is, The Register has learned. Sources on both sides of the Atlantic tell us development work on the hypervisor has reached an advanced state. The startup, based in San Jose, California, expects to talk about its efforts at its user …
Team Register, 23 Mar 2015

Silk Road seller 'blew through all that money using drugs and going to strip clubs'

QuoTW This week, we trash-talked the state of BIOS security, poked around a buggy new version of Windows, and then smeared a bunch of Microsoft on some perfectly good Android phones. Here are a few of the best quotes picked up along the way. While bigwigs like Stephen Hawking and Elon Musk are fretting over a future of genocidal …
Team Register, 22 Mar 2015

Cops cuff Colorado girl for allegedly poisoning mum after iPhone ban

A preteen child was reportedly manacled in Colorado, US yesterday, after allegedly attempting to poison her mother twice, because the kid's iPhone had been taken away from her. According to the Denver Post, it was claimed by police that an unnamed, 12-year-old girl used bleach to try to kill her mum. Boulder County Sheriff's …
Team Register, 21 Mar 2015
Facebook privacy image

Speaking in Tech: Why doesn't Facebook just stop doing stuff?

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we jump into Facebook's posting rules, Google's "Nearline" storage, Blackberry tablets and Gold Apple watches. Our special guest this week is tech guru Stephen Foskett from Tech Field Day. Our special guest …
Team Register, 18 Mar 2015

Atomic keyrings: Just how bright are they?

Since El Reg's merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion responded to reader demand for atomic keyrings and took delivery of a big crate of Nite Glowrings and Mini Glowrings, we've had a few emails asking how bright they actually are. Three colours of Nite Glowring Indeed, a couple of customers who flashed the plastic for these …
Team Register, 18 Mar 2015
Overcharging? That'll be because electric cars are expenisive

Musk: 'Tesla's electric Model S cars will be less crap soon. I PROMISE'

Billionaire biz baron Elon Musk has promised Tesla's Model S customers that the electric cars will shortly receive a software update "to end range anxiety". The Register has previously reported that 'leccy motor fans fear being stranded in the middle of nowhere without juice. As our own Vulture at the Wheel Simon Rockman …
Team Register, 15 Mar 2015
Jamie Oliver

'There is NO SUCH THING as a safe site anymore' – security bod

QuoTW This week we broke our PCs, debated the merits of a $17,000 watch, and scored a free logic board from the Beeb. Here are the best quotes we picked up along the way … AVG CEO Gary Kovacs had some good advice for vendors on simplifying their privacy guidelines to keep users better informed on consent: Get your privacy policy …
Team Register, 15 Mar 2015

Speaking in Tech: A Kardashian wearing the Apple Watch? Now that's success

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week we dig into the Apple Watch (what's the point, and is it any better than the Pebble), the untimely and rather bizarre death of GigaOm, and Microsoft killing backup software. This week’s special guest is Marc …
Team Register, 11 Mar 2015

Price slashed on Reg-branded Swiss Army Knife

We're pleased to announce that Vulture Central's merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion has slashed the price of our handsome Reg-branded Swiss Army Knife from £19.99 to £15.99. The Register-branded Swiss Army Knife Critically, this classic implement has the means by which to open bottles of beer, so you know what you can …
Team Register, 10 Mar 2015

MWC 2015 roundup: Strap on a wearable and cover your face in sickly VR goo

Yes – it's time for our Mobile World Congress 2015 linkfest! Here's The Register's full coverage of what was hot and plain old rot in Barcelona this year. Phabba-dabba-do: Samsung hypes up Galaxy S6 and S6 Edge – A built-in battery? Is your name Apple? Samsung Galaxy Note Edge HTC One M9 hands on: Like a smart M8 in a sharp …
Team Register, 08 Mar 2015

Cash'n'Carrion restocks atomic keyrings

Having seriously underestimated Reg reader demand for atomic keyrings, Vulture Central's merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion has just taken delivery of another big box of the Nite Glowrings and Mini Glowrings - sufficient we're assured to meet the tritium-powered illumination needs of those who missed out on the first batch. …
Team Register, 06 Mar 2015
Statler and Waldorf - copyright - The Walt Disney company - the muppets studio

Speaking in Tech: Tinder Plus: 4 times pricier... if you're an OVER-28 wrinkly

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another episode of El Reg's best and only tech podcast with your hosts Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, they dig into HP's acquisition of Aruba, Tinder pricing for the *cough* elderly and the prospects for Google+. Their special guest this week is …
Team Register, 04 Mar 2015
Bang by Guian Bolisay

'The troll stats saddened me as a human, but didn't surprise me as a boffin'

QuoTW This week, we saved the internet, screwed up our smart TVs and made absolutely no money from our YouTube accounts. In the process, we uttered some memorable lines. By far, the big story of the week was the FCC's net neutrality decision. In opting to invoke Title II, the commission will force telcos to treat all internet traffic …
Team Register, 28 Feb 2015

El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

It's official: El Reg's merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion has regained its atomic keyring capability with the arrival in our virtual emporium of the Nite Glowring. The six flavours of glowring You demanded the return of the legendary tritium-powered Traser, but sadly they'e no longer available. Instead, we've sourced for …
Team Register, 27 Feb 2015

BOFH in mugnificent return to Cash'n'Carrion

With the rebirth of El Reg merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion, we asked readers just what they'd like to see stocked on our virtual shelves. Right up the top of the list of demands was BOFH kit, so without further ado get your laughing gear round the relaunched Bastard Operator mug. At £9.99, this receptacle is unparalleled …
Team Register, 26 Feb 2015
Headshot of Trojan horse

Speaking in Tech: 'He's walking around with a rubber horse's head on'

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week the three amigos jump on HP, exploding kittens and magic. This week's special guest is Bryan Beal, VP, Global Alliances at Brocade. Here's our topics today, formatted with beginning times for your listening …
Team Register, 25 Feb 2015
Screen capture of iTunes on Mac

$533 MEEELLION – the cost of Apple’s iTunes patent infringement

Apple has been ordered to pay nearly half a billion dollars to Texas-based patent licensing company Smartflash after a jury found that Cupertino's iTunes music service had violated three patents. Late on Tuesday, a jury at the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Texas – when asked if Smartflash had proved "by clear …
Team Register, 25 Feb 2015
Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything

Hawking thesp Eddie Redmayne and Snowden doc Citzenfour win Oscars

Citizenfour – the documentary about master spy blabbermouth Edward Snowden – and Stephen Hawking biopic The Theory of Everything have won Academy Awards. Brit thespian Eddie Redmayne took Best Actor for his portrayal of theoretical physicist Hawking. Citizenfour took home the prize for Best Documentary Feature. The Reg will …
Team Register, 23 Feb 2015
2001: A Space Odyssey

Spacewalking NASA 'nauts hook up power and data cables to ISS Harmony module

NASA astronauts clocked up hours of walking in the void of space on Saturday, as they continued to rig the forward end of the Harmony module and Pressurised Mating Adapter-2 with power and data cables. Terry Virts and Barry Wilmore routed 340 of 360 feet of cable during their walks, the U.S. space agency said. NASA added: The …
Team Register, 22 Feb 2015
The before and after effects promised by Dove's fake Photoshop action

Photoshop daddy: 'I’m not happy with body image issues it creates for a lot of women'

QuotW This week we looked up to the stars, scrutinised a spectacular security cock-up and speculated on a quarter century of photo-doctoring. In the process, we ended up with some great quotes. The biggest story of the week was the discovery of flaws in Superfish, a little-known image analyser Lenovo had slipped into its consumer …
Team Register, 22 Feb 2015

Speaking in Tech: C'mon, Gartner... PRIVATE CLOUD DENIAL?

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This episode of El Reg's talk-tastic techcast is hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week the crew tackles private cloud deniers, Amazon's drone problem and bit rot. Their special guest is Jody Tyrus, senior technical architect, Security at California …
Team Register, 18 Feb 2015

Chinese food safety officials drank so much during working lunch that one of them DIED

A bunch of Chinese government officials in charge of food safety drank so much at a working lunch that one of them died. In an extreme example of when booze-ups go bad, seven bods working for the food and drug administration in central China’s Hubei province have been penalised after a colleague they accompanied on a hardcore …
Team Register, 17 Feb 2015
Solar filament eruption of August 31, 2012

Watch: FIRE-SPITTING time-lapse images of Sol showcase NASA's sun-gazing highs

Vid NASA has released an impressive time-lapse vid of our sun, to mark five years since the US space agency's Solar Dynamics Observatory (SDO) project began. The video shows off the highlights of NASA boffins gazing at old Sol. NASA said in a back-slapping post to celebrate SDO's fifth anniversary: Capturing an image more than …
Team Register, 14 Feb 2015
Samsung 48-inch UE48HU7500T 4K TV

'We have NO IDEA who put those ads on our TVs', Sammy simpers

QuotW This week, we saw worries of freezing phones, a killer Facebook bug and dinosaurs getting wrecked on shrooms. We were also furnished with a handful of excellent quotes. Here are some of the best: Samsung was absolutely flummoxed this week when it found out that *someone* had been slipping advertisements into the middle of …
Team Register, 14 Feb 2015

Hey, NUDE CELEBS! Apple adds SWEET 2FA to iMessage, Facetime

Apple has activated a two-factor authentication (2FA) system for Facetime and iMessage, extending the service to beyond iCloud accounts in a move that it hopes will help secure its communications platforms. The feature has become effective immediately, meaning any attempt to activate the services on a new device would first need …
Team Register, 13 Feb 2015
scissors cut cable

Speaking in Tech: Woohoo – we're CUTTING OFF THE CABLE COMPANIES

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another edition of El Reg's info-packed podcast, recorded in the US by your tech guru hosts Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, Ed is replaced by Amy Lewis, who joins Sarah and Greg to talk about Sling, the death of enterprise computing and Apple's …
Team Register, 11 Feb 2015
Ubisoft Driver San Francisco

Speaking in Tech: Uber and Google on the road to DRIVER-FREE cars

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen and Sarah Vela. Ed Saipetch is taking a well-earned break, so it's just the gruesome twosome this week. This week Sarah and Greg are talking about Uber and Google stepping on each other's expanding, far-reaching and ultimately driverless toes. …
Team Register, 04 Feb 2015

Extra detailed Big Iron coverage, LIVE TODAY at The Platform

The Platform is a new publication which goes live today in partnership with The Register. It will offer in-depth coverage of high-end computing at large enterprises, supercomputing centers, hyperscale data centers, and public clouds. Some companies are building their own platforms for internal use, while others are building …
Team Register, 03 Feb 2015

The Pirate Bay clambers back online after cop raid sunk site for 7 weeks

Torrent search engine The Pirate Bay is back online weeks after a police raid on a Swedish data centre sunk the copyright-infringing clearinghouse site. Administrators behind the infamous site had promised to bring TPB back to life today, however it crept back online on Saturday, as first reported by file-sharing blog …
Team Register, 01 Feb 2015

Carmakers DEFLATED by AIRBAG FLAW as US watchdog recalls TWO MEELLION vehicles

More than 2 million SUVs and cars have been recalled by a US regulator, after manufacturers including Honda and Toyota failed to fix defects found in the airbags of some of their early Noughties' models. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (HTSA) confirmed that Transportation Secretary Anthony Foxx had announced …
Team Register, 01 Feb 2015
Earth

Earth's soil moisture to be sniffed by DIRTY-MINDED satellite

NASA has successfully launched a satellite that will collect global observations of Earth's soil moisture. The U.S. space agency's bird – dubbed the Soil Moisture Active Passive (SMAP) satellite – was blasted into space on the unmanned United Launch Alliance Delta II rocket. During SMAP's three-year mission, the sat's expected …
Team Register, 31 Jan 2015