Feeds

Global strategic maple syrup reserves hit in Canadian mega-heist

How long until US troops are sent in to ensure supplies?

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

Commodity markets worldwide and pancake-gobbling North Americans have been left reeling by the news of an audacious theft which may have seen as much as five thousand tons of maple syrup burgled from planet Earth's "global strategic reserve" of the sticky gunge.

A searing announcement from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers revealed the facts to an astonished world late last week. The largely Francophone Canadian province is responsible for as much as 80 per cent of world maple syrup production, and fully two-thirds of Canada's output is exported to feed the insatiable demands of pancake-noshing breakfasters in the Dominion's vast southern neighbour.

According to the FQMSP:

The Federation is currently evaluating the scope of the situation. The empty barrels found on site suggest that their contents had been emptied into other containers in view of illegal distribution. In total, the burglarized warehouse held over 10 million pounds of maple syrup amounting to over 30 million dollars in value.

The marketing of the stolen maple syrup will affect the entire maple industry. It is crucial to identify those responsible for this crime.

In addition, several American states saw a very low, indeed catastrophic, harvest during the 2012 season. The Quebec harvest, however, remained normal. The Federation`s maple syrup inventories supply markets during periods of weaker harvests and can, therefore, be considered a global strategic reserve.

Unless the mysterious syrup pirates can be brought to justice and their sticky haul reclaimed, the prospect would seem to exist of a crisis in the global pancake-topping supply.

Few readers will need reminding what can happen when American businesses and consumers urgently need a commodity from overseas, and there appears to be a prospect of that commodity either not being supplied or being supplied at a massively elevated price.

Yes, that's right. It would seem now only a matter of time until the colossus to the south turns hungry eyes on the remaining, strictly limited supplies of maple syrup in the other Quebecois strategic-reserve locations. US troops returning from the Wars on Stuff may yet find that their fighting days are not over yet, as they are despatched to Canada - with or without the consent of the locals - to ensure that the supply of sticky gold continues to flow uninterrupted onto the breakfast plates back home in the USA. ®

Build a business case: developing custom apps

More from The Register

next story
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
7 Elements of Radically Simple OS Migration
Avoid the typical headaches of OS migration during your next project by learning about 7 elements of radically simple OS migration.
BYOD's dark side: Data protection
An endpoint data protection solution that adds value to the user and the organization so it can protect itself from data loss as well as leverage corporate data.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?