Feeds

Marauding quid-a-day nosh hack menaces teepee hippie villages

Lentil-busting operation, as fellow posse members resist cake/canteen temptation

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Meanwhile, Neil fights off temptations left, right and centre

Also on top of the challenge is Neil Barnes, whose breakfast yesterday comprised "homebrew muesli (oats, sultanas, desiccated coconut and milk) and a couple of slices of homemade sourdough bread, rounded off with a cup of Lapsang* when I got to work".

Neil's missus Anita, who's also living below the line, kicked off her day with "a slice of toast and a cup of Lapsang", before tucking into "a tomato and some of the sprouts for lunch".

Quite what Neil had for lunch we know not, but he did say someone had rather unkindly brought a cake into work. I earn a crust from the safety of my own home, so am mercifully spared such temptations. I applaud my fellow team members for their fortitude - in Chris's case in the face of terrible deprivation. He told us last week: "I'll be going to a client and this client has a canteen. I like canteens. No, more than that, I really, really like canteens."

Back at the Barnes' canteen, Neil and Anita last night enjoyed a curried chickpea concoction with a little rice – total cost (and Anita had two helpings) £0.92.

Curried chick peas and rice

That'll be 92p, sir. Would you like to see the Lapsang Souchong list?

Looking good. I must confess I'm a little jealous of all this variety, having taken the chickpea stew/rice mono-menu line of attack. Yesterday I committed 1kg of chickpeas to the steel pot, and here's the finished product after around three hours atop the fire:

My finished stew yesterday

Hmmmm... just a soupçon of the great outdoors

The result's pretty tasty, with an agreeable hint of oak smoke and perhaps just a soupçon of springtime country air and a slight bouquet of roast olive oil.

To complement the stew, I've got 2kg of long-grain rice for the week. That's a whopping 400g per day, and here's what 200g looked like at the dinner table yesterday:

Lester's dinner last night - chick pea stew and rice

Way too much rice

That's far too much rice, and half of what you see above is now sitting in the kitchen while I ponder a creative culinary use for it that doesn't involve spending any money.

In hindsight, I could have used some my rice budget on lentils, but there's one slight problem: I can't stand the bloody things. Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends eat lentils. Actually, that's not true. I have friends who know people who may at one time have eaten lentils.

It's a not an issue of taste, it's rather that every time I'm faced with a lentil dish I have the overwhelming desire to torch a teepee village, driving screaming hippies into the open where they can be peppered with lard-filled paintball pellets.

On that note, I'm off to the woods with the mutt pack to forage for mushrooms, and God help any alternative-lifestyle yurt settlements we stumble across.

While I'm culinarily cleansing the mountainside, please show your support for the nosh posse by making a donation to Malaria No More UK – the beneficiary of all this tomfoolery.

As of this morning, we'd raised a healthy £450, but surely we can do better? ®

Bootnote

* The tea aficionados out there will recall we've previously called Neil to task on this Lapsang Souchong business. Mate, get yourself some proper thousand-bags-for-a-tenner industrial brew, and enough of this pseudo-cha nonsense.

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
GRAV WAVE DRAMA: 'Big Bang echo' may have been grit on the scanner – boffins
Exit Planet Dust on faster-than-light expansion of universe
SpaceX Dragon cargo truck flies 3D printer to ISS: Clawdown in 3, 2...
Craft berths at space station with supplies, experiments, toys
That glass of water you just drank? It was OLDER than the SUN
One MEELLION years older. Some of it anyway
Big dinosaur wowed females with its ENORMOUS HOOTER
That's right, Doris, I've got biggest snout in the prehistoric world
Japanese volcano eruption reportedly leaves 31 people presumed dead
Hopes fade of finding survivors on Mount Ontake
Relive the death of Earth over and over again in Extinction Game
Apocalypse now, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that ...
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.