'Giant vampire squid' seeks social media guru
Money talks, Goldman Sachs tweets
Goldman Sachs, the bank described as a "giant vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity", is looking for a social media community manager. The role of the job, as the title suggests, will be to "foster a positive community".
A third of the time will be spent devleoping community strategy, and 60 per cent will involve "listening and reporting" using "social listening tools". Who wouldn't want to be on the end of that particular pipe of Web2.0rhea?
The job description does hint that part of the work will involve "safeguarding social media properties from offensive or off-topic comments".
No salary is mentioned. A former Goldman Sachs manager who recently resigned alleged some of the bank's staff described clients as "muppets", one of which could make a playfully ironic avatar for its tweet-less Twitter feed.
Rolling Stone magazine described the investment bank as "a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money" in 2009; but then you'd be surprised if an investment bank wasn't doing that. Another amusing take on Goldman Sachs by Michael Lewis can be found here. ®
'A third of the time will be spent devleoping community strategy'
And the other two thirds will be spent disseminating the bullshit generated in the first third.
Built in ten percent free time?
So it's one third for "developing community strategy", for whatever it is that, but probably ends up being a thick stack of powerpoint slides saying essentially nothing that anyone can understand and asking in the end to hire some kind of assistant, let's not oneself have to type things himself instead of golfing with other executives.
Then there is sixty percent listening and reporting, which means using your smartphone to read what other people post. Which is essentially irrelevant given that the official Goldman Sachs posture is not to care about what image they project on the rest of the world. And then putting in your wall the digital version of the same communication that PR has already created (which will be pasted by the assistant hired after the above presentation)
Then there is the remaining ten percent of... what? Yeah, doing nothing. Except perhaps hearing your friends and family how bad a person you've become since you started working for Goldman Sachs.
Does not look like a bad job overall.
"Given that Goldman Sachs' junk mortgages are larglely responsible for the state of the global economy today"
That's a wonderful statement. Any evidence? Presumably, therefore, none of the responsibility lies with the people that took out those mortgages that they couldn't afford to repay and that were more than the house was worth? Of course, it is far more comforting to blame the Atlantic recession (I think you'll find the economy is pretty much tickety-boo in most of the rest of the world, thanks) on a couple of "Evil" companies than to accept that people are just greedy and allow their greed to blind them into making stupid choices.