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Fondle my slab, baby: Inside the tactile world of Apple-fan iDating

'There are more boys than girls, but it's not a problem'

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Not enough girls? 'Well, there are more than there would be on a Linux dating site'

Thirdly, it will help to be a heterosexual woman. Though Apple may be the most female-friendly of all tech brands ever, the male-female balance tips clearly towards men.

But, as Kintan says, the women who ARE on there are really great.

"Yes we have more men than women, but there are thousands of females on the site, and they're designers and creatives."

And have Apple tattoos and like polar bears - you know the drill.

Still, not everyone is a hipster: these are geeks (of a sort) after all. A (male) user called AppleBoySteve lists out the specifications for his ideal partner in an almost Microsoft-like way:

"You like Apple products and know a bit about their history, have at least a college education, at least 5'6", not on drugs, and are physically healthy."

That drugs and college ed policy would cut no ice with the original Steve who famously had a great time on one and didn't do enough of the other.

A more typical profile entry - from a female user - reads:

There is probably never a moment when I'm without an Apple product. I build websites on two MacBooks, I sleep with my iPhone, and I'm having a menage [à] trois (non-sexual) with my iPad and Jon Stewart (The Daily Show). Help. ;)

Other users just like to list their most important credentials:

In my house, we have 1 MacBook Pro, 1 PowerBook, 3 iMacs (of various generations and shapes), 1 iBook, 3 iPod Touches, 2 iPod videos, 1 Apple TV, 4 iPhones, and a G4 Tower (I'm probably missing something).

It's no Shakespeare sonnet, but let's face it - could you see a dating site based around any other operating system or hardware brand working? We asked Kintan whether he thought there could be a dating site for Dell – or Linux, say:

No, we don't see that. Apple is more than a product, it's about celebrating an approach to a lifestyle. It's much more than a product… I don't see that happening with another brand.

Android definitely wouldn't work. Android users aren't really a thing, Kintan explained.

An Android user cannot be described… whereas an Apple user can be described, in many ways.

He added a final jibe:

If it were a Linux fan dating site I could swear there would be many more males than females.

And let's face it, the statistics are in the fanboi's favour: iPhone users are famously more generous with their sexual favours. A survey proved it.

Even if February doesn't bring a partner you can share your fondleslab with, at least there will be an iPad 3 in March (probably) so there's still some reason to live. ®

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