Feeds

Boffin claims Bigfoot DNA reveals BESTIAL BONKING

Did primate-human mating beget Sasquatch?

High performance access to file storage

An American scientist is claiming DNA samples reportedly taken from Bigfoot show the beast is a product of mating between female humans and an undiscovered primate.

Dr. Melba Ketchum has undergone a five-year examination of North American Sasquatch samples, and told The Register that she had discovered that the non-human samples contain mitochondrial DNA that matches that of modern humans, with its nuclear DNA indicating the creature was a newly discovered form of hominid.

"Sasquatch nuclear DNA is incredibly novel and not at all what we had expected. While it has human nuclear DNA within its genome, there are also distinctly non-human, non-archaic hominin, and non-ape sequences. We describe it as a mosaic of human and novel non-human sequence," she said.

The team sequenced 20 whole mitochondrial genomes and three whole nuclear genomes from the samples, which team leader Dr. Ketchum said came from researchers tracking Bigfoot. Some of the samples were "quite scientific" she said, and came with pictures of the creature that the samples apparently came from.

"Four other university laboratories have tested the samples prior to this study and they all found human DNA, so they all made the assumption that the samples were contaminated," Dr. Ketchum told El Reg. "That's why we took a forensic approach, going to two different laboratories and testing two different ways and we were very careful to avoid contamination.

By examining the samples the team postulates that the Bigfoot was the product of a union between a human female and a form of primate around 15,000 years ago. This would make it a relatively recent offshoot of the human family tree, but one that Ketchum said we should recognize.

"Genetically, the Sasquatch are a human hybrid with unambiguously modern human maternal ancestry. Government at all levels must recognize them as an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical and cultural differences a 'license' to hunt, trap, or kill them," she said.

The paper reviewing the samples is currently under peer review, and the team hadn't intended to make the news public beforehand, but Dr. Ketchum explained that one of the Russian team had let the news slip. Hopefully the full results will be published soon.

El Reg awaits it with interest. While it's easy to chortle at such stories, the scientific method demands that disbelief be suspended until peers have reviews and retested. Maybe it is possible that someone had the one-night stand from hell and we ended up with a near relative – but great claims demand great evidence. ®

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Elon Musk's LEAKY THRUSTER gas stalls Space Station supply run
Helium seeps from Falcon 9 first stage, delays new legs for NASA robonaut
Solar-powered aircraft unveiled for round-the-world flight
It's going to be a slow and sleepy flight for the pilots
Russian deputy PM: 'We are coming to the Moon FOREVER'
Plans to annex Earth's satellite with permanent base by 2030
LOHAN's Punch and Judy show relaunches Thursday
Weather looking good for second pop at test flights
New FEMTO-MOON sighted BIRTHING from Saturn's RING
Icy 'Peggy' looks to be leaving the outer rings
KILLER SPONGES menacing California coastline
Surfers are safe, crustaceans less so
Discovery time for 200m WONDER MATERIALS shaved from 4 MILLENNIA... to 4 years
Alloy, Alloy: Boffins in speed-classification breakthrough
Curiosity finds not-very-Australian-shaped rock on Mars
File under 'messianic pastries' and move on, people
Top Secret US payload launched into space successfully
Clandestine NRO spacecraft sets off on its unknown mission
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
HP ArcSight ESM solution helps Finansbank
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.