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Girl gang targets Microsoft's Seattle stores for $5,000 theft spree

Sounds like a job for the Rain City Superhero Movement

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Seattle police are on the lookout for a group of female thieves who are targeting Microsoft retail stores on its home turf.

The police report says that the gang, which consists of six women and a man, have so far stuck five times in the last two months, Q13 Fox reports. So far they've stolen an estimated $5,000 in purloined goods from Microsoft stores located at 2624 Northeast University Village Street and 116 Bellevue Square in Seattle.

Described as between 20 and 45, the team wears heavy coats and sweep through stores in coordinated actions. Based on Microsoft pricing, the septet of shifty shoplifters could have snaffled 10 base-specification Surface fondleslabs (we're assuming they're not repaying tax in a fit of remorse later) or a few hundred of Microsoft's Touch Covers.

Anyone with knowledge of the events should call Detective Davidson at (206) 684-4593, but it's unlikely we're dealing with master criminals here. If they were smart, they'd have waited until the $999 Windows Pro tablets come out next year and got a much higher return for their recidivism.

Nevertheless, if there is some kind of master criminal out there then it could be a job for Seattle's own band of nutters costumed crimefighters, the Rain City Superhero Movement, led by El Reg reader's favorite Phoenix Jones.

Seattle superhero Phoenix Jones

Jones unmasked at a court appearance for four charges of assault (later dropped)

The group occasionally stalks the mean streets of Seattle fighting crime, with various degrees of success. It hosts a menagerie of exotic members, such as Green Reaper, The Mantis, a rather-unimaginatively entitled No Name, Thunder 88, Karma (who may or may not be a bitch), Red Dragon, and El Caballero.

El Caballero, Midnightjack, and Jones claim to have foiled a plan to blow up the city courthouse on May Day by members of the anarchist collective Black Bloc. After alerting the police to the plot, and receiving no response, the trio took it upon themselves to defend the building against a claimed 60 protestors.

"I got hit with a little of the pepper bomb, so we went back-to-back to make sure they couldn't circle us. Once we went back-to-back, we went in front of the door. I was like this and Jack was on my back. We just stood there basically and made sure no one came in," he told WSBT.

So far, Seattle's second-finest claim to have stopped drunk drivers from getting behind the wheel, chased down and aided in the apprehension of a sex-offender, and helped drivers of stranded vehicles. One has to wonder what said drivers thought when a bunch of people in costume approached their vehicles.

Nevertheless, while there's a crime in Seattle, Phoenix Jones and his crew might be on it. Somehow we doubt Redmond's security team is holding its breath. ®

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

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