Feeds

Molesworth and the New Latin

'Why must we lurn about computa sciense sur? Why?'

SANS - Survey on application security programs

COMP SCI for all

So much for the good ol days. Now COMP SCI rools, and things are v. diff.

For 1 thing grabber no longer hav lap top. He hav speshal edishun uridium-cased ipad4 with 8 trillion zillion megapixies, fasebook ackount preeloded with 500 frens & a copy of PLARNTS VERSUS ZOMBEES, the good version with Mikal Jaxson still in it.

For anuther thing, COMP SCI is EVEN DULER than ITC, which sa somthing. We also lurn about a lot of computa langs with funy speled names viz PEARL, FOURTH and PROLOGUE. Gilibrand, who is computa nerd, sa this is why they call it 'the new Lat.' e.g. becos we hav to lern a load of ded langwidges.

This a rep. sample of COMP HUMER, chiz chiz.

Yor only hope is to leed the COMP master into a RED HERING.

BEAK: Thees days xamples of IT ar all around us. Can anny boy suggest an xample of IT that is around us?

fone: wompawompawompaBLAMMERAMARAM

BEAK: peason i wont tel you agen. Annybody?

Molesworth: Sir, sir oo oo me sir?

BEAK (suspicishus): Yes wot is it molesworth?

Molesworth (bright urnest voice xprssing the curius yung mind): Why must we lurn about computa sciense sur? Why?

BEAK: So that wen you gro up you can get a job in IT and invent the new googul or mayb...

fone: OooooZOOMAZOOMA blippish!

BEAK: peason bring that fone up hear, you kno you arent aloud them in clarss. And dont mak that sine. Just becos it is o.k. for adele dosnt meen it o.k. for you.

Molesworth (faining keenuss to regain momentom): Oo yessir, so how wil i invent the new googul?

BEAK: Acktuly in yor case, molesworth, i think yor IT job will be of a diffrent charcter. It mor likely you will becum an asistunt to the Cel Gurru who hav table in the market outside mister patels fag shop, and unloks blakbrees for £2.50 a go.

Molesworth: once agen, sir, you out manoover me with yor reddy wit.

Whizz for Atomms

GRATE MOMENTS IN IT HIST: SirTim Burnnersly invents the semantik web at the CERN fasility.

FR SIENTIST UN: Shell we spleet zur atomm agen today?

FR SIENTIST DEUX: Wha nert? It eez fern.

<!-- Enter SirTim, stiking to the XPATH and WISTLING a lite DDT -->

FR SIENTIST UN: Lurk, zere goes SirTeem. SirTeem! SirTeem! Ovair ere! Weell yeur cerm end spleet zur atomm wiz urs?

SirTim: <distrakted>No thank you. I do not <feelbel xcuse>have the time</feelbel xcuse></distrakted>.

FR SIENTIST DEUX: Wah deur yeur alwez spik in zat raydiculers way?

SirTim: <indignunt>It is <emfatik>not</emfatik> ridicewlus. <unsubstanteeated clame>XLM is the <unjustfide super lativ>best</unjustfide super lativ> way to mak the web easy to undnerstand</unsubstanteeated clame></indignunt>

FR SIENTIST DEUX: Tell zat ter zee WATVG ma leetle eenglish pel.

CERN GIANT, hiding in tin of mutant qwarks-on-the-kob: Ho ho ho.

Closing thorts

During my 60 yers at St Custards ther hav been menny changes and needluss to sa 0 for the beter. The desision by so-called wizer heds to drop ICT in faver of COMP SCI i see as anotha blo to the alreddy abysmul ejucashun system. No wonder the nashun is on its knes

And befor they throo WORD in the bin, they mite at leest hav shown us how to werk the spel chekcer. ®

(99999 apols to shaids of Searle and Willans - VS)

3 Big data security analytics techniques

More from The Register

next story
This time it's 'Personal': new Office 365 sub covers just two devices
Redmond also brings Office into Google's back yard
Oh no, Joe: WinPhone users already griping over 8.1 mega-update
Hang on. Which bit of Developer Preview don't you understand?
Microsoft lobs pre-release Windows Phone 8.1 at devs who dare
App makers can load it before anyone else, but if they do they're stuck with it
Half of Twitter's 'active users' are SILENT STALKERS
Nearly 50% have NEVER tweeted a word
Internet-of-stuff startup dumps NoSQL for ... SQL?
NoSQL taste great at first but lacks proper nutrients, says startup cloud whiz
IRS boss on XP migration: 'Classic fix the airplane while you're flying it attempt'
Plus: Condoleezza Rice at Dropbox 'maybe she can find ... weapons of mass destruction'
Ditch the sync, paddle in the Streem: Upstart offers syncless sharing
Upload, delete and carry on sharing afterwards?
New Facebook phone app allows you to stalk your mates
Nearby Friends feature goes live in a few weeks
Microsoft TIER SMEAR changes app prices whether devs ask or not
Some go up, some go down, Redmond goes silent
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Top three mobile application threats
Learn about three of the top mobile application security threats facing businesses today and recommendations on how to mitigate the risk.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.