Feeds

Is it a BIRD? Is it a plane? Right first time – and she's in SPANDEX

Huawei's superheroine Purple Reign upstages new mobe

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Pics In a pop-up shop in Shoreditch, two rubber-clad hotties are snogging in front of a small audience of pretty PR people. It might sound like an average Saturday night for the racier denizens of this uber-hip part of London but it is, in fact, a tenuous marketing ploy for the Huawei Ascend P2, a flash new smartphone from the world's biggest telecoms maker.

The kinkily-dressed couple are in London town to give a few speeches to discuss their lives as genuine superheroes and explain why they've decided to roam the streets of their home city of Seattle, in Washington, US, dealing out rough justice to any bad guys they come across. They're engaging in a spot of tonsil tennis before going on stage to explain their bizarre lives as well, which is nice.

It's entirely unclear what all this has to do with the Chinese state-linked mobile phone manufacturer's new gizmo, but El Reg is there because we were promised lycra-clad ladies of the night (in the crime-fighting sense) and muscle-bound nutjobs in spandex. Phoenix Jones and his lover, sidekick and muse Purple Reign didn't disappoint.

"We're all about fixing things, finding creative solutions to problems," Phoenix explains. "We use the symbolism of the superhero to fight crime, but also to inspire other people to do good. We're certainly not vigilantes."

Real life superheroes Phoenix Jones and Purple Reign are in the UK to launch the world's fastest smartphone, the Huawei Ascend P2

With their all-American shiny white teeth, whip-tight bodies and slightly kinky costumes, the pair look more like niche pornstars than crime fighters. The suits they both wear accentuate this image, with Phoenix sporting a rather impressive-looking armoured codpiece and a scary-looking cowl, and his purple-haired partner was clad in a rubber suit which gives her the sort of pumped-up, boobylicious body last seen on Jodie Marsh after months of bodybuilding.

"To be honest, this doesn't even begin to do my abs justice. Seriously," Purple Reign says modestly when I ask what their real physiques are like beneath the flattering suits.

Phoenix is an undefeated Mixed Martial Arts champion and the lead crime-fighter of the pair. The superhero with the amazing flat-top hairdo has stopped muggings, averted a riot and scared the bejeezus out of Seattle's casual drug users during his nightly patrols. His lover and sidekick performs a gentler role, visiting schools to gee up the kids and leading a domestic violence campaign, prompted by her own experiences at the hands of an abusive partner.

The pair are lovers whose romance was sparked when Phoenix bought a date with Purple (not their real names) at a charity woman auction in the city. He was forced to wear his costume to their first night on the town because he'd been stabbed in the stomach and then superglued the wound shut, bonding his skin and clothes in the process. Love soon blossomed.

"My parents were a little nervous at first," she says. "But now they are very supportive. In fact, they are our biggest fans."

Fighting the urge to ask about their sex lives, El Reg got a glimpse at the tech that powers their madcap criminal-bashing lifestyle.

Both sport cameras in the chestplates of their uniforms, so they can livestream the action, and have GPS built into their suits. Phoenix is the muscle of the pair, with a $10,000 dollar shield which he claims stops bullets and grenades, as well as a fire-proof, bullet-proof and stab-proof costume. Purple uses her brain, studying crime maps and statistics to work out how best to catch the crooks.

They clearly need all this gear in Seattle, which isn't exactly the most genteel of cities. "Our laws are dumb," Phoenix says. "You can carry a sword that’s less than two and a half feet long, so you could walk about with a short broadsword, and you can also have anything that doesn’t remote detonate, so a grenade launcher’s fine too."

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
MI6 oversight report on Lee Rigby murder: US web giants offer 'safe haven for TERRORISM'
PM urged to 'prioritise issue' after Facebook hindsight find
Assange™ slumps back on Ecuador's sofa after detention appeal binned
Swedish court rules there's 'great risk' WikiLeaker will dodge prosecution
You think the CLOUD's insecure? It's BETTER than UK.GOV's DATA CENTRES
We don't even know where some of them ARE – Maude
NSA mass spying reform KILLED by US Senators
Democrats needed just TWO more votes to keep alive bill reining in some surveillance
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Go beyond APM with real-time IT operations analytics
How IT operations teams can harness the wealth of wire data already flowing through their environment for real-time operational intelligence.
The total economic impact of Druva inSync
Examining the ROI enterprises may realize by implementing inSync, as they look to improve backup and recovery of endpoint data in a cost-effective manner.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.