Apple knob refusenik Sir Jony Ive handed award - for talking BOLLOCKS

Plain English Campaign gives exec Kick in Pants award for Watch words

Photo of Jonathan Ive

The delicate tech architect that is Apple’s Sir Jonathan of Ive is no stranger to accolades, and now he’s picked up another - for talking balls.

The senior veep of design received a Kick in the Pants Award as part of the Plain English Campaign’s 35th annual embarrassment fest, for waxing lyrical about the Apple Watch.

“The digital crown is a remarkable input device,” the Essex lad said. “It fluidly zooms into apps. It enables nimble, precise adjustment. And crucially, you can use it without obstructing the display."

The "digital crown" could also be referred to more simply as a “knob”, but “knob” is far less exciting, the campaign group said.

Big nob Ive joined Apple in 1992 and is responsible for creating the company’s most iconic kit, including iMacs, iPods, iPads. But he is falling over himself to set the Watch apart from rivals.

He said the wrist fondler houses a “custom-designed chip that integrates sub-systems into one remarkably compact module, which is then encapsulated to protect the electronics”.

“It’s essentially miniaturising an entire computer system onto a single chip," he informed the world.

Systems on a chip (SoC) has been around since the 70s, when integrated circuits were first built into ... er ... digital watches. Then in the 90s, ASIC vendors seized SoC opportunities by embedding micro controllers.

But with just one in ten Apple fanbois said to be interested in splashing the cash on the Watch, Mr Ive may be gobbing off to whip up more interest.

The 'Foot in Mouth Award' went to verbose millionaire revolutionary Russell Brand, who has made it his aim in life to stand up for ordinary people.

His gobbledygook included:

The attitude of churlish indifference seems like nerdish deference contrasted with the belligerent antipathy of the indigenous farm folk, who regard the hippie-dippie interlopers, the denizens of the shimmering tit temples, as one fey step away from transvestites.

Does anyone else wish he’d start consuming alcohol and hard drugs again? Or simply, perhaps, be funny? ®

Sponsored: The Joy and Pain of Buying IT - Have Your Say


Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017