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We were going to show a pic of Simon wearing it but thought you'd prefer this on instead

Win gorgeous strap-on, enter whole new world with Reg compo

How well do you know 3D and Virtual Reality... well enough to answer three simple questions? Dive in... Your smartphone + strap-on headset = complete immersive experience Get them right and you go into a draw for one of five Durovis Dives which turns your smartphone into a 3D headset. We loved the Dive when we reviewed it, so …
Team Register, 17 Apr 2014

Speaking in Tech: Social media, big brands, smut. Never mix these three!

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, the whole crew is together to... er, get social. This week we discuss... Did you see THAT porn pic tweeted by US Airways a few days ago in response to an irate customer? If you didn't you might have been …
Team Register, 16 Apr 2014
Blood Moon

Live coverage: Blood Moon looms large for North, South America

The "blood moon" is showing its ruddy face on Tuesday, 15 April, and can best be viewed from North America or New Zealand – or in the live coverage streamed here, from the Slooh Observatory. Youtube Video Slooh's telescopes are positioned off the west coast of Africa in the Canary Islands, and started covering the lunar eclipse …
Team Register, 15 Apr 2014
Red Hat Shadowman logo

Speaking in Tech: Red Hat, Cisco sitting in a tree, m-e-r-g-i-n-g?

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's El Reg's tech news podcast with hosts Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, the whole crew is together with special guest Aaron Delp of SolidFire. This week we discuss… Eddie's roller coaster (0:55) Cloudcast and the Krispy Kreme Challenge (2:00) …
Team Register, 09 Apr 2014
Lego Monster Fighters Lord Vampyre

Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest

Lego has changed, according to a Polish priest, who has warned that newer sets of the popular Danish toy are actually tools of Satan that can destroy children's souls. Lego Monster Fighters Lord Vampyre The sweet yellow bricks of yesteryear are no more, apparently, now that Lego has started producing series of minifigs like …
Team Register, 03 Apr 2014

Speaking in Tech: Storage is FLEEING the public cloud in Asia

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, Eddie the Prodigal Son returns with our special guest Michael Heffernan, Director of Infrastructure Technology for Asia Pacific at Hitachi Data Systems. This week we discuss… Return of Eddie (0:50) Catching …
Team Register, 02 Apr 2014

Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine

The Ukrainian Internet Party has announced that a man wearing the costume of the Dark Lord of the Sith is their chosen candidate for the country's presidential elections on 25 May. According to the Russia's Interfax news agency, the party was serious enough to stump up the whopping UAH 2.5 million (approx £132,000) registration …
Team Register, 02 Apr 2014

Speaking in Tech: GitHub users did WHAT to AWS' backend?

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, Eddie is still missing so Greg and Sarah are joined by Cisco's J Metz to dig into the new Cisco public cloud and to chew on the tech news of the week. This week we discuss… Sarah chugs vBeers (1:05) SXSW …
Team Register, 26 Mar 2014

Every little helps: Dirty MOLE BANDITS clean out Tesco ATM from BELOW

The movies tell us that tunnels are normally dug when a person locked behind bars laboriously scrapes away dirt with just a spoon to secretly set themselves free. Now some naughty scamps in Salford, Greater Manchester, have used the technique, not to escape, but to break their way into a shop to steal cash out of an ATM. …
Team Register, 21 Mar 2014

Speaking in Tech: Finally a PROPER use for drones: TOILET PAPERING your house

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another episode of El Reg's techcast, hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, Eddie and Sarah have bailed on the show so Greg is joined by Cisco's Amy Lewis to chew on the tech news of the week and to dig into Amy's work history. This week we …
Team Register, 19 Mar 2014
Scotland

Scottish gov may miss IT budget cut target

The Scottish government is unlikely to hit a public sector savings target after new data revealed that halfway through a five-year billion-pound savings drive, bureaucrats shaved just six per cent from its IT budgets. In a report published in June 2011, the businessman John McClelland called for savings of between £870m and £1bn …
Team Register, 18 Mar 2014
A long collection of ridges and scarps on the planet Mercury, stretching over 540km. The colours correspond to elevation - yellow-green is high and blue is low.

Don't stare: SHRUNKEN Mercury lost 7km, but only 'cos it's COOLING

The planet Mercury has shrunk by up to 7km in radius over the past four billion years – much more than boffins had previously thought. A long collection of ridges and scarps on the planet Mercury, stretching over 540km. The colours correspond to elevation - yellow-green is high and blue is low. Ridges and scarps on Mercury, …
Team Register, 17 Mar 2014

That NSA denial in full: As of right now, we're not pretending to be Facebook or Twitter

Inaccurate. That's how US spy hive the NSA today branded claims that it "has infected millions of computers around the world with malware," and that it "is impersonating US social media or other websites" to eavesdrop on people. The clandestine espionage operation hit back at the allegations by issuing a statement [PDF] on …
Team Register, 14 Mar 2014
Picture by David Shankbone, licensed under  Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported

Speaking in Tech: Holy SiT! It's our 100th ep. Time for a video-podcast

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week is the 100th episode of Speaking in Tech which was broadcast through video on Google+ Hangouts! Fear not, uncool kids, we recorded it for you. Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. Our special guests this week are John Troyer from VMware, Amy Lewis …
Team Register, 12 Mar 2014
Ocean

20 Freescale staff on vanished Malaysia Airlines flight MH370

Chipmaker Freescale Semiconductor has issued a statement reporting that, tragically, 20 of its employees were aboard Malaysia Airlines flight MH370, which appears to have crashed into the South China Sea. At the time of writing, the jetliner, which was en route to Beijing from Kuala Lumpur carrying 239 passengers and crew, is …
Team Register, 09 Mar 2014
LG D958 G Flex Android handset

Not so shiny shiny: MWC in a post-affluent iPhone world

The dynamic of the mobile phone market since about 2007 been shaped by Apple’s iPhone. Before the Jesus phone, the trend was ever tinier, ever shinier. Since then, it's been big screens, app stores and pricey handsets targeting relatively affluent markets. This year’s Mobile World Congress (MWC) saw a shift in that six-year …
Team Register, 06 Mar 2014

Speaking in Tech: Really... $19bn. For WhatsApp?

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, Greg, Eddie and Sarah are all together and chew the fat about Mobile World Congress, Carl Icahn's effect on business and THAT Facebook post which cost a family $80,000. Next week's episode will be recorded as …
Team Register, 05 Mar 2014
Bill Gates and friends

Bill Gates is BACK... as CHIEF RICH human of PLANET EARTH

Microsoft supremo Bill Gates is once again the richest person on the planet, after being relegated to second place for the last four years. Forbes said that Gates had forced Carlos Slim into the runner up position by amassing $4bn more in personal wealth in 2013 courtesy of MS shares performing well on Wall Street. The 58-year- …
Team Register, 03 Mar 2014

Speaking in Tech: The BEST GADGETS pit mobile tech devs against NETWORK ENEMIES

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week, tech podcast host Greg Knieriemen comes to you live from Mobile World Congress in Barcelona with two special guests. They have a really interesting chat about what kind of value data analytics actually has as well as whether the principle of net neutrality can …
Team Register, 26 Feb 2014

Speaking in Tech: 'The iPhone DIDN'T do everything at first'

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another one of El Reg's best and only podcast with your hosts Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, everyone is keen to get the scoop on stealthy upstart Data Gravity with special guest David Siles, vice president of worldwide field operations for Data …
Team Register, 19 Feb 2014
The BBC's Computer Programme

Computer expert and broadcaster Ian McNaught-Davis dies at 84

Ian McNaught-Davis, star of the BBC's The Computer Programme, has died at the age of 84. His funeral is being held in London this afternoon. MAC, as he was affectionately known to his friends, was an accomplished mountaineer, television broadcaster, mathematician and computer expert, who lit up the screens of tech enthusiasts …
Team Register, 18 Feb 2014

Cops cuff 5 suspects after Silk Road copycat secret drug souk bust

Five alleged drug dealers - who used a concealed website called Utopia to sell their illegal wares - have been arrested by Dutch and German police. The website was seized by cops working on Operation Commodore, Netherlands' public prosecutions service said in a statement on Wednesday. Utopia, a copycat of Silk Road that was …
Team Register, 13 Feb 2014
Angry-looking cat. Pic by  Guyon Morée from Beverwijk, Netherlands. licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

Speaking in Tech: $65 JUST for internet and my ISP has the BALLS to throttle a service?

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise This week in Speaking in Tech, your hosts Greg Knieriemen and Sarah Vela hold down the fort while Eddie Saipetch parties in Vegas. This week they are joined by special guest Joe Onisick, technical marketing engineer at Cisco, and shoot the breeze about everything from the …
Team Register, 12 Feb 2014
Dunce

One good thing from the Flappy Birds crapp flap: It's a handy 'tech' media rating system

So, you're a Register reader and despite the fact that Flappy Bird has been withdrawn from app stores, you know how to obtain it for free on your phone in moments*. So you're probably a bit mystified by the all the headlines surrounding this. So are we – so far we've confined ourselves to noting its withdrawal from app stores, …
Team Register, 11 Feb 2014
via http://www.flickr.com/photos/nez/469824940/sizes/z/in/photostream/ licensed under creative commons attribution by andrew http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Speaking in Tech: Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella - IS HE ONE OF US?

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's another week of El Reg's jam-packed, info-smacked podcast, with your hosts Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, their special guest is Ben Kepes, well known tech evangelist, investor, business adviser and Kiwi. Once again, the gang discusses the most …
Team Register, 06 Feb 2014
Un Frog

Crafty French hackers tweak 'My Account' page, slurp 800,000 Orange users' details

Juicy personal data belonging to 800,000 Orange customers in France was siphoned off by hackers who attacked the company's "My Account" section of its website. The webpage on Orange.fr is used by subscribers to manage their accounts with the former French monopoly mobile operator. Orange confirmed to The Register that the …
Team Register, 05 Feb 2014
The Queen Mother by Phil Houghton

Arise, iDame: Incoming Apple retail boss Angela Ahrendts set for honorary award

Angela Ahrendts, who is about to upload her wealth of fashionista knowledge to Apple as its freshly installed retail chief, will collect a Dame of the British Empire award in the next few weeks. The American national was drafted in by the iPad and iPhone maker to a new role at Apple to head up its worldwide retail and online …
Team Register, 30 Jan 2014
Sennheiser SKM 900 wireless microphone

Speaking in Tech: We hope your VDI job doesn't suck so bad you want to quit every day

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise In this week's podcast, the whole Speaking in Tech gang are here to talk you through the past seven days in enterprise IT: Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela drill into lighter side of technology, from Daft Punk to Big Blue punting its x86 server biz to Lenovo. …
Team Register, 30 Jan 2014
JP Morgan HQ at Canary Wharf

IT executive at JP Morgan dies in fall from bank's London HQ

A man who died in a fall from JP Morgan's headquarters in London yesterday has been named as Gabriel Magee, a senior IT programmer at the firm. The 39-year-old American had worked for the investment bank for ten years in both New York and London and was vice president in CIB Technology at the time of his death. "We are deeply …
Team Register, 29 Jan 2014

Alcatel-Lucent and BT unveil super fat pipe, splurt out 1.4Tb per second across London

Alcatel-Lucent has teamed up with BT to test an "alien superchannel" across an existing fibre pipe, with the resulting record-breaking 1.4 Tbps they achieved able to transmit a five-month-long grumble flick in just one second. The pair achieved 1.4 terabits per second using a BT's fibre-optic pipe between the BT Tower and BT's …
Team Register, 23 Jan 2014

Speaking in Tech: Is this a mascot convention? Oh ... my God

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Our regular podcast, this week recorded live in San Jose, California, is back with your hosts Greg Knieriemen and Ed Saipetch – Sarah Vela is away. Before getting down to the technology news of the day, Greg reveals he just checked into a hotel that he thought was holding a …
Team Register, 23 Jan 2014

Reading this headline? You and 9.47 million others

It's January again: and that means it's time for our annual letter from the Audit Bureau of Circulation, telling us Vultures how we did in our regular November audit of site traffic last year. Without further ado, the scores on the doors: 9,470,181 unique users paid a visit that month, up from 7,326,907 in 2012. That's a climb …
Team Register, 22 Jan 2014

Hacker breaks into ThrustVPS, launches phishing attack from firm's own servers

Virtual private server firm ThrustVPS has taken the unusual step of admitting it had suffered a phishing attack. Rather than taking the time-honoured solution of just pretending nothing had happened and correcting the issue on the sly, the VPS provider sent an email to customers 'fessing up to the attack. "The phishing attack …
Team Register, 21 Jan 2014

Survey: Yoof too COOL for Ferraris, want state-sponsored hybrids

Modern yoof would love to be driving around in tech-loaded green hipster vehicles - they just can't really afford it, according to a new study. A Deloitte survey of over 23,000 folks worldwide between the ages of 19 to 36 found that although a lot of them weren't as bothered about car ownership as previous generations had been, …
Team Register, 20 Jan 2014

IBM pumps $1.2bn into 15 new data centres

IBM plans to grow its data centre estate to 40 sites throughout the world, after it confirmed today that it was investing $1.5bn in the strategy. It means Big Blue will soon have 15 new data centres churning out SoftLayer cloud services, including its web hosting tech, across the globe. China, India and Japan are among the …
Team Register, 17 Jan 2014

Speaking in Tech: Cloud storage FAIL (as airline loses suitcase)

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Another week in tech, and another banter-packed installment of El Reg's one-and-only podcast. Join your your hosts, Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela for a wrap-up of the week in tech and some insights from special guest Mark Thiele, executive veep of data centre …
Team Register, 15 Jan 2014
Screen shot of Mein Kampf on Amazon.com's bestseller list

Furtive ebook readers push Hitler's Mein Kampf up the charts

Only neo-Nazis and painfully self-conscious pseudo-intellectuals actually want to be caught reading a copy of Adolf Hitler's anti-Semitic diatribe Mein Kampf - which might explain why the book is riding high on ebook charts. Screen shot of Mein Kampf on Amazon.com's bestseller list In a trend first noticed by Chris Faraone at …
Team Register, 13 Jan 2014
Panasonic My Home Screen

Speaking in Tech: When will I buy a 4K TV? When they make one that LOOKS COOL

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise The S.I.T. crew start the new year off with a bang with a killer episode of the tech podcast. This week, Sarah Vela takes an extra week of vacation while Greg Knieriemen and Ed Saipetch chum it up with Mark Twomey of EMC, better known as StorageZilla. This week, none of the …
Team Register, 08 Jan 2014
SpectraLogic T-Finity library

SpectraLogic asks US patent office to probe Overland patent

Tape library supplier SpectraLogic has petitioned the United States Patent and Trademark Office to review one of the patents which lies at the heart of an IP infringement lawsuit it has been battling since 2012. The patent's holder, Overland Storage, is a distressed tape library and scale-out disk array storage vendor currently …
Team Register, 30 Dec 2013

Speaking in Tech: The Snowden Effect... Why 2014 will be the year of PRIVATE cloud

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise It's the last SIT podcast of the year... and just in the nick of time, too. Your relatives are driving you up the wall, your brother's doing his cringeworthy Charlton Heston impression, the talk has turned to politics and there's no more wine... There has never been a better …
Team Register, 25 Dec 2013

Ho, ho, HOLY CR*P, ebuyer! Etailer rates staff on returns REJECTED

Happy shoppers enjoying the Christmas cheer will be deeply disappointed in online retailer ebuyer.com – after it posted jolly pictures of its staff wearing festive-themed jumpers to show what a heartwarming company it really, really is. But, as noted by Reg reader Phil, the firm's Xmas celebrations hit something of a snag, after …
Team Register, 24 Dec 2013
hot_dog

MailOnline pulls recipe site after innocent young cookbook DEFILED

The Mail Online has pulled its recipes website after it was vandalised by Libyan cyber-hijackers. The UK mid-market tabloid's content partner MyDish was defaced by "The Great Team" hacking crew on Monday in a hack recorded by defacement archive Zone-h here (warning: link auto plays mildly annoying music). The defacement is also …
Team Register, 20 Dec 2013
cloud

Amazon cuddles up to Chinese public sector with AWS rollout

Amazon has sent its cloud service floating high over China for the first time after announcing a limited rollout of its AWS cloud platform, making the Middle Kingdom the 10th country to be offered the service.. A "select group of China-based and multinational companies" will be offered the chance to try out the cloud at the …
Team Register, 18 Dec 2013
Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer and CFO Ken Goldman

Yahoo! boss! Mayer! sez! soz! for! lengthy! mail! outage!

Yahoo! chief Marissa Mayer appeared to be furious with her company late on Friday when she took to the Purple Palace's official Tumblr blog to apologise to users of its email service, who were locked out of their accounts for several days. "This has been a very frustrating week" she said, before adding "we are very sorry." …
Team Register, 16 Dec 2013

Cut through the winter chill with these Rupert Murdoch tweeting cards

Rupert Murdoch is a man who doesn't mince his words. So what better way to celebrate the media mogul's musings on Twitter than with a greetings card? A hip young artist in New York has done exactly that just in time for Christmas. Now your friends and family can marvel at heartwarming tales from the world's most outspoken …
Team Register, 12 Dec 2013

Bjork, 500+ novelist pals ask UN for 1 bill of digital rights to RULE 'EM ALL

Hundreds of authors have written to the United Nations demanding an international bill of digital rights, after leaks revealed the extent of secret state surveillance. Writers including Cory Doctorow, Margaret Atwood and Kazuo Ishiguro have added their names to the letter, which has signatures from over 500 authors from all over …
Team Register, 11 Dec 2013
Google's Mountain View Headquarters

Speaking in Tech: Google bus BLOCKADE - is ANYONE home in Mountain View?

speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week the whole gang is together and laments the lighter side of tech. They chat about anti-gentrification activists in San Francisco who blocked a Google bus taking employees to work in its Mountain View HQ on …
Team Register, 11 Dec 2013
register logo

e-Reader feeling empty? Top it up at El Reg's book shop

We feel your pain. We understand what you want. So whether it’s that last minute dash for presents, or the prospect of spending the festive period squished in with your extremely un-techy relatives, ease your distress with the latest crop of Register ebooks. Planning the year ahead? Thinking of some New Year resolutions? Need a …
Team Register, 11 Dec 2013
Back of iPhone 5

A whopping one in four Apple fanbois uses OBSOLETE TECH

More than three quarters of all iPhone-toting fanbois have downloaded the latest version of iOS 7, it has been claimed. According to research by advertising company Chitika, iOS 7 is now being used on about 75 percent of iPhones and about 65 percent of iPads. The firm worked out this figure by measuring tens of millions of ad …
Team Register, 09 Dec 2013
Apple iOS 7

Sick of losing out to Walmart at Xmas? Apple to price-match iPad Air, iPhone 5c

US Apple stores have begun price-matching the latest models of its mobile phones and fondleslabs. According to a report on 9to5Mac.com, Cupertino has ordered its US stores to price-match both the iPad Air and iPhone 5C. iStores will be free to decide whether or not to price-match stores that are offering the Air and the 5C at a …
Team Register, 05 Dec 2013