Feeds

US condom rules 'will cause nasty RED RINGS on porn stars' todgers'

'Typical' smut stud too well equipped to wear FDA rubbers

Security for virtualized datacentres

City of Angels porn actors will in future be required to sport condoms for their performances after Los Angeles County voters gave the thumbs up to the "Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry Act", aka "Measure B".

The act was proposed to prevent "thousands of performers contracting preventable sexually transmitted infections, including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, hepatitis, and HIV", as a result of not slipping on a rubber.

That's all well and good, but according to UK "Condom Revolutionary" Joe Nelson, of custom johnny purveyor TheyFit.com, Measure B simply doesn't measure up in the trouser department.

He notes that the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) requires condoms to be at least 170mm (6.6in) in length, with a nominal width of 47-57mm - that's the width at the opening when laid flat, not to be confused with the diameter of the French letter when, er, in use.

At the maximum width, the condom will have a circumference of 114mm. Nelson explains: "Now, for a comfortable fit you want a maximum latex stretch of 25 per cent - anything more and you start to get a nasty red ring in the flesh as the latex 'cuts in'."

Since 114mm x 1.25 = 142.5mm, if you're packing a todger girth of more than 142.5mm, it's "game over for comfort and pleasure".

Nelson claims the "typical" porn star swells to 180mm of girth - requiring a nominal width of 64-69mm - so you can see the FDA-approved dimensions are seriously going to cramp the smut hunk's style.

A quick shufti online reveals that stateside grumble-flick artists can buy products such as the Durex XXL, which boasts a truly equine 228.6mm length, but a width of just 54mm. Alternatively, there's the Trojan Supra, 200mm in length, and which appears to be non-FDA compliant with a width of 58mm.

British studs, on the other hand, can readily obtain protection suitably sized for their impressive engorgements, but it's illegal to import these into the US.

Evidently, Los Angeles County voters were unaware of just how genuinely restricting Measure B's restrictions will prove. It remains to be seen just how much of a squeeze the law will put on LA's porn industry. ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.