BOFH: How do you deal with authority?

1. The boss is concerned about the amount of network traffic you consume and asks you to come and explain it. You'd take with you:

2. The finance user group wants you to explain the poor performance of their fileshare at their weekly meeting. Your first response is:

3. The company auditor is concerned about anomalies in the asset register. You would assuage his fears with:

4. The police are called in because of the disappearance of some senior members of staff. In helping them with their enquiries, you might need access to:

5. A staff member complains about his files disappearing from the fileshare and the poor quality of the recovery mechanism. You would:

6. The helpdesk would like a definitive answer on the time to resolve a user's problem. You would approximate the time by:

7. Security want you to account for your movements the night you were working overtime and the boardroom plasma screen disappeared. You would:

8. With the turnover of managers, one thing that concerns you is:

9. The buildings maintenance people have identified that the computer room is only half utilised and wish to recover some space to create a new office, citing the opinion that the building is theirs to allocate as required. You would:

10. You've got a floor tile up moving some cabling inside Mission Control when the Health and Safety person informs you that you haven't put high visibilty warning signs outside the office, filed a work plan with the Buildings Maintenance people, roped off the open area... You: