Feeds

Android FOUND ON TABLETS inscribed with WORD OF GOD

O come all ye fondlers, joyful and triumphant

Intelligent flash storage arrays

A church has handed out tablets instead of hymn books - but not stone ones etched with the 10 commandments: these are Android fondleslabs whose pinch-to-zoom feature is a godsend for elderly parishioners, we're told.

The first tab-equipped Church of England congregation at St John's Church in Mickleover, near Derby, clutched Archos tablets as backups for the church's existing projection screens, allowing the most myopic of Christians to follow the service and sing along during the important bits.

Elderly church-goers embracing tablet technology

We can't help but notice they have hardcopy backups to hand.

The Wi-Fi capability of the tablets takes centre stage as the tablets were provided by The Cloud - a BSkyB company always quick to spot a PR opportunity - but as the content was web-based any old fondleslab would have done.

Indeed, in a statement, the church told us "a couple of members of the congregation have used their own devices during Sunday service before", generously assuming they were using them to follow the service, rather than seeking alternative entertainment.

Connected by simple desktop sharing software, the tablets follow the service on the main screen in real time, allowing users to enlarge the font for everything from hymns to chapters of the Bible.

Originally the church installed The Cloud's Wi-Fi for its on-site internet cafe. The cloudy company later donated a handful of tablets for the use of parishioners.

Doctor Who fans will know there's already something hiding in the Wi-Fi, waiting to suck out one's soul at a moment's notice, but it would be truly ironic if it turned out to be God's hiding place rather than Richard E. Grant's.

Hymn books are notoriously hard to read. In earlier times one might have relied on rote-learning hymns, but waning piety makes printed guides more important than ever, and pinch-to-zoom a valuable addition for those eager to better embrace the Lord's teachings - as well as those just trying to work out how much longer till they can get to the pub. ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Don't wait for that big iPad, order a NEXUS 9 instead, industry little bird says
Google said to debut next big slab, Android L ahead of Apple event
Netscape Navigator - the browser that started it all - turns 20
It was 20 years ago today, Marc Andreeesen taught the band to play
A drone of one's own: Reg buyers' guide for UAV fanciers
Hardware: Check. Software: Huh? Licence: Licence...?
Jaguar Sportbrake: The chicken tikka masala of van-sized posh cars
Indian-owned Jag's latest offering curries favour with us
The Apple launch AS IT HAPPENED: Totally SERIOUS coverage, not for haters
Fandroids, Windows Phone fringe-oids – you wouldn't understand
Apple SILENCES Bose, YANKS headphones from stores
The, er, Beats go on after noise-cancelling spat
Here's your chance to buy an ancient, working APPLE ONE
Warning: Likely to cost a lot even for a Mac
Xiaomi boss snaps back at Jony Ive's iPhone rival 'theft' swipe
I'll have a handset delivered. Judge us after you try us...
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.