While Hitman draws upon several elements of the game and certainly packs a punch in terms of action, the film itself is bland and generic. Saying that, if mindless films full of blood, smut and explosions are up your street (of course they are) you'll probably find enough in Hitman to keep the eyes propped open.
Agent 47 does show far more emotion in the film than his complete lack of it in the game, but still retains the level of cold-heartedness required to be a successful assassin. And while it's no Oscar performance, Timothy Olyphant takes to the role rather well. Hitman still falls into the category of catastrophic, but as initial expectations were at rock bottom due to the nature of video game movies, I was marginally surprised to find that I made it through the film without snoring.
Boll-buster Rating 60%
More info IMDB
Max Payne (2008)
Being such an avid Max Payne fan meant that despite already knowing this film wouldn't cut the mustard, there was no way I'd give it a miss and even spent my hard-earned to see it at the cinema. Following that experience, I swore never to visit the flicks again to see a video game adaptation.
Michael Madsen was the obvious choice to play the bitter detective and while the Reservoir Dogs star may not have even auditioned, casting Marky Mark Wahlberg in his place was an abysmal decision. With Sam Lake – author of the video game – overlooked in favour of Beau Thorne for screenplay duties too, it was predictable this would be a complete disaster.
Terrible script, weird unforgivable 'supernatural' storyline and absolutely none of the noir-esque essence of the game was evident at all. Not even any John Woo-style action scenes for that matter. I felt sick without Remedy.
Boll-buster Rating 70%
More info IMDB
Next page: Resident Evil (2002)
They wanted to do that, but it was blocked repeatedly.
I actually like the RE films, they are a bit of fun to watch if you totally ignore the actual RE part of it and just take it as a zombie shooter style movie. Of course, seeing Milla Jovovich naked makes the film totally perfect and devoid of any criticism ever. Indeed, if you have the worst movie in the world ever (as voted for by El Reg users) the films become instant classics if you have Milla Jovovich naked at the end.
Hell, even Twilight would become watchable if you had Milla Jovovich naked in it (albeit for the 5-10 seconds she appears).
I kinda liked...
Hitman and Resident Evil. Though I think the saving grace was I never played the games in the first place.
BTW, the biggest turd is missing from the list: Wing Commander. Boy was that a space dump.
Criminally left out
What about Liam Neeson in Tekken?
Re: Criminally left out
Why not? He has no problem appearing in the A-Team or Battleship. I think if you offered him enough cash he would appear in 'Pong: The Movie'.