Huddled immigrant masses face 'British values' quiz
Never mind the bo**ocks, here's the new UK citizenship test
Foreigners wishing to obtain a British passport will henceforth face a revamped citizenship test which "focuses on values and principles at the heart of being British".
According  the BBC, the Home Office has dispensed with nonsense such as "information about water meters, how to find train timetables and using the internet". Instead, a new handbook designed to set wannabe Brits on the path to enlightenment ahead of their obligatory 45-minute exam highlights core values with posers such as: "What is the name of the admiral who died in a sea battle in 1805 and has a monument in Trafalgar Square, London?"
Other questions  likely to pop up are: "What flower is traditionally worn by people on Remembrance Day?"; "The second largest party in the House of Commons is usually known by what name?"; and "From what age can you be asked to serve on a jury?"
Immigration minister Mark Harper declared: "The new book rightly focuses on values and principles at the heart of being British. Instead of telling people how to claim benefits it encourages participation in British life."
Unsurprisingly, opinion on the "radical" overhaul is divided. Don Flynn, head honcho at the Migrants' Rights Network, described it as "a big step backwards from the concerns with integration which the government is supposed to have in this area" and "more like an entry examination for an elite public school".
Speaking for the opposition, meanwhile, Labour's Chris Bryant used the announcement as an opportunity for the inevitable pop at Home Secretary Theresa May, who he reckons "should be focusing on fixing the big problems in her department not wasting time on rewriting the citizenship test".
MigrationWatch UK's Alp Mehmet, though, thinks the government is spot on with the "underlying principle and thought process" behind the move.
Red-top The Sun seems equally happy  with the new test, and has suggested a few questions of its own. These include "What should you never mind if you're a Sex Pistols fan?", and it's fair to say that if citizenship hopefuls can't answer that testicular teaser, or are unaware that Brian is a "very naughty boy", then there's no place for them in this scepter'd isle. ®
We're sure readers can come up with their own questions highlighting the "values and principles" of Britishness. Our suggestion is: "At which supermarket chain can you get 24 cans of superstrength fighting lager for a fiver?"