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ALL US pro basketball to be played by topless strippers

As NBA lockout continues, NYC team names its ball-handler

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A former NBA superstar was been tugged in by a bunch of hoop-shooting strippers as their head coach ahead of the launch of a basketball league comprised entirely of topless dancers.

The 23-strong Rick's Cabaret International chain of "upscale adult night clubs" set up its league after spotting a hole in the market – due to an acrimonious dispute between the NBA and players that has shut down the league for the last five months.

Rick's Cabaret announced its league last month, and has committed to field a team of topless ball shooting, slam-dunking lovelies from each of its 23 establishments, which the firm explains cater "primarily for businessmen and professionals".

At last month's launch, Gianna, a player from Rick's NYC establishment explained, entirely plausibly, “We have all been disappointed that the NBA season hasn’t gotten underway yet, and a number of players who stop by the club have told us that they’d pay to see us play in our stripper heels, so we decided to form our own league."

While the girls are clearly enthusiastic about their sporting futures, the pro will no doubt coach them in an array of ball-handling skills, as well as both shooting and dribbling.

Gianna also guaranteed the league would be "hot", with her colleague Sky adding: "In designing our team's outfits, we decided less is more.

Speaking this week about the pre-announcement of the as yet un-named ball pro, Sky said: "I hear he's going to have us do a workout on Tuesday in front of the press. I can't wait to show off some of my moves!"

Sky has also been officially named "point guard" for the NYC team. That key position is seen as the most specialised in any basketball team, meaning Sky will be directing the team's offence. The position is also known as ball-handler in the trade.

Rick's Cabaret operates under a number of other monikers, including XTC, Club Onyx and Tootsie's Cabaret – but is quite clear that sexual contact is not permitted at its locations. It also operates a net auction business called Naughtybids.com. ®

Bootnote

We're not sure Rick's Cabaret has really thought this through, as workplace injury payouts can be crippling, as can the practice of attempting a jumpshot in high heels. Perhaps netball, which involves rather less jumping about – although perhaps less bouncing than optimal – would be more suitable.

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