Feeds

Wearable tech for HORNY COWS: Biz slurps £3m for bovine arousal detectors

I say, Cletus, that there Daisy's getting hot under the collar...

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

A firm which designs wearable tech for cows is celebrating after raising more than £3m to help fund its global expansion.

Silent Herdsman has been handed the golden bull by a group of investors including Scottish Equity Partners, Albion Ventures and the Scottish Investment Bank.

Its technology uses a "decision-support platform" which uses a behaviour-monitoring collar to suss out what a cow is up to. The patented techniques "deliver highly accurate health predictions resulting in improvements in animal health, increased milk yield, and enhanced profitability for farmers on a rapid payback".

There's a big market for this technology, as Stuart Paterson, of Scottish Equity Partners pointed out.

“There are currently over 1 billion beef and dairy cows world-wide and over 34m dairy cows in the EU and US alone," he said. "This number is continuing to grow as countries get wealthier and demand for dairy products increases. As a result, this represents a market opportunity of over $1bn per annum to Silent Herdsman."

One of Silent Herdsman's most important functions allows farmers to decide when to carry out artificial insemination.

Key to this is detecting a beast's fertility by analysing oestrogen levels and using a formula along the lines of: hot cow = horny cow. Once a warm beast with high hormone levels is spotted, farmers know its time to get busy with the bull sperm.

Annette MacDougall, CEO at Silent Herdsman, said: “This investment underpins our unique and distinguishing product features and represents a significant endorsement towards our global expansion plans.

"The Silent Herdsman predictive analytic software platform is uniquely positioned to assist dairy and beef farms globally to bolster productivity gains, improve operational performance and increase profit on farm.”

Silent Herdsman used to go under the rather more prosaic name of Embedded Technology Solutions Limited.

On a customer testimonials page, farmers described their excitement at being able to plot their cows' sex lives in intimate detail.

"Now we can pin point the exact time for insemination with Silent Herdsman," wrote Steve Brown of Burton Overy, Leicestershire.

"Silent Herdsman detects and highlights the right time for the artificial insemination process," ejaculated Wallace Magowan of Bangor , Northern Ireland. "This fact, I know will provide a return on investment that allows me to budget my insemination costs more efficiently in the future with accurate prediction day one."

Before wearable technology came along, farmers used to rely on traditional techniques to decide how horny their herd is. According to this rundown of signs that a cow is getting amorous, you should probably start to close the gate if Daisy starts trying to mount you. Likewise, if she's acting restlessly or mooing a lot, sexy time has started. Be very afraid. ®

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.