Blighty's BONKERS BANKING BONKING BONANZA: Apple Pay arrives

Great! Even your wallet will be dependent upon a battery you can't swap

Apple iPhone 6
ESTRAGON: (with exaggerated enthusiasm). I find this really most extraordinarily interesting.

Fanbois of Britain, flick your heads so your post-ironic full bottomed wigs no longer block your ears and listen!

Apple Pay is launching in the UK!

The bank-worrying NFC payment solution will allow fanboiyim to tap their iThings on terminals in high street shops in the UK to pay for items costing up to £20, in a manner reminiscent of contactless credit cards - if you had to charge them up every night to keep them working.

Cupertino's press release proudly announces that: "Gone are the days of searching for your wallet. The wasted moments finding the right card" - while sadly forgetting that here are the days of asking if you can charge your phone to pay for a bottle of water.

"Now payments happen with a single touch," said the fruitchomp personnel, proudly waving their Obama-endorsed data-slurping devices.

At the moment, Apple has stated it is happy to receive a mere 0.15 per cent processing fee, as it still gets to be "at the centre of payments".

Token Security

"Apple Pay will change how you make purchases with breakthrough contactless payment technology and unique security features built into the devices you have with you every day," proclaims Apple.

Apple Pay's unique security feature is called tokenisation, which does not pass on account details to retailers but instead uses a single-use token which allows possibly untrustworthy shopkeepers to make but the single debit to a fanboi account.

These payments also require to be verification by the fanboi fingerprint, through the fruity Touch ID system. ®


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