Your life is at risk. Straight up

Following on from the siege of a female doctor by mindless thugs who daubed her house with paint believing she was a paedophile - she was a paediatrician - we felt it was our duty to warn other readers who may find themselves under attack by illiterate scum.

Paedodontists and paedobaptists are obviously the most at risk. But then if you are an ancient greek gymnastics teacher - or paedotribe - it's worth keeping an eye out. Even if you're just a teacher, or pedagogue, we suggest putting in window locks.

Then again, watch out if you look after people's feet because pedicurist is likely to be easily confused. If you're not any of these, don't think you're safe though, because at some point you're likely to be a pedestrian and God only help you when you are.

Remember folks. You can't reason with the brain dead. ®