Attention swingbellies: Pizza sauce is a healthy vegetable
Does that mean garlic bread is a herb?
The US government will officially declare pizza sauce a vegetable* in its own right, if Congress passes a rule change to recategorise the runny topping as a full-fledged vegetable this week.
The expected ruling will come as part of lawmakers' annual spending bill for the US Department of Agriculture, and provision for subsidised school meals for the States' poorest, and often fattest, children.
The agency had been planning to take measures to cut down on the amount of pizza, fries and starchy vegetables (ie, potatos and beans) schools palm off on their poorest charges, in a misguided attempt to ensure school meals are actually "healthy".
The AFP reports that USDA's definition of a serving of vegetables equates to eight tablespoons' worth of said veg.
However, a "loophole" meant two tablespoons of tomato paste – roughly the amount needed to coat a slice of pizza – also counted as a vegetable. By that reckoning a full-size pizza would be enough to get PETA's bikini-clad commandos smacking their lips.
USDA's attempts to close the loophole were targeted by Republicans, liberally backed by the convenience food industry.
The American Frozen Food Institute said it "applauded" the Senate approval for an amendment blocking the move last week.
"We are particularly grateful for their efforts at ensuring schools and the children they serve continue to have access to a variety of nutritious foods as part of school lunch and breakfast programs, and hope the US Department of Agriculture will heed their direction."
The Institute warned that USDA's thoroughly un-American proposals would have increased the cost of the average school lunch by 14 cents, and breakfast by 50 cents. ®
An affront to botanists and pedants alike, as any fule kno that the tomato is a fruit.
Whisky is also good for you.
It's made from grain, so it's practically muesli.
"The Institute warned that USDA's thoroughly un-American proposals would have increased the cost of the average school lunch by 14 cents, and breakfast by 50 cents."
So, in other words, feeding children with additive-packed junk food is desirable because it saves money, notwithstanding the copiously-documented links between diet and behaviour, intelligence, happiness and (obviously) health.
It is obvious (to any suit-wearing, trough-snuffling banker's catamite) that healthy, well-fed, well-behaved, attentive and happy children are a luxury rather than a desirable outcome for society as a whole (which, as any fule kno, does not exist).
Fortunately a group of disinterested benefactors, with only the best interests of the food-processing industry in mind, have heroically jumped in to demonstrate that poisoning children is OK because it SAVES MONEY!
I am reminded of a nameless British politician forcing a hamburger down his unwilling daughter's throat, pimping his own child to the agribusiness lobby in order to prove that British beef was safe to eat.
As a parent I am half-responsible for ensuring that my children get the nutrition that they need in order to thrive, just like any other parent. Measures like this, which are called into being in order to put a few cents in an undeserving parasite's pocket, actively militate against my efforts . Furthermore I gain nothing when my children's contemporaries are abused like this, and my children bear the brunt of the consequences.
Pusillanimity, misanthropy, avarice and callousness have become virtues amongst those whom we permit to administer the logistics of our daily lives. This is self-evidently wrong. It's time to change things. Let's start with putting the severed head of the creep who did this cost-benefit analysis on a pointed stick outside the offices of the Italian social club he/she works for.
There are those who may protest "But that's happening in America, it could never happen here!"
My riposte is that if it can make some MP's "friends" money, then happen here it will.
Fast food Government
The U.S. government is run by and for big corporations; they will do anything in their considerable power to keep the population hooked on their products.
Amoral and jaw - droppingly ignorant - the tomato is a fruit!