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justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups

Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time

Back in the bad old days when men were men and women were, well, a bit more relaxed, new forms of technology generally ushered in equally new ways of watching other folk having sex.

Few older gents can forget the VHS and Betamax era, because it allowed them to linger over hours of grumble movies starring a host of lovelies and their luxuriously extravagant lady gardens. But this isn't good enough for the Tindr generation, who need only swipe right to come face-to-face with a modern woman - and thence, so they might hope, her fashionably denuded pubic region.

So when the justWatch (yes, we know it's called the Apple Watch, but world+dog will insist on adding a superfluous “i” in front) was released, there must have been a few people wondering how on earth this could be regarded as a bona fide innovation, because it didn't seem to help us do rude things in a new way.

Now, to all those people who feared their wrists would become a zone as free from impropriety as Mary Whitehouse's knicker drawer, we have heartening news.

We can finally usher in the new era of wearable technology, because it's finally enabled some naughtiness following the announcement of the world's first Apple Watch "hook up app".

Dubbed Close Encounters, it turns the wrist from a locus of solitary sin into a portal to a golden land of unbridled concupiscence - even if you're a total minger.

It is designed by a company called 3nder, which previously designed an app to allow smartphone users to arrange threesomes.

Basically, Close Encounters is a blind date service. Just click the watch face and it will steer you in the direction of some other horny person, who will either recoil with horror at your inglorious visage or fall into bed with you. All you will be shown is a few bits of information about your target, adding to the tension of the whole seedy affair.

"No chat, no bullshit," its creators announced. "Just share your location and follow the line until you reach your match. 3nder will be able to determine people around you in meters, so it will work indoors as well."

Happily, the devs are down with modern concerns as well.

"No worries, your exact location will be always offset with a kilometre," they promised. "Yup, we know about the privacy trend. You can also hide by pressing the screen. Another awesome thing about awesome technology!"

The app will automatically tell you when someone horny is nearby, but you can also use the "digital crown" to have a look about.

Best of all, you shouldn't need to worry about being chopped up by some lascivious loon.

"Triple tap the display to activate Emergency mode," the developers said. "This will let the Police know where you are and will also share the location of your date. He/she will also get a permanent ban on 3nder. Win! Except for the murder guy."

What do you think of that? Get below and let us know (which probably isn't the sort of line you should use with your first blind date unless you want to see that emergency button bashed about). ®

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