Feeds

Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

Battle of the Bulges: Germans in boudoir boob blitzkrieg

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

A German woman is up in court on a charge of "attempted manslaughter with a weapon", after allegedly trying to smother her boyfriend with her ample 38DD assets.

Lawyer Tim Schmidt, 30, claims 33-year-old Franziska Hansen forced his head into her voluminous top-hamper while they were making the beast with two backs back in May in the town of Unna.

"She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts," Schmidt told the court. "Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed me between her breasts with all of her force. I couldn't breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn't tear myself free and I thought I was going to die."

Schmidt added that he managed to escape the Ride of the Valkyrie, and fled naked to a neighbour's house, from where he called the cops.

Regarding a motive for the bazonga blitzkrieg, Hansen was apparently jealous of her other half's successful law career while she "struggled to adapt to life and failed to hold down a string of jobs".

She has denied the charge, and insists the whole thing was a sex game that went wrong and Schmidt panicked.

However, her defence has not been strengthened by a phone call she allegedly made to Schmidt, during which she explained her choice of weapons by telling him: "Treasure - I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible." ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.