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US tweet deportation: Chilling behind-the-scenes photos

The shock truth of what really went down at LAX

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At this point, you'd think a quick explanation of the euphemistic use of "destroy" would settle the matter, but before he knows it, our careless tweeter is whisked off to a nearby "guest suite", where medical staff quickly discover just where he's hidden the shovel he intended to use to disinter Marilyn Monroe:

Our traveller is spread over a bed while a nurse extracts a shovel from his backside

Five hours of relentless grilling later, and it's off to share a cell with a hungry Mexican narco who makes short work of the bowl of prison gruel which passes as sustenance in LA's correctional facilities:

Our traveller in a jail cell with a hungry Mexican narco

You might think you can butch it out, but after a couple of hours, sheer desperation will drive you to offer intimate favours in return for a portion of Chicken McNuggets...

Our traveller performs sexual favours in return for chicken McNuggets

Shocking stuff indeed. Those of of you who play fast and loose with the lingo down at Twitter and are planning to visit the Land of the Free should consider yourselves warned. ®

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