New coding language Fetlang's syntax designed to read like 'poorly written erotica'

If you fancy whipping up a bondage loop under a BSDM licence this is the language you've been gagging for

Bondage man image via Shutterstock

Developers: bored with bracketing? Got a dose of “escaping ennui”? Why not write bad erotica instead?

That's the brilliant/sick objective of a project called "Fetlang" that recently emerged on GitHub thanks to a chap called Dagan, aka “Property404”.

As the repo's readme explains:

“Fetlang is a statically typed, procedural, esoteric programming language and reference implementation. It is designed such that source code looks like poorly written fetish erotica”.

Admittedly, Vulture South hasn't tried to code anything in Fetlang, but clearly an evil genius has been at work in (we hope) a suitable lair:

Make Sean moan
Worship Carrie's feet

Bind Amy to Saint Andrew's Cross
    Have Amy hogtie Sean
    If Amy is Carrie's bitch
        Make Slave scream Sean's name
        Make Sean moan

If you need to access a value inside a chain, you need a “bondage loop”, and for an exit, a developer will call safeword (of course).

Perusing the tutorial explains that Fetlang's outputs exist as a Unix stoud wrapper – meaning to get the output “Hello! This is my first Fetlang program!” comes from the command:

Make slave scream “Hello! This is my first Fetlang program!”

There's much, much (NSFW) more in the tutorial.

It's hardly surprising that “Fetlang is not recommended for production use at this moment, especially in medical or military applications”.

And the license is "BSD, modified", or BSDM. Which for those of you who led sheltered lives is a nod to BDSM, the acronym for "bondage, discipline and sadomasochism". ®

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