Feeds

Boffin claims Bigfoot DNA reveals BESTIAL BONKING

Did primate-human mating beget Sasquatch?

The next step in data security

An American scientist is claiming DNA samples reportedly taken from Bigfoot show the beast is a product of mating between female humans and an undiscovered primate.

Dr. Melba Ketchum has undergone a five-year examination of North American Sasquatch samples, and told The Register that she had discovered that the non-human samples contain mitochondrial DNA that matches that of modern humans, with its nuclear DNA indicating the creature was a newly discovered form of hominid.

"Sasquatch nuclear DNA is incredibly novel and not at all what we had expected. While it has human nuclear DNA within its genome, there are also distinctly non-human, non-archaic hominin, and non-ape sequences. We describe it as a mosaic of human and novel non-human sequence," she said.

The team sequenced 20 whole mitochondrial genomes and three whole nuclear genomes from the samples, which team leader Dr. Ketchum said came from researchers tracking Bigfoot. Some of the samples were "quite scientific" she said, and came with pictures of the creature that the samples apparently came from.

"Four other university laboratories have tested the samples prior to this study and they all found human DNA, so they all made the assumption that the samples were contaminated," Dr. Ketchum told El Reg. "That's why we took a forensic approach, going to two different laboratories and testing two different ways and we were very careful to avoid contamination.

By examining the samples the team postulates that the Bigfoot was the product of a union between a human female and a form of primate around 15,000 years ago. This would make it a relatively recent offshoot of the human family tree, but one that Ketchum said we should recognize.

"Genetically, the Sasquatch are a human hybrid with unambiguously modern human maternal ancestry. Government at all levels must recognize them as an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical and cultural differences a 'license' to hunt, trap, or kill them," she said.

The paper reviewing the samples is currently under peer review, and the team hadn't intended to make the news public beforehand, but Dr. Ketchum explained that one of the Russian team had let the news slip. Hopefully the full results will be published soon.

El Reg awaits it with interest. While it's easy to chortle at such stories, the scientific method demands that disbelief be suspended until peers have reviews and retested. Maybe it is possible that someone had the one-night stand from hell and we ended up with a near relative – but great claims demand great evidence. ®

New hybrid storage solutions

More from The Register

next story
PORTAL TO ELSEWHERE scried in small galaxy far, far away
Supermassive black hole dominates titchy star formation
Bacon-related medical breakthrough wins Ig Nobel prize
Is there ANYTHING cured pork can't do?
Boffins say they've got Lithium batteries the wrong way around
Surprises at the nano-scale mean our ideas about how they charge could be all wrong
Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight
Our US allies to probe potential Vulture 2 servo freeze
Europe prepares to INVADE comet: Rosetta landing site chosen
No word yet on whether backup site is labelled 'K'
Stray positrons caught on ISS hint at DARK MATTER source
Landlubber scope-gazers squint to horizons and see anti-electron count surge
Cracked it - Vulture 2 power podule fires servos for 4 HOURS
Pixhawk avionics juice issue sorted, onwards to Spaceport America
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.