Kill Bill: attack of the phone monkeys

FoTW We have a saying down here at Vulture Central which is oft repeated by battle-hardened hacks dispensing wisdom to young whippersnappers in the manner of that old boy sitting by a roaring log fire handing his grandson a Werther's Original: you're not a proper Reg hack until you have been well and truly roasted by enraged readers with steam coming out of their ears.

It's with great pleasure, then, that we present this round-up of reaction to Bill Robinson's recent Sky TV saga. Kids just died of anthrax? Husband been kidnapped by Colombian guerillas? House burned down? That's nothing - try dealing with Sky customer services and you'll know the true meaning of human misery.

Of course, the people at the other end of the line are not going to take this lying down. Oh no:

Fuck you i have to deal with fucking assholes like you everyday on the phone PRICK

Gonzo

So let me get this straight... you're dumb enough to only ring up Sky to move your service over to your new house a week before your moving day. And you expect to jump the queue in front of other customers because of your own incompetence (why... did you think the installers just sit around drinking tea for the 5 weeks?).

Have you ever thought that the reason you attract such opprobrium from people is because you're an arrogant selfish c*nt? And evidently a lying one at that.

And just so you know, it's part of the terms of service of Sky that the box is connected to a working phone line. It's not just so you can order things, but so they can study and monitor your viewing habits - all information on what you watch is sent to them. Even I knew Sky required a phone line, and I don't have it.

You sir are a tosser.

What you obviously fail to realise with your smary arse up your bum ways is that the reason you originally had to wait 5 weeks for an installation date is because of people like you insisting on skipping the queue.

This is the equivalent of cutting in lanes on a motorway at the last second, causing bumber to bumber phantom traffic jams. You may gloat because you get home 20 minutes earlier, but in return you will spend the rest of your journeys/life stuck at the tail end of a selfish society, rotting in your own self-absorbed car/carcass.

May your karma reincarnate you as a minimum wage customer service agent having to deal with wankers like your self.

From a patient (yet human) Customer Service Agent

FFS... people like you really piss me off. Did you ever stop to think that there might be a *good reason* they said 5 weeks? Did it enter your tiny mind that the "secret customer care dept" is secret because it's where they send rude, ignorant arse holes who don't have the decency to play their part and think they deserve better than ordinary, decent people? And maybe in the midst of your self-congratulation you forgot to remember that your existing sky box has always been plugged into your phone line to allow you to order movies... how did you think it happened, magical dwarf beams?! Your ilk are almost solely responsible for increased cost of customer services and the annual sky price-hike... go on, pat your arse twice and think of all the extra money you've cost the rest of us.

John ORourke

I seriously hope that article is a spoof.

If not, why didn't you call a local Sky Installation Engineer to fit your dish? Are you broke or something?

If you had any brains you would know that you only have to connect a phone line to activate the box ONCE. After that you can move to the other side of the country if you like, then you only need the phone line if you want to do orders, etc. Sky tell you to have the phone connected all the time only to try to prevent rogue installers cloning boxes for "free" connections.

Plus the "advice" about how to deal with customer service is miguided, I suspect they only sent you flowers to shut you up you whinger

Stephen Byrne

Magnificent. Mr Robinson, welcome to Vulture Central. ®