LONDON iPHONE 5 MADNESS: 'You must be CRAZY to buy Apple'
High-fiving shoppers spark bewilderment from normal folk
Giggling Apple fanbois queuing for the new iPhone 5 in London gave Apple Store staff high-fives as a man bellowed at them: "Are you mad?!" The bewildering scene marked the start of another Apple iThing launch, and another day of eyebrow-raising antics on the streets of London and beyond.
"Why are you shouting 'iPhone 5 iPhone 5'?" bellowed the man as blue-shirted store workers yelled "iPhone 5! iPhone 5!" while running up and down the line of punters waiting to buy the new iOS 6 smartphone from Apple's Regent Street store.
"Are you mad?" the bloke exploded again at them as they jogged past clapping their hands above their heads and slapping palms with the eager fanbois. "Would you sell the iPhone if you weren't getting paid to do it?" he added.
"Yes," said one store worker. And the hyped up Cupertino cultists continued jogging back and forth, shouting, applauding and high-fiving everyone. (Nobody tell that to John Browett, Apple's new cost-cutting head of retail ops.)
HIGH FIVE! HIGH FIVE!
A protester with a megaphone turned the mood a little sour at the back of the iPhone 5 queue, which curled around Hanover Square in Blighty's capital city, by trolling hundreds of shoppers with an appeal for the factory wage slaves who built the shiny new mobe.
The iPhone queue round the back of the first corner in Regent Street, London
The crowd initially responded to jibes about Samsung from Danny the megaphone man, but the hordes fell silent as he got onto the subjects of Apple's corporate dominance and labour rights and the iPhone supply chain.
"China has a one child policy," he shouted to the crowd, "which is a problem because we need as many Chinese people as possible, to assemble iPhone 5s."
Danny, who runs the Youtube channel Spiritual Entertainer, told us that he liked to address groups of people as part of an art project.
The madness only continued further up.
Next page: "I want it NOW!", fangirl shrieks
It would do a lot to restore my extremely low opinion of the human race....
....if one of those people in the queue had a little lightbulb moment, looked at themself, looked around, and then just said "what the f**k am I doing!?!"
Because if you make people feel good about doing something stupid, they will think that it's not a stupid thing to do.
The Milgram experiment basically tells us this, too. If you lined up enough people who *were* enthusiastic about electrocuting people, or whatever else, then enough people would cheer and wave their arms to join the ranks of those encouraging without question and so propagate such actions.
If you could go into a newsagents with a grumpy man behind the counter who doesn't talk, or one where they know your name, talk about your family, smile when they see you, etc. then you're more likely (on average) to choose the smiley shop in future (even if they are ripping you off in comparison). This is just the same phenomenon on a larger scale.
Why do you think Apple have paid for those people to line up inside the store cheering you, and high-fiving? Because it makes some people feel better about something instead of thinking it through. And, yes, of course some of those idiots would do it unpaid too - hell, most Justin Bieber fans would happily work security for him for free if you asked them to as well. But not forever. And not if the iPhone 5 actually turns out to be a bit of a stinker of a product.
That little black monolith isn't enough to keep them quiet, they will ooze smugness and sadness. Not to mention the same sad pathetic misfits in the queue, have real jobs where they might / will / could actually be responsible for proper things, like health care, roads, military stuff. Things we the normal people actually do need and can't have entrusted to gullible stupid morons that high five in public.
What we should be doing is photographing them and making sure they are not near anything "live", "dangerous" or "required" for the next 12 months, the little black monolith should mean they are taken out of society if it was bought while in a queue outside an apple store.