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Archaeologists uncover 'Unicorn's lair'

Pyongyang's claims to rule Korea ride on legendary King's one-horned steed

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The lair of a unicorn ridden by King Tongmyong, one of many monarchs from Korea's Koryo Kingdom, has been found, according to the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), the state-run agency of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Lest you doubt the report, know that the KCNA's Introduction page tells us the agency "speaks for the Workers' Party of Korea" and "is in charge of uniform delivery of news and other informations to mass media of the country, including newspapers and radios."

The agency also "develops the friendly and cooperative relations with foreign news agencies," a statement not a million miles away from Reuters' statement it is "the world’s leading source of intelligent information for businesses and professionals."

On that basis we're happy to cautiously report that the KCNA says "Archaeologists of the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences have recently reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn rode ... located 200 meters from the Yongmyong Temple in Moran Hill in Pyongyang City."

The scientists reportedly unearthed "A rectangular rock carved with words 'Unicorn Lair' ... in front of the lair."

The report goes on to say "The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392)."

And there lies the sting in the horn, as the dynasty that ruled that kingdom united Korea. The KCNA's report goes on to say "The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom."

Google and Bing both lack a propaganda-to-English translation engine, but we're pretty sure that last quote means "The fact there's a unicorn lair in Pyongyang and the fact Korea was unified when it was built means we're legit, have some kind of unifying destiny and the south should hand us the keys to the country ASAP."

All of which would be almost funny, were it not for the fact the North has also announced it is about to test a new missile, an unwelcome act of belligerence timed to make South Korea squirm during national elections. ®

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