Feeds

Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

Battle of the Bulges: Germans in boudoir boob blitzkrieg

Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction

A German woman is up in court on a charge of "attempted manslaughter with a weapon", after allegedly trying to smother her boyfriend with her ample 38DD assets.

Lawyer Tim Schmidt, 30, claims 33-year-old Franziska Hansen forced his head into her voluminous top-hamper while they were making the beast with two backs back in May in the town of Unna.

"She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts," Schmidt told the court. "Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed me between her breasts with all of her force. I couldn't breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn't tear myself free and I thought I was going to die."

Schmidt added that he managed to escape the Ride of the Valkyrie, and fled naked to a neighbour's house, from where he called the cops.

Regarding a motive for the bazonga blitzkrieg, Hansen was apparently jealous of her other half's successful law career while she "struggled to adapt to life and failed to hold down a string of jobs".

She has denied the charge, and insists the whole thing was a sex game that went wrong and Schmidt panicked.

However, her defence has not been strengthened by a phone call she allegedly made to Schmidt, during which she explained her choice of weapons by telling him: "Treasure - I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible." ®

Top three mobile application threats

More from The Register

next story
Och aye! It's the Loch Ness Monster – but only Apple fanbois can see it
Fondleslab-friendly beastie's wake spotted... OR WAS IT?
Japanese boffin EYES up big bucks with strap-on digi-glasses
AgencyGlass saddles user with creepy OLED display
Sleuths find nosy NORKS drones on the Chinternet
UAVs likely to have been made in the Middle Kingdom
Pirate Bay's 10 millionth upload: Colour us shocked, a SMUT FLICK
P2P badboys show online piracy is alive and humping
Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise
Not exactly attractive to the Israeli tourist demographic
Dorian Nakamoto gets $23,000 payout over Bitcoin invention saga
Maintains he didn't create cryptocurrency, but will join community
Teen girl arrested with 70-year-old man's four inch weapon inside her
Charged with introducing .22 snubbie to penile facility. It wasn't firing blanks
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.