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iPad queue hog doesn’t want it, won’t be first

Sponsored squatter trumped by telcos

The man who queued in the hope of becoming the first person on earth to buy a New iPad doesn't want a new fondleslab and has spent days pavement-surfing in vain.

He just wants the $AUD950 a crowdsourcing service is paying him to queue while wearing one of its logo-emblazoned t-shirts.

According to news.com.au, former truck driver Stephen Parkes thinks fondleslabs are a bit of an indulgence. He’ll therefore stump up the cash and then hand the slab over to the CEO of the crowdsourcing company at the end of his five-day pavement-surfing stint, which thanks to Australia's time zone and the size of Apple's Sydney store meant he'd have stood a very good chance of being the first human to make such a purchase.

But Parkes and the crowdsourcing service will both likely lose out on their attention-seeking goal, as Australia’s Apple stores will open at 8:00 AM local time (9:00PM Thursday GMT). Local telcos have since announced they will open their stores at midnight. Australia’s dominant telco, Telstra, has a flagship store literally across the road from the Apple store where Parkes is queuing. With rain forecast for tonight, Parkes is in for a nasty time.

The USA, Canada, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Japan, Singapore, Switzerland and the UK; along with Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands, will also have new iPad for sale on Friday. ®

Why me?

Why does it have to fall to me, someone who dislikes Apple intensely to have to point out what a load of bullshit your post is?

Even though I dislike Apple I have actually used their devices and to describe them as "poor" and "utterly useless" just because you prefer something else is just facile.

Grow the fuck up.

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Human Garbage

Do we suppose Wilde had any idea how that the future of humanity would consist entirely of variations on "The unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible," each more nauseating than the last.

I guess not. It'd have broken his mind long before that vile little rodent Bosie broke his heart.

It's 2012 and if you don't hate yourself, you aren't paying attention. Our species is loathsome, its cultures vile, and our future deservedly dubious. Let's all pray the end is instantaneous, painless, and tomorrow.

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Re: Human Garbage

A well-written piece, and I can't say that I disagree with your assessment, but I decline to join in with your hopes for tomorrow.

I decided a long time ago that one of the most counter-productive emotions to have is despair, so I resolved to push it aside whenever it showed its face.

I have no hope for an improvement in our species in the short term, but as long as we are still at least toying with the idea that we can move out into space and set up home elsewhere, we might yet do a service to the species we take with us by allowing them the opportunity to spread and evolve further.

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Re: It's like losing your temper, basically....

>>>>Use the word "fanbois" and you have immmediately lost the argument.

But you've just used the word fanboi, so your argument is therefore, by your own definition, bollocks.

Oh, hang on a minute, so have I. Erm, I'm confused now... Who said Jehovah?!

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It's like losing your temper, basically....

Use the word "fanbois" and you have immmediately lost the argument. Because even though you may have a valid point to make, you are clearly an utter wanker and nothin you say can be trusted.

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