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Strategic SIEGE ROBOTS defeated by 'heavily intoxicated' man, 62

Epic battle in Ohio: Fall of the Machines™

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In yet another sign of the continued supremacy - for the moment at least - of humanity over its machines, reports are coming in that a duo of powerful police robots has been bested in combat by an elderly American man who was "heavily intoxicated" at the time after the "strategic" enforcement machines attempted to storm his dwelling.

According to a report by the local Portsmouth Daily Times, last weekend cops in the town of Waverly, Ohio, responded to an incident in which a "heavily armed" 62-year-old resident had fired a shot and threatened other people, though apparently none were hurt.

The situation was evidently deemed extremely serious by the human cops at the scene and the law-enforcement chain of command, as it resulted in the deployment of a high level unit named "Strategic Response", which arrived in Waverly bringing at least two robots intended for use in major siege operations. The Times specifies that "several residences had to be evacuated" before senior commanders dared to unleash the strategic siege machines against the elderly but apparently impressively equipped suspect.

Details on the plainly mighty and terrifying mechanoids aren't forthcoming, but it appears that the smaller of the two machines described - doubtless after inflicting a certain amount of unavoidable collateral damage to the building and surrounding area as it gained access - succeeded in penetrating to a bedroom in which the plucky oldster had decided to make his last stand.

However this robot proved unable to make the collar, and the larger of the two strategic droids was sent in to assist.

Even this still more potent siege engine, however, was held off as the gutsy human peppered it with a withering hail of gunfire from a "small calibre pistol" - conceivably an ultramodern high powered armour-piercing weapon of some type, judging by the effects it evidently had* and its later description by the police as "dangerous ordnance". Only once a human team of Strategic Response operatives came to the aid of the embattled robots was the obstreperous fleshy finally overpowered.

There were no reports of any injuries to the Strategic Response personnel, an indication that they may have been clad in armoured mobile suits of some kind. Their defeated opponent, stripped of his panoply of equipment, was rushed to hospital with "health issues" after the battle ended.

Police spokesmen stated that once the man's immediate medical problems had been dealt with his mental health would be evaluated. He has reportedly been charged with possession of "dangerous ordnance" and "vandalism of government property" among other offences. Cops stated that he had been "heavily intoxicated" while battling the Strategic Response forces, making his determined resistance all the more impressive.

As regular readers will know, America's robot police have in recent times suffered several defeats at the hands of fleshy opponents. One law-machine was forced to retreat after being riddled with bullets by a naked man with an AK47 in Florida: another required several months in the repair shop after being blasted repeatedly with a shotgun by a testy Nebraska resident. Yet another tin cop was bested in hand-to-hand combat by a man in Connecticut, who then hurled the defeated robot through a door. (See below for details of these and other tales of automated policing.)

It would appear that the Rise of the Machines may be on hold.

Read the searing Portsmouth Daily Times report here. ®

*For instance the Heckler and Koch MP7 "Personal Defence Weapon" as issued to the British Ministry of Defence police, who selected it for its performance in penetrating heavy body armour. The MP7, essentially a collapsible automatic carbine, fires specially developed small calibre high-penetration steel projectiles rather than conventional bullets.

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