Feeds

US quakes before MENACING TURKEYS, snow globes

Border control operatives hunt down anomalous pies

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Americans have been advised to head for the bunkers as Department of Homeland Security quakes before the latest threat existential threat to the union: Thanksgiving.

The department, founded in the wake of the September 11 attacks, tweeted a series of warnings to worried citizens yesterday, as the danger level escalated.

The main threat appears to be from deep-fried turkeys. But snow globes and anomalous pies have also been fingered in the ongoing holiday security crackdown.

Yesterday at lunch time, it warned concerned citizens:

Use turkey fryers at safe distance f/ buildings. Never use turkey fryers in a garage or on a wooden deck

An update just two hours later added:

#Turkey safety: Make sure the turkey is completely thawed before placing in a fryer, or this may happen (video) youtube.com/watch?v=yObDuY...

As the deep-fried turkey threat level increased, the agency tweeted two hours later to warn all Americans to review their family's emergency plans over the holiday period, and provided a link to a selection of cheerful conversation starters.

However, the hydra-headed DHS is not letting the growing menace of deep-fried turkey distract it from other threats, and has highlighted its efforts to counter other dreaded holiday items.

Pies are permitted on planes, its in-house blogger advised, "but they are subject to additional screening if our officers see any anomalies".

Live turkeys are also permitted, though not, presumably deep-fried.

Other forbidden items are snow globes, because: "They are sealed containers full of liquid that would have to be opened and destroyed to test."

It also advised flyers to check their bags for guns and knives, although it accepted this "sounds silly". But yes, it appears some people to forget to pack everything needed for an extended break with the family. ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Facebook pays INFINITELY MORE UK corp tax than in 2012
Thanks for the £3k, Zuck. Doh! you're IN CREDIT. Guess not
DOUBLE BONK: Testy fanbois catch Apple Pay picking pockets
Users wail as tapcash transactions are duplicated
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Google Glassholes are UNDATEABLE – HP exec
You need an emotional connection, says touchy-feely MD... We can do that
YARR! Pirates walk the plank: DMCA magnets sink in Google results
Spaffing copyrighted stuff over the web? No search ranking for you
In the next four weeks, 100 people will decide the future of the web
While America tucks into Thanksgiving turkey, the world will be taking over the net
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.