At last – a use for AI! Predicting an England World Cup victory

Good news for England fans. Advanced artificial intelligences reckon there is a good chance of England beating Sweden to progress to the FIFA World Cup semi-finals this weekend.

Unfortunately, a goat disagrees.

Retail wonk Blue Yonder turned the awesome power of its AI platform away from predicting how many pies Morrisons should shovel onto the shelves and instead focused its unfeeling gaze onto the beautiful game.

The AI, which the boffins modestly claim was developed from techniques honed at CERN, gives England a 55.9 per cent chance of winning tomorrow night. IKEA managers will be able to rest easy, knowing that a UK-wide flatpack and meatball boycott is therefore unlikely to be on the cards.

Unfortunately, England only have a 9.8 per cent chance of actually lifting the trophy. Brazil are still favourites with a 29.9 per cent likelihood of taking home the spoils.

Other AIs agree. Microsoft's Bing is even more confident and gives England a 57 per cent chance of beating the nation that gave the world Abba, Volvos and the mighty Dolph Lundgren.

Getting out the bunting for an expected open-top bus tour with England's footballing heroes in attendance might be a little premature, however. Harry West of Omnisport reported on Twitter that this year’s animal oracle, a goat called Zabiyaka, thinks Sweden has it in the bag.

Or more likely preferred the look of whatever was in the bowl behind the Swedish flag.

Bad news #ENG fans...

Zabiyaka, the predicting goat, foresees a #WorldCup quarter-final win for #SWE here in Samara tomorrow

She didn’t need much time to think about it, either#YouveGottaBeKiddingMe@OmnisportNews pic.twitter.com/6TIWGomP2c

— Harry West (@West1882) July 6, 2018

The Register will be the first to welcome our new goat-based AI overlords and plans to chant "England" alternated with "Sverige" in our always scrupulously even-handed way. Unless we find something, anything, better to do. ®