Feeds

Today in IT news: iPad Fleshlight a reality

Putting the fondle in fondleslab

The Power of One eBook: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

NSFW From frightening-looking prototype to reality: Fleshlight has at last, er, released its iPad faux-rifice.

According to its blurb, the coyly named LaunchPAD offers a "whole new perspective on masturbation..."

"Annual tablet sales are now surpassing the number of PC sales with an estimated 70 million iPads being sold across the US in 2013 alone,” said Brian Shubin, COO of Interactive Life Forms, the firm responsible for unleashing this rubberised upon the world.

“The Fleshlight LaunchPAD is a great addition to the current Fleshlight owner’s experience.”

The work of fiction on YouTube shows a woman who doesn't appear to be horrified about her partner owning a plastic orifice simulator.

Luckily for any prospective client, the website is packed full of reviews.

One user, going under the name All4Girls, wrote: "The grips on the LaunchPAD make it easy to thrust into the Fleshlight rather than stroking. It takes masturbating to a whole new level.”

“Stoya porn on your tablet + the Launch Pad + Stoya’s Fleshlight makes it feel like she’s really in the room! IMHO this is better than the real thing," said FleshLover, although his theory is unlikely to be tested.

“I get out my Launch Pad whenever my wife goes out of town. Now I wish she’d leave more often… this thing is amazing!” gushed the charmingly monikered MoneyShots. ®

Reducing security risks from open source software

More from The Register

next story
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.