419ers get God, distribute millions, then do lunch

Blimey, it's quite a life being an advance fee fraudster. One minute you're dying of cancer, then you've recovered sufficently to run a lottery, and no sooner have you distributed millions to lucky winners, then it's time for a swift lunch with the president of Nigeria.

Of course, strong Christian faith is a comfort in such arduous times. Cue the first of a selection of new lines of attack from the hard-working boys from Lagos:

From: Mrs Lora Harry

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.

I am the above named person from Kuwait. I am married to Mr. Paul Harry who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2001.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $5.6Million (Five Million six hundred thousand U.S. Dollars) with Bank/Security Company in Europe and a branch in South Africa. Presently, this money is still with the Security Company.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a church that will use this fund to fund churches, orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because I dont have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I dont want my husbands hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I dont want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bossom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I dont need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health because of the presence of my husbands relatives around me always. I dont want them to know about this development.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank/Security Company. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund.

I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth.

Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hearing from you.

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,

Mrs Lora Harry

It fair breaks your heart, it really does. Lora can rest assured we're always prayerful down here at Vulture Central, and indeed are reminded of John 10:10: "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy". Amen.

This above solicitation is one of many variants on the Christian philanthropy theme currently doing the rounds. Here's how another good soul wishing to leave his wedge to the needy introduces himself:

email address: la_mo65@katamail.com
Dear Friend,

This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. I have to say that I have no intentions of causing you any pains so i decided to contact you through this medium. As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday. My name is Larry Moore, a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E. I have been diagnosed with prostate and esophageal Cancer that was discovered very late due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all form of medicine and right now, I have only about a few months to live according to medical experts.

Defiled? You don't need a Bible, mate, you need a bloody dictionary. Still, you probably wouldn't have enough time to benefit from it, what with the terminal prostate and esophageal cancer.

Mind you, you're still sharp enough to suspect that everyone will die someday. And, since you only live once - unless you're James Bond, of course - what could be better than an enormous and entirely unexpected windfall to facilitate a bit of good living?:

A.A.S Lottery Headquarters:
Customer Service
580 N. Tenth Street
Sacramento, CA 85914
Euro - Afro Asian Sweepstake Lottery
an Affiliate of Foundmoney International
Arena Complex Km 18 Route de Rufisque
I.P.P Award Dept.

johannesburg, south africa.

Ref: EAASL/941OYI/03
Batch: 03/06/MA34

WINNING NOTIFICATION:

We happily announce to you the draw of the Euro - Afro Asian Sweepstake Lottery International programs held on the 1st of NOVEMENBER 2003 in Dakar Senegal. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 56475600545 188 with Serial number 5388/02 drew the lucky numbers: 31-6-26-13-35-7, which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category.

You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of US$2,500,000.00 (Two million,Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) in cash credited to file KPC/9080118308/03.This is from a total cash prize of US $ 25 Million dollars, shared amongst the first Fifty (10) lucky winners in this category.

Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your US$2,500,000.00 (Two million,Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) would be released to you by our security firm in Europe.

Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him. All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 companies. This promotion takes place annually.

To begin your lottery claims, please contact your claims agent,MISS SARAH JONES (sarahjones01@fsmail.net)

For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous elements. Please be warned.

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please quote your reference/batch numbers in any correspondences with us or our designated agent.

Congratulations once more from all members and staffs of this program. Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program. You are to contact our Fiduciary agent as quickly as possible.

We await your response urgently so that we can furnish you with the relevant details of our agent.

Sincerely,
SIR H.J.PONFA
AFRO-ASIAN Zonal Coordinator.

A pretty good effort, this one, and plausible enough to reel in anyone struck suddenly with the sort of blind greed which disables that part of the brain normally asking "but why on earth are they giving this money away?", and "but this is too good to be true..."

What really is too good to be true is our final offering - an invitation from the deliciously-named James Van-Haul:

Dear sir,
my name is James Van-Haul. a computer analyst based in an African country called Nigeria for the main time.i have been directed to invite you to the 3rd International Conference on Information technology solutions. thie is the 3rd time we will be organising this conference. the first was held in the United Arab Emirates while the second took place Ghana.

The third has been billed to take place Again in Africa for the rate at which the communication industry is fast growing. as you can see, if the re are no investment in communication both computer and tele comm services, most firms would never exist. The conference will be a 5 days thing with a opening ceremony chaired by the His Excellency, the President of the federal Republic of Nigeria and the closing ceremony chaired by the Hon. minister for Science and Technology and als the Minister for Communication.

the fee for the Conference is $2,600 which covers the accomodation,dinner with the Mr President and his cabinet members,cocktail and also sight seeing to the newly launched satelite in the country. please let us know if you are interested in the conference so we can make arrangement for you as participant(s). hoping to hear from you soon.

JAMES VAN-HAUL.
MEMBER ORGANISING COMMITTEE
3RD CONFERENCE ON IT SOLUTIONS.
rocajigga2001@yahoo.co.uk
234-802-831-7802

A trip to see a newly-launched satellite for only $2,600? That represents truly fantastic value, given that the Russians are charging millions for a jaunt to the International Space Station.

Yup, we'd love a zero-grav chin-wag with Nigeria's Great and Good. Put us down for ten tickets. ®

Bootnote

Thanks to readers Daan Strebe, Geoffrey McCaleb, Dan Lynch and Peter Rogers for the above. They each win US$10,00,000.00 (TEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) from the Vulture Central Internet lottery, a trip to outer space and a copy of the Bible for their trouble. Naturally, we will require a $10,000 handling fee, paid in advance, to facilitate the release of the prizes.

We wonder, btw, if Mr James Van-Haul is by any chance related to Mr "Heafrow" Van-Haul who organised the famous Brinks-Mat gold heist some years back? Just a thought, but it would explain where all the unrecovered loot ended up. ®