Feeds

IT support bod? Whatever you earn, it's not enough

Betwixt chair and keyboard sits the problem of which you speak

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Certifiable behaviour

I want to scream: 'I'm a highly qualified, certified expert in Adobe software! Stop asking me IT stuff I don't know the answers to!' By the afternoon, I find myself simply staring in stony silence at one user who has forgotten how to scroll from the top half of a document to the bottom half (he claims that his Mac at home doesn't need to do such a thing), and when someone asks me to plug the power cable into the back of his display because it has just fallen out, I sense myself close to committing an act of physical violence.

Confused computer keyboard

I suspect I’m not really cut out for IT support. Big respect to those of you who do it for a living. I feel shame for all the daft things I've probably said to you at all the companies I have ever worked for. Whatever you earn, it's not enough.

But the dickhead of the day award went to a user who complained that 'the system' was producing erroneous documents. As per standard practice, I ask him to repeat the steps that led to the problem, while I watch over his shoulder. All goes well up to the point at which he allows 'the system' to auto-generate the file, and I say: 'OK, let's have a look at it.'

'No,' he replies curtly. 'I don't have time for that. I'm too busy.' Well, hang on, I'm not asking him to proofread every copy of some prissy mailmerge going to a million unlucky householders. I'm suggesting he takes a moment to check one of merely a handful of highly complex and commercially sensitive documents. If it's wrong, it could cost the company tens of thousands of pounds. How can he casually send it off without even a cursory peek?

His answer still echoes through my head: 'The computer is supposed to do that.'

Hopefully, the user found my reply equally memorable. I confess I may have allowed myself to indulge in faint sarcasm, as I recommended that he keep his eyes closed while typing – it would only waste his valuable time to use his eyes and the computer really ought to get his keystrokes right anyway – and I offered to remove his display in order to save himself the time and trouble of looking at it.

Kitten on the run

At that moment, all around the country, thousands of kittens were massacred and dads swerved into random people’s front drives. ®

Alistair DabbsAlistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling IT journalism, editorial training and digital publishing. He has sold his soul to small publishers while maintaining his street cred working for big corporations, and is currently developing new ways to tabletise the Sidebar of Shame.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
ONE MILLION people already running Windows 10
A third of them are doing it in VMs, but early feedback focuses on frippery
Sign off my IT project or I’ll PHONE your MUM
Honestly, it’s a piece of piss
Netscape Navigator - the browser that started it all - turns 20
It was 20 years ago today, Marc Andreeesen taught the band to play
Torvalds CONFESSES: 'I'm pretty good at alienating devs'
Admits to 'a metric ****load' of mistakes during work with Linux collaborators
Sway: Microsoft's new Office app doesn't have an Undo function
Content aggregation, meet the workplace ... oh
Do Moan! MONSTER 6-day EMAIL OUTAGE hits Domain Monster
Customers freaked out by frightful service
Ploppr: The #VultureTRENDING App of the Now
This organic crowd sourced viro- social fertiliser just got REAL
Return of the Jedi – Apache reclaims web server crown
.london, .hamburg and .公司 - that's .com in Chinese - storm the web server charts
NetWare sales revive in China thanks to that man Snowden
If it ain't Microsoft, it's in fashion behind the Great Firewall
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.