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Saddle up for the Tour de Firmware

Build a BONKERS BICYCLE laden down with gadgetry

Snot patches

Now for a piece of data that may upset non-cyclists: lots of bicycle gloves come with a small, furry, patch that is designed to be nicely absorbent so riders can wipe drippy noses on it.

The Doppleganger light puts that patch to more hygienic use, by attaching to a glove with velcro. There's also a small switch designed to sit between thumb and forefinger to turn the light on and off, in the expectation you'll use it as a turn indicator light.

Doppleganger Bike light

Turning left and dripping bogeys

For something a little classier Helios handlebars include indicator lights and a small GPS unit that, when you equip it with a SIM and send it a TXT, will send another message in return to let you know your bike's location.

If you get serious, all sorts of technological delights await. A couple of years ago bike gadgets like cadence sensors and power meters would have used the ANT standard. These days Bluetooth is making big inroads, so you'll need to get your head around the two and whether the bike computer and heart rate monitor of your dreams speaks either, or both, plays nicely with others or locks you in to one vendor's ecosystem.

Those in cold climes may even find themselves considering virtual trainers that portray roads on a television or other device, the better to make hours of indoor training tolerable.

The cloud also comes into things, because these days lots of cyclists rely on cloud services to record their rides. Apps like Strava rely on the cloud to connect riders, by allowing the creation of ““segments”, sections of road or path on which users can compete.

For an example, consider the “Cardigan Crunch” , a stretch of road on your correspondent’s ride to work. At the time of writing, I’m the fourth-fastest male rider on this segment. Should I take the crown, I’ll be informed of the fact, leader boards will update, my Strava “followers” (think Facebook friends) will all be told of my achievement and my profile will forever record my feat. Then my clubmates will try to knock me off, I’ll fight back, and we’ll all know about it thanks to the app’s email stream. Segments are everywhere, meaning cyclists now have incentive to speed up at various moments. That’s made for some trouble and legal action after crashes and injuries experienced chasing titles. It’s also made lots of reasons for friendly competition.

Here we are about 800 words in and we still haven't mentioned a bike! Carbon fibre has lots of fans, but a custom titanium frame has more technical cred inasmuch as lots of folks prefer to weld the metal inside a sealed chamber filled with inert gases. Let's assume a titanium frame and carbon wheels, plus electronic Capagnolo kit, a combination that will get almost any rider jealous.

We could go on but you get the idea: between electronic components and accessories, you could build yourself a technology-infused bike that would make getting up any hill a little easier and instil the sense of pride that comes with finishing a well-coded app or stable data centre rig. ®

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