Feeds

Molesworth and the New Latin

'Why must we lurn about computa sciense sur? Why?'

Protecting against web application threats using SSL

COMP SCI for all

So much for the good ol days. Now COMP SCI rools, and things are v. diff.

For 1 thing grabber no longer hav lap top. He hav speshal edishun uridium-cased ipad4 with 8 trillion zillion megapixies, fasebook ackount preeloded with 500 frens & a copy of PLARNTS VERSUS ZOMBEES, the good version with Mikal Jaxson still in it.

For anuther thing, COMP SCI is EVEN DULER than ITC, which sa somthing. We also lurn about a lot of computa langs with funy speled names viz PEARL, FOURTH and PROLOGUE. Gilibrand, who is computa nerd, sa this is why they call it 'the new Lat.' e.g. becos we hav to lern a load of ded langwidges.

This a rep. sample of COMP HUMER, chiz chiz.

Yor only hope is to leed the COMP master into a RED HERING.

BEAK: Thees days xamples of IT ar all around us. Can anny boy suggest an xample of IT that is around us?

fone: wompawompawompaBLAMMERAMARAM

BEAK: peason i wont tel you agen. Annybody?

Molesworth: Sir, sir oo oo me sir?

BEAK (suspicishus): Yes wot is it molesworth?

Molesworth (bright urnest voice xprssing the curius yung mind): Why must we lurn about computa sciense sur? Why?

BEAK: So that wen you gro up you can get a job in IT and invent the new googul or mayb...

fone: OooooZOOMAZOOMA blippish!

BEAK: peason bring that fone up hear, you kno you arent aloud them in clarss. And dont mak that sine. Just becos it is o.k. for adele dosnt meen it o.k. for you.

Molesworth (faining keenuss to regain momentom): Oo yessir, so how wil i invent the new googul?

BEAK: Acktuly in yor case, molesworth, i think yor IT job will be of a diffrent charcter. It mor likely you will becum an asistunt to the Cel Gurru who hav table in the market outside mister patels fag shop, and unloks blakbrees for £2.50 a go.

Molesworth: once agen, sir, you out manoover me with yor reddy wit.

Whizz for Atomms

GRATE MOMENTS IN IT HIST: SirTim Burnnersly invents the semantik web at the CERN fasility.

FR SIENTIST UN: Shell we spleet zur atomm agen today?

FR SIENTIST DEUX: Wha nert? It eez fern.

<!-- Enter SirTim, stiking to the XPATH and WISTLING a lite DDT -->

FR SIENTIST UN: Lurk, zere goes SirTeem. SirTeem! SirTeem! Ovair ere! Weell yeur cerm end spleet zur atomm wiz urs?

SirTim: <distrakted>No thank you. I do not <feelbel xcuse>have the time</feelbel xcuse></distrakted>.

FR SIENTIST DEUX: Wah deur yeur alwez spik in zat raydiculers way?

SirTim: <indignunt>It is <emfatik>not</emfatik> ridicewlus. <unsubstanteeated clame>XLM is the <unjustfide super lativ>best</unjustfide super lativ> way to mak the web easy to undnerstand</unsubstanteeated clame></indignunt>

FR SIENTIST DEUX: Tell zat ter zee WATVG ma leetle eenglish pel.

CERN GIANT, hiding in tin of mutant qwarks-on-the-kob: Ho ho ho.

Closing thorts

During my 60 yers at St Custards ther hav been menny changes and needluss to sa 0 for the beter. The desision by so-called wizer heds to drop ICT in faver of COMP SCI i see as anotha blo to the alreddy abysmul ejucashun system. No wonder the nashun is on its knes

And befor they throo WORD in the bin, they mite at leest hav shown us how to werk the spel chekcer. ®

(99999 apols to shaids of Searle and Willans - VS)

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
New 'Cosmos' browser surfs the net by TXT alone
No data plan? No WiFi? No worries ... except sluggish download speed
'Windows 9' LEAK: Microsoft's playing catchup with Linux
Multiple desktops and live tiles in restored Start button star in new vids
iOS 8 release: WebGL now runs everywhere. Hurrah for 3D graphics!
HTML 5's pretty neat ... when your browser supports it
Mathematica hits the Web
Wolfram embraces the cloud, promies private cloud cut of its number-cruncher
Google extends app refund window to two hours
You now have 120 minutes to finish that game instead of 15
Mozilla shutters Labs, tells nobody it's been dead for five months
Staffer's blog reveals all as projects languish on GitHub
SUSE Linux owner Attachmate gobbled by Micro Focus for $2.3bn
Merger will lead to mainframe and COBOL powerhouse
iOS 8 Healthkit gets a bug SO Apple KILLS it. That's real healthcare!
Not fit for purpose on day of launch, says Cupertino
Profitless Twitter: We're looking to raise $1.5... yes, billion
We'll spend the dosh on transactions, biz stuff 'n' sh*t
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.