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'Why can't we say we're happy to be RIMmed on a daily basis?'

Plus: 'Keep hairdryer four, five inches from the iPhone'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Quotw Deflating news reached El Reg's headline writers this week in the form of RIM's name change to BlackBerry. Of course, it also launched two new phones running its QNX-powered smartphone operating system: BlackBerry OS 10.

Reg reader SouthPacificPom noted this may be the end of snigger-worthy puns: "This is a sad day indeed. Another company showing its politically correct nature, not wanting to offend its userbase. Why can't its users stand proud and pronounce that they are happy to be RIMmed on a daily basis?"

But hope remains! The official memo from the Canadian company declared it wouldn't change its legal name until the AGM mid-year, which means we can make RIM shots until July or thereabouts - and SEO be damned. The smartmobe biz stated:

The legal name of the company is not changing and the Company will do business as BlackBerry until shareholders vote for the official change at the Company's Annual General Meeting later this year.

Its ticker on the NASDAQ and the Toronto Stock Exchange will change to BBRY and BB respectively on 4 February.

Meanwhile, Apple still managed to dominate the week: the company was talked about, its products were blow-dried, its history was acted out and it dished out a weak, ineffective cuff to Samsung in the courtroom.

The interminable patent slap-fight between Apple and Samsung went a few more rounds during the week. US Judge Lucy Koh, who seems as sick and tired of all the IP-bitching as she can possibly get, issued a flurry of rulings that amounted to telling both firms to put up with things the way they are. She refused to triple Apple's $1.05bn damages from Sammy:

Given that Apple has not clearly shown how it has in fact been under-compensated for the losses it has suffered due to Samsung's dilution of its trade dress, this court, in its discretion, does not find a damages enhancement to be appropriate.

But then she also refused both companies' attempts to start a new trial. Meanwhile, on home turf, Samsung was trying to get its hands on Apple's iOS 6 source code, in a move the fruity firm labelled "ridiculous" and "insane". The shocked company's lawyers, so unused to anything resembling dirty tactics, whined:

It doesn't make any sense. Samsung is saying that we should give up our most important data.

In keeping with its magnanimous, hipster, not at all corporate (except when being corporate is kinda cool) image, Apple published its latest labour report on workers at its Chinese suppliers, featuring 106 cases of underage employees.

One supplier in particular, Guangdong Real Faith Pingzhou Electronics (PZ), with which Apple says it has now broken off dealings, was contributing to that figure. The report said:

Our auditors were dismayed to discover 74 cases of workers under age 16 — a core violation of our Code of Conduct. As a result, we terminated our business relationship with PZ.

In other Apple-related news, Ashton Kutcher has revealed how he was "terrified" during his method acting preparation to play Steve Jobs in jOBS. To really get inside the head of the bespectacled guru, Kutcher decided to follow one of his fruitarian diets. According to biographer Walter Isaacson, Jobs happily ate just one food for weeks on end. Kutcher was not so lucky:

It was honestly one of the most terrifying things I've ever tried to do in my life.

I was like doubled over in pain, and my pancreas levels were completely out of whack, which was completely terrifying, considering everything.

The actor lasted just two days feasting from the Jobsian menu. The movie, which premiered last week at the Sundance Film Festival, has received mixed reviews, at best.

Some fanbois were feeling let down by Apple's iOS 6 update this week, since it didn't take care of a greyed-out Wi-Fi toggle bug. The owners of functioning iPhone 4s, iPhone 4Ss and 3 models have found their Wi-Fi command button greyed out after updating to iOS 6.1. New iPhone 5 owners were simply unable to turn it on. Thousands of iPhone users have hit the forums to complain about the problem, which wasn't fixed in the update.

However, some fanbois have offered their own tips on how to sort their disconnected fondle-mobes, with one suggesting a heat fix, aiming the hairdryer at a specific spot on the phone, with specific instructions:

This is a general idea of where you should be aiming your hairdryer (the yellow highlighter). Its best to avoid the red x area because this is the battery. Keep hairdryer four, five inches from the phone or higher as you wish, the hot air will still reach. Let the phone completely cool down before you start using it.

Surprisingly, it has apparently worked for some, which is great, but you have to ask, how did the commenter discover that this would work? ®

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