The Register® — Biting the hand that feeds IT

Feeds

Stab victim protected by Bulgarian airbag

Jub job saved Florida woman's life, doc reckons

Ensure Ease of Recovery with Asigra’s Agentless Software

A Florida woman who was set upon by her ex-fiance's knife-wielding new squeeze survived the attack thanks to one of her Bulgarian airbags, according to this report.

The unnamed victim was assaulted outside her former boyf's apartment in Melbourne, Brevard County, and allegedly stabbed "repeatedly in the left side of her chest" by her ex's new squeeze.

The shaken 41-year-old recounted: "It happened so fast. I'm like, 'Put down the knife.' I look down, and I was covered in blood."

She was also covered in the saline from one of the implants she'd received three months ago, courtesy of jub job specialiast Dr Frank Filiberto, of the magnificently-titled Artful Awakenings surgery.

Filiberto reckons the $6k enhancement surgery probably saved his customer's life. He said of the saline mambooster: "When you stab it, it gives a little. It probably gave and couldn't get through it, then it went through it and couldn't go through the back wall. She would have had a collapsed lung or [the knife would have] hit her heart."

Evidently eyeing potential business from other women keen to sport knife-proof chesticles, the sawbones concluded: "I encourage everyone to get them for safety reasons." ®

Bootnote

Thanks to Chris Hunter for the tip-off.

Cloud storage: Lower cost and increase uptime

encourage everyone to get them?

I am not getting them regardless of how safe they are.

4
0

You do realize you'd have to get them too, right?

3
0

Oh I don't know...

Might be more fun than playing with Angry Birds to pass the time. :-)

3
0

More from The Register

Soylent days and soylent nights
Food 2.0 fails the post-pub nosh test
Google erases G8 venue from Earth: Microsoft doesn't
Cameron and chums to hold confab in empty field, apparently
Reg hack prepares to live off wondergloop Soylent
Our man puts eating people powder Food 2.0 to the test
Oracle's Ellison outlines plans for Hawaiian Electriclarryland
Solar-sourced eau d'Oracle the key to island revival
 breaking news
Who's to be the next Dr Who? Sherlock beats Maurice - says you
Cumberbatch EXTERMINATES Ayoade, Atkinson, Pegg - and Tilda Swinton
Chewbacca held up by TSA stormtroopers for having light sabre
'Mrauuun' 'Right, Chewie, giant man do need giant cane'
Waving an Eye-of-Sauron pulsating mock cock? STOP IMMEDIATELY
Mains-powered sex aid recalled ... Ultimate O turns into ultimate OH NO
ROBOT COW teaches Saudi kids where milk comes from
Udderly ridiculous bovine intervention is beyond the pail
 breaking news
I told you I'd be back: Arnie set for another career revival
Don't worry voters, Schwarzenegger's talking about Terminator 5
At #guardiancoffee, we can now TASTE THE FUTURE through a PRISM!
I have measured out my life in espresso spoons